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Brush in hand
Canvas blank
But this time, right now,
I just can't bring myself
to scar the surface.
Excuse me while I scream this out
It builds in the back of my throat
Unnamed it tears me apart
I will myself to spit it out
Welling up and roiling with emotion
This is an odd mix of fear and passion and love
I've given all of it so freely before
But it's fear that stops me now
It builds in the back of my throat
Please excuse me as I scream this out.
There is something so pure
In being content with lying
Entwined with another
Doing nothing more than
Memorizing the lines and marks
Upon their skin and matching
Your breaths to theirs as you
Realize you could be happy.
There is a girl who always brings a smile to your face
There is a girl who warms the hearts of everybody around
There is a girl who especially wants to warm your heart
There is a girl who looks into your eyes with love
There is a girl who smiles even when she is sad and it can't touch her eyes
There is a girl who holds the weight of the world but
There is a girl who always has strength to hope for new futures
There is a girl who would go anywhere and do anything for you
There is a girl who loves to stand in the ocean and gaze at the setting sun
There is a girl who wants to travel the world wherever it takes her
There is a girl who wants to do all of this with you
There is a girl who will always carry burdens that are too close to let go
There is a girl who is unsure of so much but she is so sure of you
There is a girl who wants to be the one who holds your hand
There is a girl who hopes you realize
There is a girl who wants to be her
Vladik Vladik
by the sea
I crossed the bridge
and felt your breeze
but people walk
imposingly
and keep their face
a mystery
because of this
I only see
a sadness in
the city streets
Vladik Vladik
by the sea
it got too cold
I had to leave
Vladivostok, Russia (Vladik)
I am a fish and you are the sea
  Half of your waters contained within me
Frozen or flowing I need you around
  To keep me from earth that can gather and bound
I'm flaking with salt that falls off my bones
  Releasing itself into bodies unknown
Who will I save and who will I ****
  With the levels I spread taken in by the gill
Keeping away from the surface of light
  I swim in the deep and put up a fight
The pressure surrounds me on every side
  And within its grip it is harder to hide
The farther I go, the less that I see
   "Where is my sight?" said the fish to the sea
have you ever felt like your words were rain
like they were meant for only the thirstiest souls
and as soon as you opened your mouth, you began the search
which turned into a realization -
every single person needs water
including you
sometimes one single cup is enough
(those sporadic moments spent with strangers you'll never see again)
others demand more
time be the gauge
as for those you're in constant contact with
well, measure infinity
if (and only if) it is so, what you're pouring out can only be what you've taken in
these two are one and the same
well, we must be in a drought
Just some jibber jabber.
the way you write, it's as though you understand everything 
but you act against this logic

my explanation is so simple I doubt you'll understand anything 
I hide inside the pen ink
i can't remember the
last time i died to
myself
had you seen what you were eating
you'd have not fed this to me
I'm convinced that what is breeding
stained the bed with apathy

love was twice what you'd expected
bought with coins of earth and stone
keep them hidden in a satchel
you have threaded on your own

back in bed where time elapses
slips between our bodies rift
I collect the sheets in boxes
pack them neatly like a gift

one day when you need the feeling
you will find it with your soul 
in the corner of the ceiling
I'll be guarding what you sold
what happens when you try to sell something you can't buy
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