Another moment of me dealing with where I’m at
Needing to feel grounded and knowing that I’m still here
Xeroxing more functional versions of myself
Intruding on personally perceived reality
Emotional states then carry me away
Time simultaneously crawls and speeds, adding to my panic.
Yielding to feelings of helplessness

© 11/9/24, Christopher Chronister

Attempting to pull someone you love out
Extending your hand during the descent
Remembering love. the voice halts the shout
Yet feeling guilty for what you lament

I struggle to hold things together now
Panic and depression are feeding me
Wanting to cry for help but don't know how
Wondering what people around me see

Trying to reconcile both of our pain
There is no denying that we both hurt
About to leave but love has me refrain
Needing screams without sounding an alert

Acknowledging struggles I remain strong
Feeling whatever action I take is wrong

© 2024, Christopher Chronister

Activities are taken for granted
Levels of trusting in entertainment
What happens when the trust is supplanted
When child safety should be the attainment

You loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
And enjoyed playing flag football with friends
Now a community faces hurdles
After the tragedy of young life ends

Five years is not a long time on this Earth
But you made your mark on all you had met
With a family loving you since birth
Something Maryland should never forget

Declan, in your playful jumps to the moon
Heaven received an angel way too soon

© Christopher Chronister 8/5/2024

Refusing to catch a film with my dad
I had more important things to do then
Constantly arguing and being mad
Protecting the reputation of men

Not sure we ever forgave each other
For growing up and for getting older
Former best friends fighting under cover
An audacity to become bolder

A childhood of amazing memories
Which cannot be dismissed as nostalgia
Turned into teenaged years of fantasies
And an emotional diaspora

In struggling to be a better son
Being a father can help me be one

©  Christopher Chronister 09/18/2023

You were always missed while you were away
We assumed if there was time to make up
Certainly we would have another day
Today I will drink from a guilty cup

I ponder my availability
Did I extend my hand often enough
If teasing occurred over empathy
Projecting the image of being tough

Today on my mind like never before
Was there failure in communication
Could I have reached out to my dear friend more
I'll end my letter with hesitation

Now praying there is indeed a heaven
When eight feels longer than twenty-seven

After only five short years on this Earth
Your young life was tragically ended
Forced to enact resilience since birth
Abused when a parent was offended

Thinking on your great possibilities
General wasn't allowed to command
The world was robbed of your abilities
As a child was denied a loving hand

Questioning everything worldly I kneel
Darkness descends as light flickers away
Hearts fragmented from this story will heal
Tearful eyes dry while other children play

Heaven's population is adjusted
When children are hurt by those they trusted

©  Christopher Chronister, March 2022

Hopeful energy radiates from you
Therapy mended this fragmented heart
Now I have found blissful love that is true
I'll try to return that love, for my part

To provide you with warmth is my life's goal
Before you came, loneliness was my plight
I'm lucky I found the mate of my soul
In darkness it was you who showed me light

Upon your birth, the world became better
On your life's journey, many hearts you've touched
Time with you sparked this birthday love letter
We are grateful for the love you have bunched

Your smile is the way I now see life
Happy birthday to my beautiful wife

© Feb. 2022, Christopher Chronister

When at once in the dark I was alone
Lost I was and unable to find me
Loneliness is what my heart had been shown
And desolation my two eyes did see

The sorrow that was building became rage
And fire within me surely did grow
I imprisoned myself inside this cage
Making my tears evermore slowly flow

The pain you bestowed upon me with lies
Has been reborn and now it is named hate
For everything about you I despise
An end is what I patiently await

I will rubricate this last song of mine
And know, an encore I will disincline

©  Christopher Chronister

Envisioning premature ascension
While fighting cynicism of today
Yearning for a new sense of direction
Hoping angelic music will now play

Sadness overwhelms, seeing your arm reach
Trusting the unworthy was all you knew
In a cruel world, it’s devotion you teach
As angel eyes transform, but remain blue

Playing with my son I begin to cry
Emotions run deep as fear rushes in
Wanting to believe that angels do fly
I just cannot decide where to begin

Tragedy starts with early morning dark
And ends with abandonment in the park


© Christopher Chronister, 3/2/21

This was my favorite bear Cubs alliance
      Dunston, Sandberg, and Grace
Who almost did it, but were stopped by the Giants
      Dunston, Sandberg, and Grace
Mark was so clutch, Shawon sure could throw
      And Ryno of course was the main show
Spring words that could make me forget about snow
      Dunston, Sandberg, and Grace

©  Christopher Chronister

Confusion is what troubles me
What I am and what I can see
Blindness sometimes is what I feel
Knowing not what is real and unreal
I no longer feel the need to belong
The will that I have is one that is strong
To forever halt the pounding
The pounding in my head
And to finally see the beauty
The beauty of my red
Fear was once an enemy
But now it is my friend
And with the cold blue of my eyes
Does the color so nicely blend
Beautiful, beautiful red

© Christopher Chronister

Helena means shining light
And that light was a guide when I was lost
Peacefully you lead the ones you love towards light
Purpose is the gift you keep giving those who surround you
Yearning to help the light shine so bright

Beautifully, you continually show caring
Irrevocably your love beams
Radiantly all around
Tenderness pours out glaring
Happiness through you has been found
Daily I am truly thankful to have you in my life
And proud to call you friend
Yet prouder still to have the honor to call you wife

© 02/10/20, Christopher Chronister

His visions are intrepid
Imagery his escape
Vanity is the mask worn
And pride is retaliation
Anger has consumed him
Hatred his solace
Revenge is what he seeks
Though his enemy is elusive
His eyes have been blinded
Illumination the latest fear
Beware the lonely one
For his tears are not revealed
In the dark

© 2019, Christopher Chronister

Fairness dances away elusively
The brightest lights flicker, then turn dark
You are now an idea we cannot see
Limited by time, you still made your mark

Betrayal against boyish colored blue
Tragically, evil controlled the helms
When everyone you trusted has failed you
The sadness in your story overwhelms

Left without vision of who you will be
Abandonment of care was defaulted
When counting stops at merely twenty-three
Earthly justice appears to have halted

Where does real adjudication derive
In twenty-three months of being alive

© Christopher Chronister,  09/18/2018

Noticing more and more distance
Observing the rift created by changes over time
Slumbering through because it is what's expected
Thinking back fondly as reminiscing paints a smile
Avoiding differences when possible
Longing for a time that was simple
Growth has me feeling small
Ignorance would truly be bliss
Attempting to have love remain unconditional

© Christopher Chronister 11-4-2017.  All rights reserved.

I never wanted to fix anything
Observing your essence flow endlessly
Fixated at the ways your hair will fling
Transformation has occurred mindlessly

A fierce devotion which remains unseen
Visibility not being the goal
Any motives inside my mind are clean
Emotional releases I control

Purity does not equal completion
When I witness short beautiful cycles
I feel nothing stronger than devotion
And I abandon any recitals

Experiencing wonderful magic
Unrequited love is not so tragic

© Christopher Chronister 2016

Another holiday season is here
It’s this time of year I’ve felt so alone
Directly in the midst of growing fear
Is where an unlikely friendship has grown

This new relationship has no labels
But I notice I seem to smile more
Not looking for a love found in fables
It’s nice to have met a friend I adore

We both have our separate barriers
Yet, this season I am thankful for you
Despite our ways of handling pressures
My holiday message to you rings true

With care sans social media displays
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays!


© Christopher Chronister   December, 2014

She acts so cautiously
Like I am made of glass
I attempt to hide that it offends me
A smile appears to let her know…
It really doesn’t bother me
I casually explain that life experiences
Which otherwise wouldn’t have taken place
Are well worth her reason for being here
Despite past hardships I want her to see…
It really doesn’t bother me
We share a couple of forced laughs
And apologize for things
That happened a long time ago
I give her a friendly hug so she can feel…
It really doesn’t bother me
She departs like an old friend
I wave like I might think about her
But won’t mind that she is gone
I am hoping she accepts that…
It really doesn’t bother me
I come back inside and play with our dog
Then I give him a huge hug
As I stare over at my signature
I hold back tears as I convince myself of the lie…
It really doesn’t bother me

© Christopher Chronister  Fall, 2014

Movements become sensual while we dance
I am feeding my addiction again
Consistent eye contact creates a trance
Intoxicating escapes will begin

Our bodies act as if we are alone
My fingertips gently touching your cheek
Physical neediness is what I've shown
Sexua1 tension I actively seek

A continual hunger consumes me
I ache for clothing to cover the floor
Ice completes my gratification plea
As emotions are chosen to ignore

Ero+ic pleasure occupies my mind
Fighting the love my heart attempts to find*


© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved.

A simple conversation creates laughter
And then we stare into each other's eyes
In that moment we are all that matter
Emotions transform as fear slowly dies

Tenderness in touching leaves us exposed
Gentle kissing ignites extreme passion
The hastened subsiding of fear has slowed
We commence to hide in our own fashion

Quickly, excitement gives way to distance
Physical and mental escapes combine
Togetherness switches to resistance
Real feelings are where we have drawn the line

Denial of anything to profess
Within the magic of a last caress

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved.

You dance to the music
So very close to me
Barriers slowly remove themselves
I feel so close to you
Eyes lock and the trembling commences
I feel your touch beforehand
Lips meet for the first time
Your touch is sensual, yet caring
With clothes on the floor
Our hands are together
We touch so gently
I stare into you
Learning so much, without a word
We are so close to each other
Amazing nights blend
Creating mornings where I hold you
Friendship is transforming
We take long rides, stealing beautiful moments
My heart races but it feels so right
When you are close to me
I open my eyes and look at the screen
Sent From Columbus, OH
I want you close to me

Beautiful day for visiting the lake
Summers in Michigan are terrific
Carefully treading for our friendship's sake
In thought my intentions are specific

Amazing spot for friends to assemble
Three in the water enjoying this beach
Temperature's cold, yet not why I tremble
You are so close but clearly out of reach

Brushing against you I know I want more
Friendly playfulness makes me yearn your touch
Realizing these emotions shakes my core
This friendly swim has me feeling so much

I listen to hear if my heart speaks true
I believe I could be falling for you

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Apathetically
Beautifully Callous
Distant
Elegy Frees Gradual Hesitation
Insecurity Justifiably Killing Love
Momentum Nullifying Optimistic Peacefulness
Quietly Relinquishing Shared Togetherness
Unhappiness Virtually Wills
Xeroxing Yourself Zymotically

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

I try to remain calm
Simple conversation fuels curiosity
My focus is acute
I want to be reckless
I attempt to seem distant
I am hiding
Like a predator circling prey
I am waiting
Leaping prematurely could be costly
My hunger justifies risk
I want to be reckless
Outside influences
Compel me to behave appropriately
I am screaming
Secrets disguised with lies
I am hunting myself
I want her exposed
For I am exposed
I am vindictive
I want to pull and rip
S+rip her of shame
I am burning
I want to take her in front of the world
I want to be reckless

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Friendship requested and accepted
Avoidance seems more accurate
Constantly, I see her green dot
Excitedly, I begin to type
Benevolently, she sends a message
Openness has given way to casualness
Obsessively, I cling to words
Knowing the outcome, I profess my feelings

Nervously, I await the check mark
Ever so eager for a response
Ritualistically, I keep reading my message
Voyeuristically, I scroll through her page
Obsession has me trembling
Uncertainty controls my mind
Stop is the one word response
Namesakes who cannot talk
Excessively, I look at old pictures
Silent cries are what remain
Seeing her online breaks my heart

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Dear father please drink
Then you may say
That you have lost your way
More importantly, the ability to think
Excessive amounts of wine
Will make this all seem fine
You can deal with regret the next day
Still holding the excuse you need
Permission granted to plant the seed
Now shadow and man align
We were offered as a sacrifice
For hopes and dreams of paradise
It is us that you mislead
But let us continue and we shall stay alive
An extra turn as three becomes five
We are no angels and we will pay the price
The price of loving you dear father
Many moon gifts to you we honor
If we cannot be angels to you then we will strive
To make our very own
So we will not be left alone
Love your daughters

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Exposing myself despite feeling fear
The cold night air is intoxicating
Conversation builds as frights disappear
The heart skips knowing what I’m awaiting

Dancing together the world seems to halt
Hand within hand and eyes locked as we kiss
This amazing free spirit I exalt
Tomorrow this night I will greatly miss

The night comes to an end with a soft touch
I want to freeze time stopping this car clock
These tender touches lead to yearning much
Your beauty creates feelings to unlock

After those brief moments of elation
I am longing for continuation

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

With very few people out there speaking
It makes me wonder how many have prayed
Forgiveness is what I will be seeking
For the apathy that I have displayed

So many have fallen, some who were teens
But after all, death is so depressing
I continue with my daily routines
With the emotions I am suppressing

Now I feel like I am being hunted
I have become prey to my moral sense
With ghosts of the dead I am confronted
That I am uninvolved is a pretense

Thousands die as I watch a news story
My conscience hunts and I am the quarry


© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved,

Pulling on wings
Slowly and delicately
I hear the screaming
Expressing my fears
I continue to pull
This hurts me
I hear the crying
My sadness is appreciated
This enables me to continue
I am feeding myself
I want to cut deep
I need this
Contradictions are my life
Duality defines me
I want to hurt you immensely
I want to be the only one
The only one who can heal you
I need you to love me
I am slowly dying
I want you to bleed with me
But I will feel guilty
I have pain to give
I will always try to hurt you
I will always love you!

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Illustrative disregard is creating

Nervousness which controls my limbs

Fragmentary is the heart

Infected by a broken promise

Disrespect stings me

Elevating my pain

Loyalty has been compromised

Intrusion has enraged me

Trust slips into abandonment

Yielding to uncertainty


© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved

Twenty-six times the bells will chime today
Tragedy lives where apathy is sought
Gazing outside I see no children play
Tears which we shed in a glass are now caught

The tears are now saved and we will have drink
Twenty-six times we have pain to swallow
Tragedy's cup compels fairness to shrink
And fragmented hearts embrace the sorrow

When the cup runs over we start to drown
On the sadness we invited to come
And jewels we place in tragedy's crown
Provide the reason we will mourn for some

As we choke on sorrow with awareness
Ponder the elusiveness of fairness

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved