His name was
Dakota

A tall boy with braces
and long hair
that I couldn't help but
love fearlessly

His name was
Dakota

And sometimes he
went by Kota
or Kotabear but to me
he was Kota

His name was
Dakota

He was a boy who
knew what it was like
to hurt and to
love fearfully

His name was
Dakota

A boy who loved someone
else at the
same time
he was loving me

His name was....

The morning was partly cloudy, misty and golden with the hint of a sunrise in the sky
Rain came in like a quiet friend and left with a suddenness that shocks even the most familiar
And evening rolled across the concrete with the smell of grass fires a couple states away and hazy beauty
The distances shrouded in a fine layer of imagination that makes clouds seem like abandoned structures
Makes the sun seem a little more sleepy than usual and the horizon dusty and ready for the night

We are the explorers of a sunrise waltz;

I am swirling sand and playful creatures.

You are the land we believed was mythical.

the days that are toughest
man
they're tough
with loneliness
that seeps between
my sordid grasp
lays upon the dirt
squeals with pain
hurt and disgust
disdain

i never think
about the next tough day
because they come
one right after
the other
bleeding
smearing together like
the lovely
canvases artists cry upon

loneliness wasn't
pretty to me
until the day you left
because the sky
had been blue
the night was
calm
and you were still
so so
heartbreakingly beautiful
to me with
your terrified eyes
and frightened mouth

the days get tougher
and sometimes better
but mostly
just more
and more grey
they blur
and swim in front of me
passive
tame and calm

you never knew
just how
much someone
could love you
until she
held your hand
kissed your frightened
mouth
closed your
terrified eyes
for you every
night
   *and i learned that sometimes loneliness is the best someone deserves

What kind of love is it?
In which one comes away from it
Feeling as though they just wasted
Their adoration on the wrong person

*I wasted my devotion on you.

There is a boy in my theory class that looks like you
His nose is gently sloping and straight like an arrow
Just like you, his hair is deep brown and smooth, straight
And his lips are bowed and soft pink, covering teeth a little too big for his mouth
But perfect for his face

There is a song that reminds me of you
It's by Tame Impala and makes me think back to the summer
When you drove around with me in the passenger seat
You hand covering my bare thigh, sticky with sweat but immovable because I am yours
And I loved that

There is a kind of day that reminds me of you
Sunny and breezy with the taste of freedom lingering in the currents
It slips between my lips and makes my voice laugh and my eyes water
Because the sky was never so blue than on days like that, days that slid through my hands
Slid through my fingers

There is a certain type of feeling that comes with my memories of you
It hurts and it burns the back of my throat
And it sometimes makes my skin crawl with regret and grief
But it also feels sore and delicate because my heart is so tired and heavy with these memories
With these reminders

There is a boy in my theory class that makes me think of you
Sometimes I stare at him for too long and watch how he laughs at a joke
And sometimes I feel my face lose its shape and seep right through the palms of my hands
Because even though he obviously isn't you, he looks exactly like you and makes me remember all of the times I kissed you while muttering love
   All the times I hugged you tighter than you deserved
         All the times I laughed too hard at something you said
               All the times I thought you were my one
And there's this word that reminds me of you sometimes
    *pain