This is an evolution document.
In 2015, I became a person again.
I claimed my birthright.
Others may believe that I am a smile,
Or a grimace.
But I am a great wall.
Sound bounces off my bricks and reverberates into the forest,
What crashes against me must lay,
Fallen, beaten, weary,
Surprised by the natural immovability of my soul,

I will not be taken by you,
You will not dictate, or patronize, or qualify,
You will not hurt, or love, or nurture,
You will only realize,
That I am a wall,
Built to withstand far more than you can tolerate.

Wind worn hair and skin,
Dry and tight,

Because the wind blows cold at night,

And I have to travel great distances to get to you,
And you will only receive me,
When shocked.

So I disrobe along the street's side walks to display my desperation.

And when I knock,
Knock at your door with knuckles stiffened, cracking,
And you rush it open swinging, bringing me back into your sanctity,

To find I've come in ******* form to claim love like a debtor,
I see the draining of your forces behind impenetrable gates,
As we converse under the false pretense of

Continuing conversation.

And when I'm walking home,
Wearing what you've lent me,

Feeling sullen, but cared for,

I realize, remember,
You've never gotten what I've delivered to so many friends and lovers,

And that's when I feel alone.
My demands seen through your eyes.
Leaning as I walk toward a place polite and graceless.

Unresolved.

The ache, acute,

Confounding reach for ascension,
Gripping the doors, the floors, the tightening
Of muscles wrench against a whine.


Annoyance, pain, and aggravation
Require a fabric to tear,
They manifest themselves by ripping
At what we hold most dear

And leave holes where once was wholeness.

When others can resolve a misconception,
And render the ripping a figment
Of perception,

To what end does silence travel?

Or,
Like a tailor,
Should I resolve myself and learn to stitch,
At what others cannot see, or claim, or reach beneath.

Or lift.

Push.

A wanderlust of identity,
Exploring the heights, the depths,
Walking plains and climbing and falling,
And failing,
Successes like bright white blinding light,
Filling every peripheral space,

The rich reality of fault vaporized like dew.

Push.

Salt slips from these lenses,
The womb's embrace a reprieve irresistible,
Punishment and consequence under cordial invitation,
Arrive in every corner of a mind relenting,

Bathing in the luxury of a lack there of,

Push,

Promise spoiled like the appetite of a child,
Filled with sugar and fat,
A comedy of medium wants uttered in duress,
Fettered by former, and far more formal, drives and visions,

Push.

This day is not over,
And life is not over,
And death is not over,
And breath carries songs of romance and courage,

When the allowance of frailty inhibits progression,
Where stillness is prodded by critical enmity,
Of all that lies sullen and sorrowful.

Push.

Confide in the righteousness of the body, the mind.

Each full rotation of wheels,
Like screws,
At sixty mile per hour,
Serve to crank and coil,

Until the arm reaches for a cigarette,

Roaring across a scenic landmass,
Oblivious to its picturesque landscapes,
Alive to fear and war,
A fight for space most near one's core,

The motor coach speeds,
But the mind, it races.

Past experience spy-hopping from the deep,

No rolling hill,
Or tropical palm,

Can disengage such focus,

Cure the self.
Curse myself.

The chaos beaten down with effulgences of affirmation,
Like bubbles of light emerging from a tar pit,

Fueling this crusade,
For something good.

A live wire,
Wildly,
Explosives ignited,

How to be calm?
Reclaim power?

It's my wire,
Cut and let loose,
Flung about purposely,

To ignite,
Bring awareness to,

The unsaid.

The body left,

Before its time had gone,

All remained in hallow sensation,

Blonde streaked above wires,

Open, firing, sparks like chips of flame,

An ire unattached,

Elemental threats whist into a floating core,

Rooted by stars and planets,

Personage misplaced, gone,

A force of pure,

Invitation,

To either all of life,

Or all of death,

Written in cables and code,

For eternity to query.