To whoever touches me next,
   I'm not delicate anymore. I don't have gold running through my veins or silver in my hair. I'm not made up of flames and the sun anymore. I can't be your star.
   I'm by no means perfect. I never was and I never will be. The bruises that littered my skin as a child went deeper than skin. They were the first taste of my veins breaking open.
   When I say that I don't mind, know that I probably do. And I only do because I wish I was confident you weren't disappointed. Remember that when you touch me.
   Know that I care more about you than I care about my whole being. I want to please you more because then the attention will be diverted from me.
   I care if you say something critical. I may blow off a casual "it should look like this" but deep down I care.
   I am a lightening bug amidst a sea of stars. Keep in mind that nobody likes insects. I don't expect you to like me. I'm a bug that glows not a burning core of undiscovered atoms.
   If you kiss me in the middle of my back you will feel where my heart beats through my skin. If you kiss me on my lips you can feel where my heart beats through my breath.
   Lastly.
Love me. Please. I'm not expecting you to and by no means am I worthy of it.
   But love me.

i didn't know that a hero came with a gun pointed at my chest
and a knife pressed against my neck
i guess i didn't realize that he came swooping in
with venom on his lips that made you stop breathing

The sun is shining through the windows
And I feel happy for once

I know I should embrace this moment of true beauty

Because the earth is spinning as we speak
And the clouds are wisping over plains that reach as far as the eye can see

The sea is rushing over rocks that were there 100 years ago
And the air is brushing against cheeks that used to have tears on them

And to think that the earth has created something so beautiful as animals
And something so amazing as us

It's mind boggling to think that birds can defy gravity
And fish can defy water

If that isn't amazing then I don't know what is

But the most beautiful thing is to think
That we are breathing at the same time

And that's the most amazing thing that I can think of

It was an honor breathing with you for a short while.

I dunno what it is about the night
But it carries a certain chemical
That makes you high and drunk
All at once
And I dunno what it is about the moon
But it carries a certain posture
That says
Love me
I dunno what it is about the stars
But they carry a certain voice
That lilts
Wish on me
I dunno what it is about you
But it carries a certain drug
That causes brain damage in the part of your head
That helps with memory
And you would think that it would take away the remembering part


*But it doesn't

it's like getting sick.
when your body gets the chills and your back aches from the pain in your lungs and it seems like all you can do is bathe in hot water and drink tea.
and i guess it's like working out hard.
when your body hurts from the lactic acid building up inside your muscles and it seems like all you can do is bathe in hot water and drink water and Gatorade.
i guess it's like crying all night.
when your body shuts down from the alcohol swimming through your veins and the red hot pokers firing into your stomach making you throw up the entire cup of tea you tried drinking earlier because it felt like you were catching cold.
when your heart tries to embed itself in the walls of your lungs and your lungs try to embed themselves in the grooves of your ribcage but what are you supposed to do when your ribcage doesn't do its job and it lets everything out and you are left clawing at your skin trying to remove the memories that float around on it.
i can still feel your lips on my neck after all this time and i can still feel your fingers pressing on my windpipe and telling me that **it will be alright

marijuana stays in your system for only about 3 days
LSD only 3 hours
THC for a few days
morphine for 4 days
and you
you have stayed in my system for 7 months and counting.