I wake up and it’s still dark outside
I don’t know exactly what time it is nor do I really care
Because by now I’ve been up long enough
To remember the reason I passed out
The pain that my heart carries leaving a trail of solitude.

Not knowing for sure if I will ever get you back
Not knowing if I will ever be able to dream and hope again
Not knowing if the sun will rise for me again

I want to fall asleep again so the pain will go away.
I don’t know what time its is still but now I want to know
How much longer till sunrises so I know when to put on my mask  
That makes every one think I am fine, that I can make it.
The sorrow keeps growing making me lose he hope I have left.

Not knowing if I’ll ever see those eyes that say “I love you”
Not knowing if your hand will ever gently brush my hair of my face
Not knowing if I’ll ever be able to fall sound asleep with you  

It is to late now for me to fall asleep again
As much as it hurts to think about our last days together
It’s all that comes to my mind, making me more melancholy
Even tho those were the best days of my life.
Why has my heart been filled up with sadness?
When did this become my new reality?  

It scares me to not truly know what will be of us in the future
I hope to find out someday, but for now I have to keep on a smile
And try to make it real,
Because deep inside I know it’s a promise I made to you.
This is painful but you are worth that risk.

All I can do is sit here and complain to my self
Letting the anxiety build up as the children cry
My mom not giving to **** about anything any more
Every one blaming me
And I guess they are right
It’s all because of me.

I try not to cry as they tell me how I don’t do **** around the house
Even though my hands are dry from washing all the dishes
And my back aches from caring my little sister till she falls asleep
But I am still “heartless and would let every one die”
Or at lest that what my father says  

All I can do is sit here and let them abuse me
Because if I speak up I would be a bad daughter
So I sit and wait for the day that I can stand be brave…..

I wanted love so desperately
That when I got it
I did not know what to do with it

I wanted it so bad
That a kiss under the starts
Would soon be nothing more than pleasant memory

I longed for a love like yours
And when I got a better one…
I became scare and confuse

Such a needy person shouldn’t get such great lover

Can it be true? Is there really a man as perfect as the moon?
A man who is there for you every night to light up your face and dreams
Who if far away but still gives you strength.
Always looking down at you letting you see which road to take,
He might not hold you when you cry but you can still feel his warmth
He holds your secrets, fears and keeps you heart safe.
Leaving in the morning but coming every night, not letting you spend them alone
Can it be true? Is there really a man as perfect as the moon?

Moving slowly down my torso with such passion and gentleness
Allowing me to crave for this new sensation.
Causing me to cry out your name
As my breaths get shorter and my heart beats faster.
Asking for your love
Nevertheless, could I ever ask for too much?

My heart best by love
But who is supplying it?
Who feed my need for passion?
Who dares feed this soulless body?
A wondering mind is all I am
Looking for new prey
Looking for a heart to feed from
I am what is left when all hope is gone

Countless poems on a note
Poems that will be washed away for being forgotten in pockets.
Poems with beautiful words no one will read
Poems that could move nation
Poem that turn into letters to my once lover and forever friend

Don't get you at all.
A life time can go by
Nothing would change.
I can't blame you
Especially when
Learning your mind is hard

In Does days, there was especial boy…
Oh, I give him all of my heart.
I dreamed and hoped of wonderful things.
Next thing I knew, I was by his side holding his hand
But what I didn’t know…
He could just push me aside

I lay there in bed just waiting for me to stop lying to myself
It is only in dreams where I show who I truly am.
That wonderful place where I do as I please
Where I can have the guts to call her a *****
Where I beg for your hands on my skin
Where I tell you want I long for instead of writing you this pointless poems.

Laying there, as I try to convince myself to move on
It is only in dreams where say I want to be with you forever.
That wonderful place where I can be with you
Where there is no distance between us
Where there are no tears in your eyes
Where I can rest my head on your chest

I do not want to die
I desire for my feeling to come my new reality
Where I can tell you want I long for…
Where you are mine and I am yours
Where I can be myself again

Four poems per day
Four poems per day
Soon they will pay off
All this thoughts will bring me joy
Letting my mind rest

Four poems at a time
Four poems at a time
I count each one and give it a special name
All with messages I only understand

Four poems
For you
For him
For all does memories I do not dare speak of
But specially
Four poems for me

Frozen in time I lay here
Questioning how it got this way
When did I begging with holding truth from you?

Hours, days, even weeks may pass
Although I remain frozen in time
Asking the great God for an answer…
When did memories become regrets?

We both lied at some point
It is a fact we both cannot deny
Who did it first does not matter
All that does is we both lied at some point

Frozen in time our feelings remain
They grow as big as an oak
Yet somehow, we manage to hide then away
Why did we turn lying in to protection?

My shell reminds frozen
At some point, my heart stated beating
Causing a river to flow in my mind

Frozen we may lay here
Even though our heart still beat for each other
Asking for one last kiss
Asking for one more night at the park
Asking for the symphony, they once made

Giving in once again in to the game of love
It sure is a gamble when it comes down to loving you
But when you are as hooked as me it is hard to let go
All I need for my knees to tremble is one simple joke

I begin to wonder into gardening, so many flowers to choose from
My first try was not the best, even though I tried really hard  
It almost seem like they hated me, they looked lovely but they had a deathly poison
It did not get easier, but I learned a few things a long the way as this passion continued.

Then one day, when I was going to give up I found a flower
Maybe not the pretties but with time it bloom in to something my heart could not believe
Something that let me know that my hand could do something
And let my plant know that there was love.

Things got rough and I had to travel and could not take my garden of Darwinias
I tried to give them the same love but they started to slowly die
Every now and then they do respond well. I just hope they can me it till I get back
But I too started to lose my hope…
They are in my mind very often but I’ve started to look for a new flower

I got blinded once again; I choose the flowers that would not bloom
I tried to find something that could compare to my Darwinia but nothing ever could
The Kerria japonica came in to my way with its bright yellow and made my heart stop
I still love my original garden but this; this just took my breath away it made my soul feel warm
They could not just grow anywhere

I can’t make friends and I can’t make love so I will say good bye to this world
Open my eyes for the last time as I play and laugh like in the good old days
The sun will come down and so will the tears
Don’t worry you will have to let go I don’t say this to you I say it to my soul
I can’t make friends and I can’t make love so good bye I say to the sky who held my home
I say good bye to you and every one who knew my names
I can’t make friends and I can’t make love so long world
take care of you and the ones to come

Fine…
But in reality
My mind trembles
My eyes become a river.
I want you to hold me one more night
Craving your body next to mine
To taste your lips again

Maybe one day…
I will be honest with you again.
But for now...
I will hide behind simple words
I will keep my own secret

..I am fine…

I worry more then I should.
You are strong but I can not help to worry,
Think about you and wonder If your okay
If you need a shoulder too cry on
Or simply, someone to make you smile
Someone to tell you “it will all work out”
Someone you can hold…
I’m a thousand miles away
So there is not much I can do
Just hope and pray that you think about me,
And that when you do, you smile…not cry

I think more than I should.
You are probably sleeping, something I can not do at the moment,
Thinking if we will ever sleep in each other’s arms
Thinking about how peaceful you are right now,
Not having to think about anything, just dreaming
While I am stuck here with endless thoughts
Ideas that seem to never end
Ideas that bring me an unclear map

Now I will sing a song about my mind and heart. Of how awful it is to sit and drink until I fall asleep
Passing out on my ***** that sadly enough is the only warmth I feel any more.
Thinking about the days I shined like gold but now I’m nothing more then rust
All your love is gone and my fantasies turn bitter by the hour
Remembering how I held you tight but now all I want…I don’t know what I want
Maybe another drink or two will clear my mind and let me know what I desire
Is it you or another shot of whisky?
Help me dear god who is up in the heavens let my melody turn mellow
bring my lover back and take this bottle take my tears and take my heart
Take it all and giver her back to me. Take these nightmares or let her make them better
…but she was a ***** how never gave two ***** about you…
She lied…she never loved you…you where just another pity date
“No! No!! She loved me…she told me…” crying this out loud to let my self know in what world I am
Curling up in to a ball as I stay quite so I can let my mind speak….

Chug down more of this liquid that will soon turn in to your blood…
Let it destroy you just like the wicked lies you tell yourself so you can sleep at night
Such a ******* idiot thinking everything can change and no it can never change
You lost her not because of this habit but because you were blind
A hopeless fool who could not even water a plant
A hopeless fool who could not look out the window
Chug it down and let it grown in you like the words you never spoke to her

Now let me sing you a song of a boy and a girl. Of how awful it was to sit and talk on the phone
Not just for her but more for him as he waited for her to fall asleep
As it was the only way he had to feel closer to her the only time he could speak his mind
They once sang about a world together but now they can’t even picture a bridge…
He still calls every day and tries to fight for them…but what if I told you….
What if I told you that the boy is a girl and the girl is a boy?
Would this change the song?

I knew life was not fair…I even believe in karma
However, not that every sin would be paid at the same time.
I try my best to hold the tears off and just keep on a smile
Yet each time I think more about you…
My heart breaks with each vivid memory
Bringing pure misery to my body.

I knew we would drift apart…I knew you would stop loving me
Although, never to the point where you would make me cry
Putting my best efforts in to knowing what is reality…
Turning on an empty space, I call bed; I know I will spend my nights alone
Waking up a quarter to two begging you to hold me

My heart runs on caffeine due to the restless nights.
After dawn, all I sense is your abandonment
Realizing you left me in the dark…

My mind is able to dance around in the rain
To listen to the stories trees have to tell
And even, fly with birds

However, my heart….

Just watches the storms go by
Shutting everyone off
Isolating itself; becoming  old and grey

Now you might ask,
“Where is your soul?”

Well, he is a ****** who left both of them alone.

All the passion became nothing but insanity siting there in the shower
Staring you down letting you know you cannot scrub it off
Knowing every inch of your body and mind are infected
Feeling so lost and confuse
Yet at the same time feeling nothing
It just stares at you with without saying a word
Staring deep in to your soul with does eyes
Eyes some might call beautiful
However, you know they are more than that  
They are the eyes of everything
The eyes of hope
The eyes of blame
The eyes of the beautiful illusion called love
Siting there under the water that turns darker every passing moment
It just stares at you waiting,
Waiting for the moment when you look away
For the moment you blink
For that one second
So that everything humans know as insane, chaotic, delusional
Even evil, it can all come to you
Just letting know how bad in the head you are
Because after all….
There is no one else…
It is just you and the running water

Why is the question that every one ask
But can someone really answer it?
Is there someone out there who really knows why?

I'm not sure if there is or if there will ever be some one to answer all of our whys.

For the mean time I guess ill just have to try,
Try to understand every one and just try to come up with a solution.
Interesting how easy it is to come up with a solution when you are not the one in the problem,
How easy you can tell them to just take the answer but you don't know how hard it really is.

I'm not sure if there is or if there will ever be some one out there who can make us understand each other.

If we all want the same thing why is it so hard to get it?
Why do we think that everyone is against us?
When we are all working for the same goal.
Why are we so blind?

I'm not sure if there is if there will eve be someone out there who will be able to make us see.

Will human kind eve be saved? I hope the day does come and I hope it’s soon.

It’s August
School has begun
Lots of new faces
To the girl who sits alone

When September arrives
The trees change color
And the leaves begin to fall
As a boy and girl
Start to talk

In October
The trees are naked
The leaves no were to be found
As the boy and girl
Kiss behind the school’s playground

On November
Autumn ends and winter begins
The snow arrives
And he turns 15
She can not go to his house to celebrate  

Winter brake
So, it’s December.
It’s a snowless Christmas full of joy
And she spends it with him

Come January
She turns 15
And they go to the park
They find a tree
Where they carve love forever

In the month of love, February
They sneak out
It’s a warm night
So they spend it under the moon

March
Spring has begun
But the blood flows
From the wrist of the girl
By a night gone wrong

On April
There are two months of school left
The boy and girl closer then ever
Just madly in love

School ends on May
But summer begins.
There is sadness in there eyes
How will they see each other every day now?

Jun and July
The two hottest months of the year
And the hardest of their relationship
They can not talk that much
Or see each other

It’s August again
A new school year
They go back to spending an hour before school together
Make up for the time lost
Nothing could be better

September brings bad news
She might have to leave the boy
She cries as he says
“It will be okay.”

October arrives
She has to leave sooner than what they thought
He holds her as she cries
They never say goodbye
They just keep their promise in their heart
That they will be there in two years

Ten months have gone by since that October
They still love each other
But they had to put aside the relationship
Because for this period of time
They are better of like friends

He hides me from the light
And beats me with his words
It’s a never ending fight
That I am going towards      

My soul so worn down
The pain he makes me feel
Almost as if I were to drown
This is all to real

Real or fake
I can not escape
The hope I had
Was torn apart

He hunts my dreams
And when I am awake
I am surrounded by red streams
Or maybe even a lake

Real or fake
I can not escape
The hope I had
Was torn apart

The scars cover my body
He has hurt me so many times
With his evil rhymes
Each time more ******

I will cut my wrist
Nothing to risk
The red stream created by me
Now I am free

Real or fake
I can not escape
The hope I had
Was torn apart

People come in and out
Some to never be seen again  
Coke
Asado rojo
Frijoles
People come in and out
Asking if their food is done
Yelling at you because the wanted cheese
Some are nice
Other are greedy
Not always leaving a tip
People come in and out
Some to never be seen again
Sprite
Nopales
Barbacoa
Time goes by and food keeps coming out
Here so many difrent people
Who come and go
Just leaving their face engraved in your mind
To some night be seen again in your dreams

The shadows start creeping up as I enter this hall
But I will not accept for me to sit and stall.  
As I keep walking, they be come clear
Getting closer whispering “come here.”
I shake them off but they are to strong
They carry me away as they sing a song

A melody that must be heard
So smooth and gentle like a flying bird
Yet, it manages to fill you up with sorrow
Making every nerve and bone feel hallow
So clear and sharp it pierces trough your soul
But I need to ignore this and keep my goal

I move forward as I feel my flesh being torn
No matter how hard I try I can feel their scorn.
I make the effort to recall they are just shadows…
But they have hands and voices that speak of sorrows
A pain greater than flesh could ever know or endure

My soul starts to brake down as tears fall
Making my heart ache with pain…the pain this shadows feel
They starve for hope and dreams.
Taking everything I ever knew leaving my just an empty corps
…becoming a shadow

I stay home sick looking outside the window
Look at the beauty of the world were no one is sick.
I ask my self
“Why did I have to get sick?"
Now I lay in bed feeling weak and useless as I tell me self
“You’ll get better soon"
Saying that makes me have some hope
That my sickness is going to go soon.....

It is such a simple word
Yet it can move a nation
It could even get you killed
The funny thing is
Does anyone even know the meaning anymore?

It is just four letters
Yet it creates all others
We all want it
We all need it
We all think we know the definition
However, all we truly know
Is that it is supposed to be called love

I am stuck here
Wondering how it got this way
Sometimes even questioning my own existence
Letting the good times **** me
As they come and go in my head
There are no more nights of loneliness
As I have found a new lover
However,
My heart still grows cold from not having you
I am stuck here with new love
But looking for old news

I am a bird on the margin of the abyss
This bird lost its voice to sing and its will to fly
Looking up at how other birds vanish into the clouds
All I can do is be on the edge.

The beautiful wings that once felt the breeze
Are now ashamed to pick up and take flight
The fear of falling in to the pit misfortunes.
The darkness start to come up

The fear paralyzes me
I will not fly
Let it swallow me.

I am bird on the margin of the abyss
The bird who was the one they looked up to and could never capture
I was the one whom you could barely get a glimpse of
Leaving others behind

The beautiful wings do not move
My beak going straight in to the unknown
All I can do is close my eyes

Memories flash on the days when I sang
The warmth of the June sun is just an idea left behind
I no longer try to dash the autumn leaves

I open my eyes
The darkness is clearing
I hear a melody
Smooth and gentle like the spring breeze
But whose is it
My beak is open

I am a bird on the margin of the abyss
My past is something I don't like to recall
But that is all the song brings

The notes keep pouring out of my open beak
I close my eyes
The tune more beautiful and soothing
Why am I giving up?
Flap
I open my eyes
My beak now going for the clouds

The darkness behind
I don't want the fear to control me
I will fly higher the ever
Spit me out

I am a bird who never touches the ground
Whose melody is mellow like the falling snow
Yet so warm like the summer
Talking about new beginnings

I am a bird

By Claudia Ramirez

I felt like writing a poem
But the lines sound fake
And the words don’t flow.
They might shine like a diamond
But they are not real
All an illusion my mind has created

The lines in my head
Full of anxiety.
Slowly getting in to my veins,
Making my thoughts worst.
Thousands of sentences in my head
Shouting to be heard

If I listen to them
Will they destroy me?
Or make me stronger?
I want to take the risk
But I am on my last string

A thousand words in my head
They make phrases
Some break my heart
Other bring tears of joy
But I need the ones
That will bring all of it at once

If I write them all
It will lose its meaning,
But they are eating me alive
Begging to be heard.
It feels as if another person was talking to me.

If I listen to them
Will they destroy me?
Or make me stronger?
I want to take the risk
But I am on my last string

I can not tell the difference
Between the poem and my life.
Like looking in the mirror
And feeling your reflection is someone else
“Just do it already. Join us”
Why is my mind playing tricks on me?

The words keep getting stronger
Controlling me
Taking over my body and soul
My actions no longer come out of my heart.
I am just a lifeless body
Or even a ghost

It’s not an option any more
I am listening to them no matter what.
My thoughts are not safe
Not even in my sleep can I get away
They keep mocking me  

The longer these words are in my mind
The more they poison my heart
Making it vulnerable
To the words I’ve tried to keep out
…but it feels good
I have this power I never had before

I try to fight the feeling of
But the words are getting to me
“Just do it already. Join us”
It keeps getting stronger
My heart says no
But my delirious mind gets trapped
The last string breaks
And with a wicked smile
I know that I have joined them.

A year ago,
the thought of ever saying bye
never came to our minds
but now
you barely have time for me.

lately
I feel like I'm the only one who
thinks of promise we once said.
When I talked you
it was always just write
but now
your words feel so cold and harsh.

A year ago
we were so happy
we even wanted to get married,
but now
your hopes are gone
and say love is a lie.

lately
I've been feeling like just giving up
and leaving every one alone.
you would miss me
but for how long?

A year ago
we still believe in love
and our heart weren't so beaten

Now
I just want to end my life
I don't want to stop believing in love
I would be happy
knowing you were the first and last person I loved

[] tell Dominic that you were not jealous but hurt
[] ask Dominic if he really dated me out of pity
[] tell Dominic I love him
[] read poems to Dominic
[] tell him why I cannot move on…

I see a couple holding hands
As I try to not think about you
…they remind so much of us.
He starts to kiss her neck
I remember how bad our PDA was
…almost hooking up in the bus
Now I spend my nights
Wishing I could talk to you
And my days at work
I try not thinking about you
However, that is not enough.
Its 5:51 pm and I am at work
Writing pointless poems for you
..Even though I know…
You will never again read my poetry