My fingers trembled and clenched around a tiny blue box,
a tiny blue box of matches
A small box, containing small wooden sticks
That’s what was going to end it all
I had a match in my hand
You raised your voice
Actually I’d call it a scream
Screaming my name
Begging me to burn it down
And you told me to make sure I lit it all on fire as that was the only way to end everything we knew
Bring it all down
Bring everything we built down to nothing but ashes
You screamed
My hands trembled
Holding tightly onto the little blue box
I had a match in my hand
You raised your voice
And I closed my eyes but I never opened them, and I never heard you scream my name again
I think I let it go
I no longer had a match in my hand
And our love was left burn to ash

Our bed was on fire, and you just stood there. I swear I seen the devil in your grin, it wasn’t you but the you I knew wasn’t real - so maybe you were the devil beneath your clothes. I knew you lit the matress on fire, your dad told you to burn your old mattress and buy a new one every few years. That explained why you ripped our mattress off the bed we shared, knocking things over and creating chaos. You were chaos, sometimes old memories of you slip up, and I smile but then I remember you lit our ******* bed on fire.
A bed may have a different meaning for you than me.
You used me like you used that exact mattress to sleep around on. Now look at you, burning your past, trying to hide the damage we both knew was done.
You lit our ******* bed on fire.
It was a ******* Tuesday in January.

What do I do?
I’m lost without you
All it takes is thinking about your face
I shut the door
Got on my knees
And begged please
Bring her back to me
I don’t know how to pray
Never really believed in God
Now I’m on my knees expecting him to answer me
Asking him, oh God, where is she?
I’m lost without you
All it takes is thinking about her name
Living my life with a broken heart
Her allure was the smell of her perfume
And it haunts me in my sleep
Falling apart
I don’t know what to do
Looking for you to save me
God, please answer tonight
I need her back in my life
I’m lost without you
All it takes is waking up in the morning
And seeing your side of the bed still made
I’m lost without you
All it takes
All it takes
All it ******* takes is me waking up every morning and this gaping hole in my chest widens
All it takes
How long until this hole completely breaks me? Engulfs the person who you one time loved
All it takes I tell him is bringing her home to me
On my knees talking to a man I can’t even see
And how do I know he’ll even hear me with all the sins I’ve committed
Loving you was my favourite and I hope he hears it
Begging, father, please, bring her home to me

She was the guardrail;
that stopped me every time I pressed on the gas a bit too hard. She stopped me from going over the edge every time I went too fast around the sharp corners.
She held my hand while they picked out all the bone chips and cut off my blood stained clothes, it could have been worse but she stopped me from going off the edge of the cliff with her guardrail heart.

I killed myself,
I killed myself more than once but I know that makes you sad. The very thought of me killing the person I’ve become to start over new. I killed my mind, simply trying to stay alive. I killed myself by loving you. I killed myself without even trying. I killed my self best by living everyday so unhappy. I don’t know the person that lives here now because I killed myself.

Every morning I wake up, I hope the moment I open my eyes, I hear you getting ready in the bathroom, I hope I hear your footsteps coming to wake me up for school. I hope I’m 10 years old and everything is okay, but every morning I wake up, I feel pain in the pit of my stomach, I don’t hear your footsteps and nothing is the same.

I built us a home and I hoped one day you’d walk through the front door again. Kick off your shoes and tell me you’ve come back to stay.

I built us a home and I waited for you to come back home to me.

You never did. Both myself and the house I built for you grew old, waiting for you to come back home.