there are some things you can't paint pretty

to me, words can be like a rain storm in the way that the sun is hidden
but the world looks softer, the lines are blurred,
all of the harsh and bold are pushed into drains on the sides of the streets

sometimes, certain things have to stick out;
things that natural inconveniences can't blur or soften;
things that tell you to get used to the lump in your throat

i found out through a facebook status

9:13pm on a thursday night, i found out
through a facebook status

the one and only
mess of a blue eyed time bomb
will never walk past me in a grocery store
leaving a scent of falling in love for the first time and
p r e s s u r e
so much pressure

because
she
is
not
here
anymore

and it makes me wonder
in those 2 years that we did not speak
what changed
who did she become
how bad did it get
before she thought her best bet
was a gun to her head

you hid from life in way that made
your loved ones lose sleep
you left this life in a way that makes
this town a little more dull

no one told me how much of an ******* i looked like at the party
how i was waving my hands around, drunk talking about
how good i am in bed
my bed is a box of springs covered in cat hair and clothes
no one told me how much of a lonely, pathetic wreck i look like
when i’m stressed, not looking at people and kicking things around, screaming
IT’S FINE, I’M FINE
no one told me how stupid i was to let anyone in
you said you liked my pictures, but i think you were just lonely

i touched the sweetest parts of you,
now i have cavities where you should be holding me together.
you asked me about it yesterday in a desperate whisper for a substance replacement.
you need me when you need something else.
i can't be your snow white sweetness, your black tar bride.
being a passing part of you has left me rotting from the inside out.
i could take care of it, but i'd rather feel your absence than nothing at all.