i have sunk into a slow numbness,
perhaps because something broke over me
the second i saw you again.
i realized,
it's better to be in full-blown sorrow
than in a fragile happiness,
forever staving off the blackness.

but instead, i have sunk into a slow numbness.
perhaps because you look away from me now
the exact same way that i look away from you.
your aversion gives me numbness.
don't you see it?
that's all this ever was. a fear of the numbness. a fear of the pain.
your indifference gives me numbness
because who wants to feel it
when the ripping apart begins.

i have smoked to numbness.
i have cried to numbness.
i have raged to numbness.
i have laughed to numbness.
i have embraced the numbness.
i have dug myself into numbness
but you gave me the shovel.

you gave me the numbness.
and i feel absolutely fine. i feel nothing at all.

When what makes them
t i c k. is known,
they are thrown
away like beer cans
in sand.
My wife must be
a lady
I will never understand.

Days and days roll through
only seconds. all that is
thoughts of you,
and your love
i am a charlatan and a fake
I am a hypocrite and a liar
i have nothing now,
i am the ugly man
and you will never
fool me.
i find myself with not enough time
and to many thoughts, I love,
I yearn, I seek
I envy
I require everything.
I feel pretentious, one of them.
arrogant, unoriginal
i beg for your love
i did it, I was there,
are you there with me
you are but you are
invisible
compleatly,
Now.