They said the hunger would fade.
How laughable.

I wanted you to say you were on your way.
I wanted you to say you were coming.
I wanted you to say you didn't have to be my ex anymore
Not just my friend.
I wanted to see if we'd changed.
But I was afraid of messing it up again
Afraid that if we repeated the cycle
Next time we wouldn't have survived.
I wanted everything and nothing because
Even in its nonsense
Where we're at now
Is what makes the most sense.

Scattered points and sharp edges,
A body never lies.
The spaces in between soft and
Warm and
Welcoming
It’s also in your eyes.
Crevices hold darkness and
Secrets hide within
Luckily you don’t have many
For some reason or another
You chose to let me in.
Every mole and whisper of a freckle
Discovered in the dark
Is another story, yet untold,
Finding them now
Is an art.
The hairs across your body
Took time for you to love
Sometimes shaving
Sometimes leaving
What once you were embarrassed of.
As comfort levels increase
And masks keep coming off,
Details ever smaller show,
More for me to love.
Little “flaws” and blemishes
A body never lies
Every mark, a part of you
Perfection in my eyes.

There are certain times
Like when I’m sitting up
In the wee hours of the morning
With tears running silently down my face;
Or when I’m sitting at dinner,
But I’m not really at dinner
That I just…
Need you.
I need to know you’re there.
I need the warmth of your arm,
You sitting next to me.
I need to know I’m not alone.
It’s times like these
That I want to call you.
Hear your voice
Hear you pick up the phone.
Hear that it really is that easy.
But I know that I can’t.
You wouldn’t pick up.
The line would go dead.
For me anyway.
The lightning bugs outside my window
Would cease flickering their tails,
The sky would slowly turn
It’s breathtakingly beautiful rose,
The world would awaken
The symphony would begin
And still
The phone
Would ring.

You used to go on and on
About how I was always so **** cheerful in the mornings and I
Told you over and over again that it was only because
I was waking up next to you and that's
Proven to be true.

I was able to run away from this pain for so long but then
I blew out my knee and stopped running and
It caught up to me.

The fact that you have to ask
If I'm happy
Shows you don't get where I am
And that we've never been on the same page.
I don't know why I'm still here.

When did love
Cease to be enough?

I have to tell you.
I have to tell you all.
But I don’t know how…
I can’t find the words to say…
To tell you…
That I’m not who you all always thought
I was.

If we find ourselves disappointed
It means we wanted more.
If you admit to being disappointed
You admit to having wanted.
If I've disappointed you
Will you say it?
Will you say that you want me?

At every stage -
Every step you took towards a more serious relationship -
I wondered
If you were telling me because you still wanted me
To say
"No.
Not with her.
I still want you."

But who am I to say such things
When you could be happy