You see yourself as less,

apologizing for fancied flaws & imagined improprieties.

I see the kindness of your heart,

desiring good for all those around you.

You see yourself as dark,

full of negativity & sarcastic statements.

I see in unguarded moments

the softness of your soul,

and genuineness of your generous heart.

You see yourself as undisciplined,

as lacking routine & constancy.

I see the strength of conviction

that guides your heart,

the self-made statutes of kindness that control you .

You are ever willing to condemn yourself

by some artificial standard of  attainment

given to you by others,

who may not know your quintessence...

but I know you.


I love the life I see within you &

love to be connected to the wit & wisdom

& wondrous effervescence that are You.

How blessed is the mind that can forget,

and looking back remember only melodies,

without the darkened undertones of life,

which then remain only as the harmonies.

If memories of darkly haunting sorrow

can fade beneath the music of the light,

the blending of these two as time continues

creates within a soul the song of life

A well of insecurity lies within

which takes a mere hint

of love or affection,

to wrench to the surface,

sending it rushing uncontrolled

all over my life.


Would that I would not splash

that pool of anxiety onto you

who deserve nothing but my untainted heart,

but waves wash out &

when I least expect it

come crashing down on you.


Yet you bear up under the onslaught

and continue to show up again & again

even when I count you out.

your constancy stills the surging swells

until they are mere ripples under the surface

of the calm sea that is our love.

I’d like to be what you want

but it seems I fall short.

Life has trimmed back my branches

and limited my emotional reach.

I would love to stretch out

to where you are

to catch you and carry you

above where you think you can go.

Yet I’m trapped by the twisted distortions

of my trunk, my withered leaves,

and gnarled arms,

and I hesitate to even offer you shelter.

So I stand silent

as your gentle wind

stirs my branches in vain.

Turning in a crowd

I recognized you

a face unfamiliar,

a soul akin to my own.

Pausing to consider

I searched your eyes.

Your heart beckoned

and I succumbed.

Moving out of darkness at a crawl

pressing into light,

I lay aside encumbrances

one small shred at a time.

Though dropping an ounce of vice here & there,

I long to throw down more, break the chains,

and divest myself completely of  this heavy load

and run to my future unencumbered.

Yet here I stalk slowly forward

losing no more than minimal amounts

of the weight that does beset me,

trudging more than running the race,

noting every inch of progress,

recording in my mind any gain however small

that tells me I  may someday have some hope of winning this race.

(Hebrews 12:1)

Shock waves, tremors,

rolling en force from the core of my being,

out of the impact of what has

transpired so unforeseen,

reverberating from my life to others,

and just as in me the rumble subsides

undulating back to blast me in the face,

a stark reminder of the force of the initial tremor -

unanticipated aftershock