He stumbles down the dirt path,
Looking back.
A little too much to drink,
Too many thoughts,
To think.

His eyes meet mine,
And shine.

But it's not quite right.

He stumbles through the field and weeds,
He falls to lean in and,
Kiss me.

"I needed you. And you're here.
Like magic."

Smile.
Nervous,
My mind wonders back.

The fire burns my face,
And I remember.
It was late December.

The look in his eye,
Too familiar.
What will happen,
To me tonight?

Pacing, anxious.
How does this much,
Tend to change him?
"No more,"
He admits.

Strange words,
To cross a man's lips.

I waited.
For insults and violence.
I waited for bruises.
I waited for the moment,
He ruins me,
Clueless.

But.

He touched my face,
And I wasn't afraid.
I still loved the way,
He said my name.

This isn't December.
This isn't the past.
This is a love that is going to last.

I hold his hand to,
Stabilize.
And we laugh.

"Hi, beautiful."
*"Hi, baby."

He's inside,
With a deep breath,
She rides.
An animal instinct,
His nails dig,
Into her pale skin.
Guiding her hips,
With vicious wrists.
Cuts and bruises.
Thickness,
Ripples inside.
She climbs,
To ******,
He guides,
Prepared to spread,
His soul,
All over,
Her.

I blocked out the world,
Closed myself in.
I busted the locks,
To make sure they stayed,
Shut.

I never opened up,
To know the sun.
I made friends in the shadows.
I made friends with,
The cobwebs.

This was how I protected myself.
Protect my home,
From burning down to the,
Floor.
Protecting myself,
I'd say.
Closed up,
My arms wrapped around,
My legs.
I will never open up.
My heart is shattered,
It is far too dangerous.

But we met that day in,
August.
A beautiful day in the,
Summer.
You said my name.
Ripples of shudders
You said my name,
And I have never felt the same.

You took your time,
With burned floorboards,
And broken locks.
You held my hand,
When I was afraid,
To open up.

trust

Rebuilding from the foundation,
Remembering that love is innovation.
You hold my hand through,
The toughest of renovation.

I'm opening the curtains,
Bringing in the sunshine.
I can't remember the last time,
I accepted this sunlight.
I'm warm again,
This is home.

I want to dance in the rain.
I want to sing,
Belt out every little love word.
We dissolve ourselves of shame.
I want to sing it with you.

I love it when you,
Say my name.

I plant flowers and prepare,
For May.
I smile just a little wider,
Than I ever did before,
The fires.
I feel new.

You brought the light,
Into this broken,
Old soul.
I remember that girl in the mirror,
I haven't seen her in
            years.

The winter had her hidden away.
Where did you find her?
Where did they hide her?

It's time we go out,
To play.

A hand around my waist,
I'm safe.

The bitter wind blows,
But here in your arms,
I do not know the cold.
I'm warm.

There once was a day,
Where I walked alone.
Your hand is in mine,
I'm yours.

I've counted my losses,
I've wept and felt hopless.
I found you in the middle of chaos.
I'm whole.

The world has a center,
There is focus,
No more shifting.
I'm building.

Walk until your bones grow sore.
Keep moving through darkness,
Rain and snow.
Survive the thirst and hunger,
Keep moving your feet.
Remind yourself that,
You don't understand defeat.
Remind yourself that,
One day you'll find relief.
Keep pushing for miles,
And miles,
And miles.

Slowly you start to lose your mind,
You lose yourself,
Lose track of time.
The pain, the pain, the pain.
It distracts you from terrain.
Through woods and rivers and oceans,
Wade through and believe that it's worth it.
Dying with every passing day.

He held her in his arms,
Chosen.
She danced to the music,
Let go of all past,
Inhibitions.

She let loose and played the games.
He held,
The small of her back,
And let her fly.
But never too far away.

She smiled and leaned in for a kiss,
Darlin', I'm going to miss this.
God, is THIS what love is?

He held hands with a broken soul,
And she kissed his bruised ego,
And they never felt alone.
They only felt,
Whole.

She was buried,
Under years of neglect,
Dust,
And fragments,
Of death and sadness.
Greeting the sun,
With a hatred,
Finding no peace in her sleep.

Every man that laid possession,
Claimed to be her protection,
Left her,
Abandoned.

She stood only alone,
And crawled,
To build her own home.
While they tore down the boards,
And used them to cage her.

****** knees on the weekend,
She danced for more men,
And found solace in piles of cash.
So they taxed her,
And ***** her,
They did nothing to save her.

Cornered and lost,
Searching for hope,
In the mirror
Her own eyes a stranger.
Where was the light that made her?
Eyes sunken and black,
No voice,
Just a shrug off their shoulders.

They drained her,
And played her,
Used her and,
Forgave her.

She felt nothing at all,
They maimed her.
Shared her,
Left nothing to spare her.
She's over and done.

They won.

I step into the room,
Remove my shirt to prevent,
The evidence.

It's good for you, stay strong for me.
He says in a message.

But I can't hold off amymore.

This is my battle,
My world.

Crying on the bathroom floor,
Lost control looking for,
A way to keep sain.

On my knees,
Slowly,
Tickling my throat,
With a writing utensile.
Keep breathing,
Short, quick.
And let it release.

This will be over if you keep pushing on.
She says in a mirror.

This is the cost of perfection,
The pain of dedication.
My chest stiffens.

But you're my picture perfect.
He says in a message.

An image to fall for,
A frame of reason,
To get where you need to be.

But here I am praying to my porcelain.

Adding the bites of failure over and over,
In my mind.
Let it out,
Let it go.

All of my energy flushes away.
This picture isn't perfect,
It's held up in place,
Meant to be a beautiful mistake.

Failing all over the place.

I bet you're just beautiful.
He says in a message.

If beauty was tragic.

*This beauty is,
Tragic.

Pretend she is me,
Pretend I am the body,
That you need.

Dancing to the rhythm,
of that alien beat.

She's rolling and twirling,
Around you and for you.
With you and on you.
Those glossy eyes roll back,
In defeat,
And you want to feel more,
She's making you weak.

Your hands shake,
And she's breathing your soul,
Your breath quivers,
Trapped, in her control.
You,
      Are,
                    No longer mine-
            
                           anymore.



I close my eyes and pretend it was me.
Making you wetter,
with each ****** inside me.

I know it's the end,
  You make it easy to read,
     Because she stole your light,

*And ran back to the sea.