Oh momma momma momma

How I am slipping away,
Lost from the path of my very own way
I am slipping on the idea of loving my father
and
I am slipping on the idea of being your son
but most of all
I am slipping on the idea of losing her faith in me

Now I have slipped to the bottom of the iceberg that is this cold world

Just know if I die today
I was never meant to stay,
Gone away to a land no religion can define
Into a world of my own divine.

Oh how I see it
When the sun kisses the land before going to bed
Oh how I hear it
When the birds sing their sweet melody entrancing the peace
Oh how I feel it
When the snow makes the hair on my skin nervous
Oh how I smell it
When the ink dries itself off on paper
Oh how I taste it
When the cinnamon bun melts the icy icing on its skin
But yet I refuse to believe in it

If I were a glass jar
I would overflow with a shyness
Such a shyness that stunts my growth
Blocking the sun never letting me blossom
From the tiny seed I am,
Into a large oak tree that towers over the shyness
Like a cockroach never dying always dismaying
I will always remain the tiny seed inside that glass jar
Until the seed dehydrates into death
And the jar shatters

She walks on water as if land wasn't enough
Sometimes she stops breathing due to oxygen being afraid
Afraid of the natural breathtaking beauty that is hers
Something so rare and sought out for by every girl
She possesses in every step that can make any boy
Want to become her knight in shining armour
But all she wanted was a boy who never changed
Never altered themselves for her
What she wanted was for someone to simply be real
To be everything they are even if it doesn't compare to her
This curse never came undone
And she lived life a beauty with no one.

You sit here telling me I am to emotional
You sit here telling me I give you shame
You sit here telling me I am nothing
You sit here telling me about your awful life
You sit here telling me to stop playing the victim
You sit here telling me you were a straight A student
You sit here telling me that this house is all you have left
You sit here telling me that I am going to end up like my father
A lier, theif, crook, and a bad husband

However you, mom are were I get my emotions from
However you, mom bring shame to the name
However you, mom aren't even important to me
However you, mom have made your own mistakes
However you, mom cry about how you're always the victim
However you, mom dropped college and is now struggling
However you, mom don't even realize that once had me
However you, mom make me choose him over you

You mom bring tears to my eyes
You mom are overprotective and crazy
You mom yell at me for doing nothing
       When you sit here yelling at me that I am nothing
You mom could have changed your life forever with me
You mom are the victim of yourself
You mom are underpaid and dropped out of college
        Look at where those all important grades got you
You mom were once the color of my life
         And now you are out of my crayon box
You mom took me away from you, when you chose a house over me
You mom are the sole reason that I want to be my father

I would rather be a bad husband and a good father
Then be a ******* dad and a good husband.

The entirety of my short life has been dedicated to finding
A way to save the wicked from falling
Trying to save a life within a statement
A statement that can spur imagination in the most vacant
More importantly one that can take your sinning,
Narrow soul and broaden its boundaries to new beginnings
Opening the gates of learning the soul of others and their company of good faith in which you both live to share.
I search for something that I have already seen
The answer lies inside of every human being
This answer is not spoken but is in reaction
To each others infrastructural abstractions

In front of me always lies a patch of black ice
And whenever I take the chance and step forward
I end up sliding backwards
Even further then where I started

Adapting everlastingly I stopped going forward
However even when I stood still it seemed I go back
Everyone would look at me and say why so afraid
Why so shy why so lazy why why and why
That's when I realized that I had never stopped going forward
That in doing nothing I really ran further then before
And now I have slipped on that familiar feeling ice
When I look at the ice all I see is the monster that holds me down
And when I look at my reflection in the ice
I stare and let myself become trapped in the ice, in the monster
The only way to go forward
Is to break the ice, the monster; myself
The only thing that blocks me from being free is me