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Claire Elizabeth Dec 2017
Do you hear that? Hear the heavens wishing they weren’t so far away from you? Angels fall all the time, you were no different.

I can see the stars even from trillions of light years in the past, or is it the future? Either way, wouldn’t you want to be one too if you knew how empty their orbits really are? I wonder what they do with all the silence.

I still let the universe decide things for me. If the floodlights outside my window turn off in the next two minutes I’ll go to bed. If they don’t, I’ll lie awake in tranquillized agony. The sleepy self-deprecation I catch myself whispering into the thick darkness doesn’t seem so rigid at two in the morning. It’s….soft.

If someday the concrete of the road decides I’m no angel, I still hope I can hear the heavens wishing they could ******* pain on silvery tongues.
we were 5 years old
he wore spiderman velcro shoes
i wore pigtail braids
he had dark brown hair just like mine
we played tag together during recess
we would race to the swings
to see who could swing the highest
and then jump off
to either scrape our knees or laugh it off
he'd tease me saying "you can't catch me"
and wait for me to start chasing him around the dandelions
but now
i am 19 years old
and i forgot what my first love looked like
not even around the dandelions can i find my love
i forgot where he went and didn't bother chasing him again
so now i wait for a new love
to come find me not with pigtail braids
but instead find me here with my coffee and mascara on
Claire Elizabeth Dec 2017
Let me re-introduce myself to you.

My name is Being Terrified of Love.
I shiver when I cry and I breathe too loudly when I sleep.
But you already know that.

My skin is cold most of the time.
I have an uncanny ability to disappear into any blanket near me.
But you already know that too.

Sometimes my eyes don't know how to focus on you.
My lips turn white when I get angry.
And who am I kidding, you've known that too

Let me re-introduce myself to you.

My name is An Old Lover Who Still Loves You.
I hardly ever cry anymore and my hands hold my anxiety.
But

*you already know that.
Claire Elizabeth Nov 2017
When I get nervous
My laughter comes
In short bursts of
Wasted air and discomfort
When I get nervous
My eyes don't
Stay still on yours
Or his
Or hers
When I get nervous
The sky decides
It's better suited in my
Lungs and my ribcage
When I get nervous
My hands itch at
The surface of the moon
And the surface of my
Face and hands
When I get nervous
The anxiety held between
My fingers breaks
Into three thousand
Small pieces of frightened
Nights
When I get nervous
It's because I'm
Terrified that I'll end up
Like you

*I'm afraid that
The stars above won't coo
My name when I'm crying
Out your touch
  Nov 2017 Claire Elizabeth
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Two people are sitting at a table
in the afternoon, it is winter
and cold outside, dark in the room

She is dizzy and sad
from sipping the flat beer
of her own voice

He is like a stranger
who just blew in
she knows, if a man is sand
those who walk through
the desert are men

He is thinking of a stone
that flies in the dew
of the moonlight, an easy
thing for a sad man to do

I wonder if it was night
and they left together for separate
beds in different rooms

Would he think of her dress
falling down her waist,
or would she be in the jungle
making plans from the enemy's sleep

In a place like this, together,
looking into a table
wet from its own darkness,

What do they need,
what can they say?
Claire Elizabeth Nov 2017
It's late
The air outside is heavy and dense
And the sky is a soft blanket

The sidewalks are the only indication it's raining
And the fog that hangs under the streetlights
Casts a shadow

I still hurt
Claire Elizabeth Nov 2017
This body I inhabit
It's seen 19 years worth of wear and tear
Mostly tear

I tell myself that this skin covering me
Is beautiful
A protector of my being

But I do not love it
I don't love this body I live in
That I breathe in

It's made me feel insecure
Afraid of my innards
Forced me to cover it

I do not love my stomach
Or my thighs
With their unappealing size

I do not love my arms
Or my ankles
With a little too much extra

And I do not love my skin
A road map of acne scars and
Fresh stress breakouts

I no longer want the body I was given
I don't want this thing I live in
Give me something I love
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