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 Jul 2013 Circa 1994
chels
Untitled
 Jul 2013 Circa 1994
chels
Dear you,
With the blood shot eyes that sometimes shine green, and the split ends and loose ends who can't hold onto a relationship -

Hi.
for a while
you were my home
for a while
you were holed up in my chest.

we made blanket forts,
set up christmas lights,
threw pebbles at traffic,
and soon,
we were unable to distinguish days from nights
then i took you for a tour
into my soul, through my delights

I lead you to a mirror

my dear

that's where you first saw you and me
but you only saw your scars
and i still tried to show you what we could be
but at the sight of yourself
you lost what could have been ours.

you ran away
leaving a trail
running through me
and soon
your words became my skin
your smile, my cells
my arteries were open and gushing
but you were constantly hushing
lest anyone hear my heart bursting from its encasement, underneath your heel.

and now, memories of blanket forts and laughing snorts can't drown out the howling wind blowing through my open chest.
where we used to play.
What do I really want?
I'll need some time to think
but in the meantime
let me inform you
that your sunglasses turn me off.
they haunt me with images of Lady Gaga
and if you're anything like her
I say nuh-uh.
You spend too much time painting your nails
checking your phone
and looking for sales.
Now, don't get me wrong,
I'm not saying looking nice is wrong
trust me
i notice
but i need someone with their priorities straight
not someone who regularly takes a picture of their plate.
and I don't want to just sit there and stare into your eyes
saying they're a teardrop from the moon
trying to get you to swoon.
your eyes could be the most beautiful things i've ever seen
but that means **** to me when you're a material queen.
instead, while we gaze into each other's eyes
i'll probably pick your nose
stick it in your ear
or wipe it on your clothes

i need someone who understands
that life is really about where we've been
where we're going
and most definitely
about taking the scenic route
because if our eyes are the windows to our souls
that's where I'll be looking when we grow old
and i'll see all our memories
not the cancer
the spots
or crippling disease.
because age may wrinkle our skin,
and time pass us like wind
what's truly important
is what's within.
Just like wine
we'll only get better in time.
so lets make those memories
lets scrape our knees
really feel the breeze
and please please please
remember that we can stay young if we just act a little dumb.
remember these mountains we climb would take less time
if we hold each other's hands
and intertwine.
that way,
whether we make it to the top
or life pulls us down
we'll be together.
my love.
my crown.
 Jul 2013 Circa 1994
chels
Untitled
 Jul 2013 Circa 1994
chels
i am glad
that i can pick off my skin
bit by bit
irk by irk and pleasure by pleasure and
feeling by feeling
and bit
by
bit
i am glad that sunburns don't hurt as much as they used to
and i'm glad that i don't have to tiptoe anymore
you're gone, and i'm fine
you're gone, and that's good
just... give me a bit more time
i am moving on,
like i know i should.
but next time,
don't hold back.
like you did with me.
just let yourself love him
just, for once, let it be
i know our time is up
and i'll loosen my grip
so when his hand reaches for yours
i'll have run far enough
I keep looking at pictures of you
so that maybe it won't be so hard to see you next time.
i'll get my eyes used to seeing you,
so that my spine won't shrivel
as the present motion picture
swivels through my heart.
but i think it's harder to look at pictures
than to look at you in person.
the pictures show what we used to be
snapshots of what we could have been
but the present us
well,
isn't us
it's me
and you
both knowing what we put each other through
and that's enough to numb any poison

our past is my antidote
 Jul 2013 Circa 1994
Chuck
Childhood
Innocence

Teenage
Awareness

Twenties
Indestructibility

Thirti­es
Caution

Forties
Confidence

Fifties
?
 Jun 2013 Circa 1994
chels
S
 Jun 2013 Circa 1994
chels
S
T
U
P
I
D
For it is the same every time; trapped in my mind with all fours on the ground, ***** to the wall,
I'm sorry I can't handle touching and feeling the way children can.
 Jun 2013 Circa 1994
chels
Untitled
 Jun 2013 Circa 1994
chels
never
ever
ever
give anybody
a kiss goodbye
because they will cut open your chest
and dismantle your heartstrings
and take them from you

they will play crossword puzzles with your veins.

i am trying my hardest
to throw away my feelings for you
but they are sticking to my feet like mud
caking the sides of my new white shoes
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