When I was eight years old I dropped my pencil and managed to put it through my left foot
Thats how I learned to sit still and dive into my own head instead of the outside world
I came to the conclusion that anything outside my eyelids was dangerous
So when I seem reserved please don't hold it against me I just feel like I need to protect myself
I have plenty of scars now but most of them don't show easily and I guess I should apologize for it
The next year I injured myself learning to ride a bike something I had never had any interest in
That was the day I learned not to try so hard for things I don't care about
When I was seventeen I met a girl who told me to never hug with one arm because it was half-hearted
Over the next year she became very dear to me but it didn't last nearly as long as either of us hoped
But you can only wear a mask for so long without suffocating yourself but that is what she learned
I was just tired of getting sick from the lies she spoon fed me calling it medicine
That was also the year I learned that I am not responsible for anyone else's actions but my own
When I was eighteen I went to college and experienced the entire twelve year school experience in three years
I never understood culture shock until I was alone surrounded by loud people who didn't think the same as me
I met them both in college but they seemed to be one person and I think that was just to make up for lost time
But truth be told that was time I could have lived having lost I'm still trying to drown out the bitter taste of regret
That was how I learned you could give too much of yourself and I knew I was right to say the world was dangerous
I learned how three am felt and the cold gaze of the stars that scared sleep away became all to familiar
Soon it became clear that not everyone loves or feels love in the same way
And the only relief I could find was driving down the highway only lit by the cars that couldn't sleep
When I was twenty-one I graduated from college with what I imagined to be a useless degree and I was vexed
Infuriated at the idea that I had spent so much time and money on something that would never benefit me
No matter what angle I looked at things I could not see the wisdom in this decision but I was also a fool
I got a new job that I would not have been prepared for without my time at school
Here I am an anomaly that no one seems to understand and thats okay because ultimately this is what I need to be
We don't happen by chance that has never been the way anything works
I know this because things are better now and I'm starting to question validity of death
*~W.C.