Dear you,
maybe I should write you a letter.
A long, long letter.
You know, to get you out of my system.

Dear you,
I cannot express how much I miss you.
I ache a lot just by thinking of you.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect
But every second I spent loving you
Was all worth it.

Dear you,
She fills your life now.
You say she loves you more than I ever could
Babe, maybe you’re right.
Or maybe you just chose to open your heart to her and not to me.

But it’s okay.
I just want you to know that I did my best for you
I want you to know that I fought hard for you.
Hard.

Dear you,
I’m sorry if all I wanted was to be loved back.
I must have been so selfish.
I realized that it’s not enough that I love.
I should learn to realize when the person I love does not want my love.

Dear you,
Thank you for at least thinking that I’m your safe space.
Know that I will always be here for you.
I hope you fight all the demons
That haunt you at night
And even I’m not there,
I hope that you find peace
Wherever you are.

I miss you terribly
I loved you like crazy.

I just want you to be happy.

You've been treating me like a joke.
Yet like a joke, I can make you laugh
and that's good enough for me.

That split-second of attention,
That drop of tear,
That small chuckle at the end of a call.
Those small things that meant nothing to you
Mean all the world to me.

You wait for me to build you up
When she knocks you down.
You talk to me to feel better
Knowing that there is someone in the world
more miserable than you.

All I want is to hear your voice.
All I want is to know your fears.
All I want is to make you happy.
But if your happiness means pain to me,
then that's still good enough for me.

At the end of the day I tried
even when there's no use in trying.
I loved
Even when you stopped receiving.
I cared
Even when you didn't.

I just wish you would notice me
and know that I did everything
that I could have done
to save you.

And all I want
Is for you to notice me.

This is crazy.
Very. very. crazy.

I am here in front of a universe we created
you and I.
Nobody else.

I am soaking in this virtual reality
that knows no bounds
and respects no timezones.

I wake up everyday
looking forward to talk to you
and I sleep at night
seeing you in my dreams.

Here I am again
In a cycle of guessing game
"He loves me. He loves me not" I say
as I rip a flower apart
petal by petal
until it is no more.

I do this
not because I want to
but because I can.

It's the closest thing I have
to an answer.
I ask a flower
every now and then.
I pray for answers
but no one ever responds.

He loves me. He loves me not.
Over and over
like a religious mantra
like an entrancing spell
like a prayer
like a song
like a sonata in a silent night

I reach the last few petals.
My words slur.
My breath wastes away.
I close my eyes.
And then
Slowly, I yank the petals one by one.

"He loves me."
"He loves me not."
"He loves me."
"He loves me not."
"He loves me."
I smile.

But I realized,
There is one last petal left hanging,
almost wilted.
I know what it means.

"He loves me not."
I bow my head
as if to say a prayer

I close my eyes.
I breathe
I smell what's left of the flower

A fragile stem
Weak leaves
Hard thorns.

I let go.

I am running out of reasons
All the reason to write
I am losing all the memories
that keep me up at night

Have I moved on?
Did I let go?
Or
Did time simply pass?

I don't know.

I don't think of you as often
In fact, I don't think of anyone at all.
I don't see you in my dreams
No, I don't dream anymore.

I say "I love you"
more often than I pray
It saddens me that I say it
with no address or a name.

I whisper it to the wind
"I love you."
A phrase so familiar
yet so far from the truth.

I don't know why I say it.
I have no one to say it to.
I'm overwhelmed at how long it has been
Someone said it to me too.

Love has been so foreign
to this troubled heart
In the open it is calm
truth is, it's tearing me apart

I'm losing all the memories
that keep me up at night.
Even in my dreams,
anyone is out of sight.

I thought I have moved on.
In fact, I really have.
It's just that I miss the feeling
of having someone to ache for.

I miss having all the reasons
All the reasons in the world.
I miss saying "I love you."
As much as I miss hearing these words.

I don't cry myself to sleep.
I want to, but I cannot cry
I don't have any reason
To feel so sad at night.

I used to remember how we were
Before I go to sleep
I used to write you letters
Then after, I delete.

Now I don't have the reasons
to write to you at all.
Cause now I can't remember
how we were before.

I wish I could remember
How your lips felt on my skin
But even that I can't remember
I'm losing everything.

At least I can hold on to
our pictures from the past
Where all I see are strangers
so in love.

I wish I can remember
how your gaze felt.
Like how you looked at me
in the picture that I kept.

Now when I look at us,
And all the photos that I kept,
I feel nothing.
None at all.

I am so scared of this phase.
This phase after moving on.
It's even more heartbreaking
than any break-up song.

I thought I couldn't get
any lonelier than when you left
I did not know that indifference
Makes all the difference.

"I love you."
"I miss you."
"I care for you."
I don't know you.