I seek, I seek
I can't seem to find
A recipe, a cure
to ease my mind

I seek, I seek
I search for a break
A rest, just a minute
Simplicity, peace

I wait, I wait
I wait for a day
I can hide in my mind
It's my way

I seek, I seek
I seek and I find
If you don't choose how you live
You'll be left behind

It's more than your words
It consumes my brain
Every detail
Reveals something

Hours and hours
Spent analyzing
Behind the words
The hidden meaning

I'm just simply overthinking

Scars in my mind
Scars on my body
Healing with time
I am so sorry

For my ways
I'm useless at best
Do little, do nothing
I'm not like the rest

A disaster some might say
Potential is there
I'm trying but-
I'm stuck in a rut

The scars are healed but they still remain

I want to go home, I want to sleep
Why isn't anyone talking to me?
I want to belong, feel I'm in place
Why am I always the mismatched piece?

I want to scream, just be alone
with just me, myself
Do I have to be here?
Why can't I make my thoughts clear?

But I sit and smile
And make out to be
Happy and jolly
Just laugh endlessly
To distract from the facts
From what's in my head
I'm just so happy, my mind isn't read

Don't feel obliged to stay
There's the door, be on your way
I'd rather you go sooner than later
Save me some pain, please

I'll be ok on my own
Familiar and comfortable
So please be on your way

Unless perhaps you'd like to stay?

I've spent my life trying
to be normal, to be wanted, to be here
Now I see that  life is full
But only if you be

Be present, in the moment
Be true, be strong and wise
Refuse to make a change
Just so you'll be liked

Kiss me,
Under the stars, right when I think you won't
Tell me,
what you think, of me, of you, of us

Just speak,
Fill the silence, ramble, chat and stray
Show me,
who you are, your soul, your mind, your way

I'm here where I am because of your absence
I lost and I longed, regretting this tragic,
I'm here where I am, I refuse to believe
That this life, my life will follow routine

You live, you love, you work, complain
I want a life I feel worth something,
Full of excitement, spontaneity, rushes
My hopes and dreams will not be forgotten

I'm here where I am, learned from your life
The life that I missed, wish I knew for more time
I'm here where I am and you where you are
I'm here where I am 'cause you joined the stars

The first thing you see
The thing I despise,
I'm trying to cope with
To say I am is a lie.

I'll admit to be better
Than back when I spent
All my time concerned with
What meal might come next

I've treated you cruely
Both inside and out,
I thought you deserved it
I know I'm wrong now

My body, my body
I promise to love,
At least try to be kind to
And heal these old wounds

Blood is thicker than water you say
Where was blood when I cried
Blood to me only ran away
turned their back or died.

Blood is selfish, takes and takes
Water cleanses my soul
Blood to me is just a name
Love is the goal.

What is love you might ask?
Love is feeling warm
Love's what I like to call
My family, my home

I sit in thought for hours
False hope creeps through my blood,
"I'm happy, so happy" I tell myself
And others, to be understood
As someone else, to be perceived
In a different light
So maybe someday I could be
Nearly, maybe, might.

But it's that that isn't seen
The being that's alone
who craves the life that 'should have been'
whose heart is but stone.