He doesn't know the extent of it.
How much I have actually let him into my heart.
Foolishly I let myself fall into a pool of dazzling water.
Now I cannot find my way out as I start to drown.
I never have let myself become such a mess over a man.
Now at the thought of him I am resolved to almost nothing.
I am afraid to admit the truth to even myself,
but it’s there sitting in the front of my mind.
I cannot hide from it much longer.
These things I have started to feel there not normal,
I think.
But how could it ever be.
He creeps into my thoughts every moment,
though I wish they would just dissipate.
I am sinking deeper into this pool; it seems to have unthinkable depths.
I was not expecting this.
Why can I not hide from these long hidden fears?
Trying to run from them is impossible.
Running on water I have never thought to be possible.
It is like trying to climb a latter without steps.
As I except what I have done to myself I feel joy.
The water that has taken hold of me is beautiful and comforting.
I know in a way I am safe,
as long as I come up for air every now and then.
I now start to tread the water,
no more sinking or drowning for me.
It may seem it was a simple thing,
but love is a more complicated creature than one would think.

The sounds of explosions startle my heart
Deafening booms in my ears
But its worth it to be sitting here with you
Colorful explosions intermingle
Your hand reaches mine and i find our hands intertwining
Its a dance they do to the beat of the booms
Fireworks in the dark
It is all so very magical
But will it last through the night
This long yet short lived day has flown away
Your breath tickles my neck
as you lean in to say your good-byes
I had been so lost in the thought of tomorrow that i forgot about today
Now its over and there you are leaving
You take my hand one last time
You come near as you whisper in my ear
We'll always have fireworks in the dark
I smile as we part
I now know that this is just the start

In a second my life changed like i could never imagine
The world was all Topsy turvy
and i a floating object in the turmoil
A simple six letter word
Thats all it took to take my stable world away
Upon that fateful day I was 15 and the date was May 12 2008
My diagnosis Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 2 B
My freedom was stolen from me
School i could no longer attend
People i could no longer see
The world was shut away from me
Chemo and Radiation were my companions
Aiding me in my time of need
But the truth in that was they were killing me more than saving
Strong of heart was I
I would not be taken down
I tried to show no fear or sorrow
And now am thought a strong young lady by many others
The most glorious day was when the cancer went away
September 28 2008 i was told
After I regained the freedom i had lost
four months later did my true story unfold
January 12 2009 I knew something was wrong
I was right I had not yet won the fight
Hodgkin's lymphoma was back to greet me
This time worse stage 4 B had me captured
A junior in high school i had been
But now once again I could no longer attend
Chemo my friend, we were reunited
I guess it missed me
This time a new component was introduced
Bone-marrow transplant, Auto stem cell
After tackling these feats I met radiation again
September 2009 i was said to be free
it was like history repeating itself
But this time i was wary
now it is July 4 2010
I am heathy, I have graduated
but the damage my six lettered fiend has reaped upon me is still here
An immune system i no longer have
My life still on pause
But i do not care
Because i know what its like to have your life dissipate without warning
Life is like a flame it can be snuffed out in a second
So remember my words
Please
Dont let any regret into your life
Dont pass a single moment by
Live love and try

The day is young he said to me
Lead the life you live and be free
So I lived in that day
The world embraced me with warm and open arms
That day was young and well lived
Once that day was over
I then asked him
Now that this day is done
What was I to learn from it
The day is a memory
He said to me
To hold forever in your heart
You have learned that
In the passing of something great
Though you’ll be saddened by the loss
You will always have the warm memory in your heart
So the day may be young and will be over soon
Make the most of it and don’t regret
There is nothing to lose

This was unexpected.
You, the man my heart seeks.
How could it be possible that it is true?
Is it happening?
For me and you?
A man in uniform.
I have fallen for.
Stupidly I let myself go.
Where no woman wants to go.
You could die in battle.
Be blown to smithereens.
Take a gunshot to the heart.
And bleed out.
But I can’t stop what is in progression.
They say the heart wants what the heart wants.
But do I want this?
No.
YES.
My brain and heart battle.
Should I choose logic over my heart’s desire?
But how can I stop this fire?
To let romance and passion go denied.
It seems so wrong.
I know he’ll be in the military long.
So how long can I wait?
Is it destiny, maybe fate?
He is a good solider, he won’t break my heart.
But will I break his?
Man In uniform, leaving for the army.
What would you do if I asked you to stay?
But I can’t.
It would be dishonorable.
But the truth is.
I love you.
Man fighting for the red white and blue.



-Dedicated to loved ones who have someone fighting for their country

A life so short at the ending
Yet so long at the beginning
Time is nothing but it is everything
Existing as we are
Moving forwards and backwards
Up down and sideways
At the exact same time
Always colliding
These lives intertwine
One beginning with another
thoughts ending with the other
Yours mine and ours
Each of us
A ribbon of light
A line securely tied tight
When severed
Fades
Darkens
Until it is nothing
This ride of intermingling pain and joy
Like a sweet n' salty treat
To live is not for nothing
And not for everything
This path walked by many is unforgiving
Yet enlightening
We are the same
But we are different
Some fill their living moments with all that is possible
Others leave theirs blank
A minute is short
But a second can last forever

Life makes me tired
Living each day with the movement and thunder of it
Swaying from day to day
The river of this life always flowing
never slowing
Things are never as they seem nor are they easy
But i keep going down this river again
Hoping behind each bend
That theres something worthwhile
I know there is
So I'll keep looking
But this time
I open my eyes and have only found lies
the river will one day come through and send me
To that bend which brings hope
This time I have opened my eyes
I see the world as it should be
with a simple surprise