I could have loved you.
It's in the back of my mind,
Every time I see that name,
Or hear that song.
Instantly I'm taken back,
To when we were young.
You smiled at me,
And I knew what it meant,
But I was terrified to love you.
I was terrified to try.
I didn't want to ever,
Have to say a real goodbye.
Then-
That night when the streets,
Were quiet,
And the rain was soft...
My world was crushed.

I ran to you,
Your door was locked.
But you saw right through,
And one look was enough.
Where would I be?
Where would I be, if we,
Were one?

Looking through a focus of,
Jealousy and hate,
I had lost sight in what is real.
Finding truth in a person,
Isn't what rage reveals.
She looks at me with desperate eyes,
Screaming to herself,
"Why?"
The world is never what,
You expect in the end.
To look into the enemy's eyes,
And make a friend.

I have immersed myself in you,
Plunged, Submerged, Consumed,
Gasping.

A waste of my time,
Spending hours watching windows,
Watching cars go by, that are not you.
I wish I knew,
That when you said you would be here for me,
It wasn't the truth.
Can't you just stay in my arms a little longer?
Wrap them around me,
Just a little bit tighter.
Give me a reason to believe in you.
Everyone around me uses youth as the excuse.
This is basic math,
Follow along.
If you add a promise but omit an end result,
Subtract honesty,
And add blatant disregard,
You end up with one.
Two minus one is just you.
Tell the truth.
I see right through it,
My brain sees the deceit yet,
My heart keeps on believing it.
"You will walk through my door,
You will not leave my bed tonight."
It only takes a little consideration to make things right.
I won't keep up the fight,
For attention. Not tonight.

His rage ***** up into a fist,
Nobody loves me,
He says through his teeth.
A blow to his face, and then another.
Hitting himself is my punishment.

calm down

I hold his face,
It's soaked and burning.
Wrapping myself around him,
Protecting him from himself,
Screaming with whispers that
I've always loved you

He can't hear a ******* thing.

His arms are flailing
peeling me from him,
I'm locked, I won't let go,
And I'm telling him so,
But he can't hear a ******* thing.

"Nobody. Loves me."

Words fall flat and the air gets heavy,
He's silent, motionless.
The seconds are my punishment,
As his rage carries him to the stairs.

I hug myself,
Crying, again.
Why do you do this to yourself?
Pathetic.
Rocking, comforting my trembling hands,
His footsteps crack in the ceiling.
Bracing my body prepared to leave,
His footsteps weaken to the door.
I'm freaking out, I can't take anymore.
His first step is slow,
Then heavy and stomping,
He makes his way down..
And a shimmer of metal he holds in his hands,
Is put into a shotgun.

"Why don't you just, give that to me.
P l e a s e.."

At a crooked angle, it's in his head.
His eyes are empty.
My body is shaking, screaming,
dropping.
I close my eyes and
I can't ever open them again.

I can hear every word
you think.
It carves into my brain like a trail
of ink.
You're not so far away, but it's hard
to speak.
Who knew that these anchors would guide us
to sink.

You turned around when I fell from
the brink.

If I could reach into your veins,
If I could swim inside your heart,
I'd stop the broken pieces,
That are shaking you apart.
I would take my time,
And then,
We would stand in unison.

I collect the pain of my lovers,
I hoard the memories of my past selves.

I keep the worst of them on the top shelves.

I will claw away at my memory,
Dig beneath my skin is search of blood.
Proof,
That I am not dead.
I don't eat,
Just to feel alive again.
The shower is running,
I am,
On my hands and knees.

Empty me.

If I don't-
If,
I cannot believe in love,
I will not live in love,
I will not bleed in love,
I will not need in love,
I will not drown in love,
I will not sink in love,
I will not be in love,
I will not be alone in love,
I will not die alone,
In love.