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It only hurts so badly because
the only person I have ever let in
and really let in
that has loved me
and I have loved back with the same fervor

It only kills me so well
better than all the other things I have tried
is because I love him so
and he! He drinks!
and seeks to change me!
To get me to accept that!
I cannot
I know that I am mad for keeping such an ideal,
but I fight for it.
And he wants me to lose.
Look! The sky is alive!
A writhing, spitting monster
marking off the years
Hosanna! hosanna!
The gay and massive celebration
swelling in the sweltering streets
hurling fire
and music
and the smell of fresh ribs off the grill.
*Good God! Hosanna!
Last night was terrible
my own words cut my tongue and the ears of the man who loves me
He clung to me, trying to hold me together
but I was splintered well before he got to me
so all he could do was bleed.

But then
the sun
came
up.

That's what I wait for;
the next day.
As my Nana says,
the garbage man takes away everything that hurt you
but you just gotta wait till morning
keep pushing till the morning
So I did.
Thank you, sunlight
and to the birds outside
thank you to that man
and to my friends
The dawn crept up over my face,
and the broken windows were swept from the street
clean curbs.

I was broken glass last night.
But today, I start as just a girl.
Thank you to everyone who pulls together and saves me. Thank you so, so much.
I don't talk about this
you'll think I'm crazy
**** me, **** me, **** me, **** me
the drinking and loss of it all it clouds everyone's view
and no one, no one thinks I'm right
because I'm not
I'm ******* not, of course not I'm crazy
I want to die
**** me
I want to end this
no one thinks like I do
I wanted to find one like minded person
and there is no one
no one
because I'm crazy
and the feelings won't go away
I want to die
hand myself
poison myself
something
I don't belong here
someone
god, someone
I'm crazy
no one will accept the way I think
because I'm wrong
and I know I'm wrong
I'm wrong
you disgusting pigs
and your need for pleasure
and and
and
I'm crazy
no
stop this
**** me
someone
someone
My lips part eagerly
as a welcome party for the peach
so juicy and ripe
and in its own way, eager for  my mouth.

The juice mingles sweetly over my tongue
and slides down
shocking my mouth
with the sweet growth of sensation
my mouth full of the sweet water of the flesh
so wonderful,
so sensual,
so much like love

I miss you
I speak
English
Japanese
and
Chinese

Those are in order of my skill level.

He speaks
English
Japanese
and
French

I wish I could baffle his ears with such sweet sounds as French,
the music that it writes as he speaks
I will find something
that will amaze him
but there is no real language of love
Rye
There's something black inside of me
rising like gall
sitting on the edge of a cliff
and I would love to be some Catcher in the Rye
but I'm not that surly
I there aren't any prostitutes round here for me to hug
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