These thoughts inside my head
Are memories long gone, lost or dead
These things you forget
I'll usually remember
I'm not sure why
I remember.
Sometimes I wish I didn't
Like the times I made you cry
Or when we cried together.

Little things
You forget you told me.
I remember them all.
Not just with him.
With most everybody.

She told me she was *****.
He said he wanted to die.
When another one cried
I still remember the shine in his eye.

His preference to music
That one song that hit her hard.
How Ace of Spades
Wasn't just a card.

I remember spilling my past
Into her ears.
Watching her eyes
Fill up with tears.

In the 4th grade
When he did the splits
In 3rd grade when
She was made fun of
I was her only friend on that playground
Playing tetherball everyday at recess.

How the 'weird kid' thought my pie
Had cockroaches on top.
They were Pecans.
You asked me every time I brought it.

In second grade when you made fun
When you found out I was adopted.
I remember my dad made you cry.
Then later in High school
You liked me.
I didn't.

I remember the countless nights
I'd wait up for your call.
At least that didn't fail.

I remember all these things.
But they're lost in all of your minds.
Not in mine.
They won't be forgotten soon.

Love or hate
Live or die
Black or white
That's how
It used to be
No colors shone
Through the thick
Heavy veil
Of the sorrow
Of the loss
Of the woman
I'd never know
And I wonder if
She'll approve of me
Of whom I've become
And the things I've seen
And the things I've done
I used to always
Think
Wish
Hope
That she'd come back
Now at 16 I still
Think
Wish
Hope
That she'll come back
And impossible dream
An ungranted wish
That one spot left
On that old ***** dish
Now my future
I hold in my hands
Should I throw it away
Let it blow with the sands
No
I think I'll hold on
Cause for now I belong
I'll do great things first
And when my future
Is no more
My old tired body
Achy and sore
I'll lie down in the sun
And absorb the colors
Maybe one day
My wishes will come true
In vibrant color I'll see her
The perfect blue of her eyes
The curl of her ***** blonde hair
For now my future
Is to be left untold
Let it work on its own
Unravel, unfold

I don't want to hurt you,
No, for it would hurt me to.
Every little thing you do
Has me trailing you.

Oh Dear, my Dear
If only you could hear how
Every little thing you do
Makes me want you.

All these thoughts inside my head
Are spilling out on this bed
Knowing you're no longer here
Just makes everything lead.

My feelings splatter everywhere
Knowing your hands aren't here.
If only Dear I could know where you lie
I could finally go and say goodbye.

Dear dear Mother
If I could change this I would.
Mother I wish you weren't lying there,
In that box of wood.

I wish you'd hold me
In that sweet tender embrace
Telling me it'll be alright
Running your fingers over my face.

I wish you could tell me more
About how I came to be.
Mother, mother how I wish
You could only see.

How everything you went through
Has effected me.
Not hearing your coo
While I lay here and cry for you.

Not knowing what you sound like
Not even your final words
Just feels like a spike
Is pushing through my innards.

I wonder what you'd say
If you could see me now.
Just seeing what you left alone
Asking yourself "how?"

Just knowing what I've become
Everything I've gone through
The trials I've overcome
What would you do?

Come running to my arms
Hoping for forgiveness
Trying to work your charms.
Well Mother, I just don't know

The answers to these questions
Will stay unanswered yet.
I'll find them all one day
That I can bet.

Riding around with the wind in my face
Moving along to the beat of the bass
Lost in song
This is where I belong

Born at midnight
An odd sight
A baby carried out of a motel
A mother’s best pal
Into the hospital she went
Her time with her baby spent
She was on drugs
Couldn’t keep her
Put up for adoption
Adopted by her nurse
Almost snuck out in a purse
By her mom on drugs
To give the baby to thugs
At 6 years old she found out
She was adopted
She started to shout
Why me
Why me
Why not her
At 12 she started asking
She was starting packing
What she didn’t know
Started to show
All that went on
At thirteen she found out
Her mother had died
Hopefully she had gone
To heaven and beyond
On January 18th
In the year 2002She died of a blood clot
And has never caught

Another cold
Under 6 feet of dirt
Wearing the same shirt
She lies cold and dead
For all eternity
No pictures of her daughter
All that’s left is memories
Except for her daughter
For she knows nothing
About her mother
In denial
For months on endS
he will never see the bend
The destinationThe end
How tall was she
What did she look like
Did she know how to ride a bike
So many questions
No answers yet
Now I can bet
She misses me
As much as I miss her
What did she sound like
What did she wear
Where was she from
How did she style her hair
Who was my father
Why even bother
He didn’t care
About me or her
He never did meet me
I never met him
He should climb out on a limb
For me
So I can be free
From this mental prison I'm in
I can’t go anywhere
My minds behind bars
My feelings are getting
Run over by cars
He doesn’t care
He was never there
To support her
In her time of need
To stop her from smoking ****
Or shooting up crack
He’ll never be back
She was alone
She had no support
She had to get rid of me
She didn’t abort
Me in her womb
A perilous tomb
Forever locked
In a glass jar
Thank god that’s not me
She saved my life
By taking me there
That is the place where
I met my new mom
Who will be there
Forever with me
She will support me
And give me help
I still have questions about her
But I will meet her someday
I see her in my dreams
But that’s all it is
A dream
An idea

The girl with the hips
A little too wide
Whom ‘pretty’ girls have bullied
And damaged her pride
They hit and punch with words
She cries and hides
And burrows down deep
Down deep inside
All of the unspoken
Words from her lips
Are swallowed in mouthfuls
Of delicious salty chips
The little effort she gave
Was not enough
To help her be brave
A cold callused heart
Not yet ripe for the picking
Now damaged by a dart
The blood started dripping
She felt again


She wanted more
She let the blade bite
Till her arms were sore
Can you see her laughing?
She wont show you her pain
Can you see her smile?
She thinks there's nothing to gain
A grin
Instead of a tear
She wont listen to me
When I've already been here

I wish I were a mermaid
So my problems would be gone
I wish I  were a mermaid
So I could swim from dusk to dawn
I'd chase the sunset
And just forget
I wish I were a mermaid
So I wouldn't have to think
But I'll never know what its like
Because its something I'm not
Even in the ocean
Where the waters never hot
I wish i were a mermaid
Because it seems like fun
Swimming around
And basking in the sun
Now I wish
With all my might
To make my wish
Come true tonight
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3