My father is not the best man.
He is a drunk, absent, loud, chaotic.
But as I grow older, the more I understand.
While he is those things,
He is also misunderstood, broken, defeated, human
I understand now because the heaviness I feel day after day,
he also feels.
And although we do not speak,
I have never felt closer to him.

My father is not the best man.
He is a drunk, absent, loud, chaotic.
But as I grow older, the more I understand.
While he is those things,
He is also misunderstood, broken, defeated, human
I understand now because the heaviness I feel day after day,
he also feels.
And although we do not speak,
I have never felt closer to him.

Sometimes it feels like I'm not truly living.
Like I am just biding my time until the day comes that will one day come for us all.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty for not wishing you a happy birthday.

But then I remember all the years that I waited for you on my birthday. Too drunk, too high, too careless to remember.

Somehow I still feel guilty. But I swallow it down and move on with my life.

I'm scared that I will love you forever …

Let's watch a movie
Be sure to pick one that makes you feel alive as you watch it
The kind that makes you feel like your life could be bigger than it is
Afterwards, you find yourself wanting more,
Inspired to live.

And then let's hold on to that feeling as long as we can

If I were in a room of all the people I have loved,
My heart would choose you.
But my head would choose another because I fear you no longer want me.