Wish this pain would just go away from my heart like pouring rain.
My emotions suffocate me its becoming harder to breath.
He said he cared and swore he loved me.
But my mind is speaking softly to my heart declaring something different entirely.
Let me be loved again, to not fear one of Gods most alluring as well as most malicious of creations.
When I die the world transpire will he
remember when my heart was once his fire? No matter how hard I try your
always there and no matter when or where your everywhere.
My only wish is to be the raging fire of his heart's desire, to be the
one to catch him when he falls, and help him through it all. To be the
one he can turn to when life goes wrong.
It's the simplest things that would take my breath away. The way he walks,
how he is strong but carefree at times. His smile, his laugh, hearing the
whisper of his voice in my ear when he says "tiamo".
His warm toned body wrapped around mine.
I've memorized everything, from the narrowness and the dip of his hips.
To the deep milky brown shade that color his eyes.  
When we're touching, skin to skin the feeling of his hands over me. I
loved this boy with everything in me.. He had become by whole world, my everything.  
Someone I know once told me that you know you truly love someone when your willing to take a bullet for them.
I was willing to undergo an machine gun straight through my  now empty chest.
If only i could have seen the excruciating heartache that this beautiful creature could cast among those cursed to carry him deep in their now shattered hearts.
  Then maybe I wouldn't be feeling like my world is
slipping from beneath my grasp. And I'm slowly losing it.
I lost myself within only a short few months and i struggle now to regain my will to live.
To erase the selfish impulse to bring a gun to my temple and pull the trigger.
I miss who i used to be, the pale girl with sparkling light golden brown eyes and thick auburn hair.
With a 5,4 petite frame and a nice smile. With a heart so longing for love.
And a spirit with such a admiration for life.
Now that girls heart is a gaping hole that she has no recognition of how to fill.
And she shuns the thought of letting love reenter her heart once again as she has a immense fear of heartbreak.
To be captured within the deep deep blue waves of those dark angry waters that  depression.
She has now hollow empty eyes with no sign of life buried deep within whatsoever.. no sign of ever coming back
to earth.
Now only chooses to have wisps of happiness once in every blue moon.
Love doesn't last forever, only a short while. take advantage of lust and love while you can.

You were my world then
When sun shines to bring smiles
Darkness manifest to intensify hope
When chocolates were our ultimate fantasy
When stars were still a mystery
When your glisten eyes moisten my eyes
When wandering rejuvenate us
When togetherness is all we want
Yes still, I remember our blessed life
Yes still, I remember the promises we made
To be united even if our life is at stake
Could you recall our unawakened dreams?
Wrapped in time you left me stranded
Or the time’s chariot took you away?
Leaving me behind
Implicit and despair!

charcoal grey, midnight black
all around me
no light getting in,
no love getting out.
blue-white, ice cold.
no warmth to be found.
anywhere.
darkness my only friend.
my life.

Peacock brilliance, rainbow hued
now fills my days.
The sun shines
with a sparkling incandescence.
The warmth of a thousand candles
lights my way in the dark.
Your love is my guide, my map,
my existence.
Iridescence in the night.
My life.
My love.