Every morning I watch the sunset from my bedroom window, I’m not a morning person but since you left, I don’t sleep much. You snuck out, and I watched your car drive away under the rise of the sun. You left me roses to show that you cared, and leaving hurt you too. Every morning I watch the sunset from my bedroom window, hoping your car will pull back into the drive way.

Terrified that we just lost you. I was troubled what my next move was going to be without you. How could I make my next move without you there to guide me? Tragedy was nothing I really had experienced before, something I somehow could avoid before.

And then it happened, I lost you, my best friend. Heartsick, grief-stricken, sorry, out of sorts. Call it whatever you want because nothing else could matter once it all fell, crashed to the ground once we found out you were no longer there. A ******* tragedy I could never come back from.

Now I’m spending day after day looking for you in every part of my day. Every gust of wind, wondering if you’re *******. Every sunny day, wondering if you’re smiling. Every rainy day, wondering if you are hurting. I wonder if you are the butterflies, the rainbows, the smiles in strangers. The flurry of snow on Christmas. I look for you in everyone, everything, all around me.

I think you’re still here, not far at all, close to me, close to my heart, helping me in some other way.

‘Tu me manques’

If you translated this french phrase into English, it simply means I miss you. Yet, it’s deeper than that, more complex. In french, it means you are missing from me, you’re part of me, you mean so much to me that you became part of me and losing you felt like losing something crucial to my existence. Losing you was like losing my heart, not in the cliche type of way but in the way that it’s a vital piece of me that is now missing from me that kept everything about me alive. You were the light that kept everything from being dark.

You say all lives matter yet the only lives you are protecting are those cis gendered white, males and females. Even then, our women fought for the freedom they still don’t equally have. You say all love is equal but throw a coffee at someone holding hands with their same *** partner. You say all lives matter but you accuse an innocent man of colour for giving fraudulent money for the sake of his skin tone.
All lives can’t matter until our friends, family, and community can safely walk into a store to purchase something, and walk out without being attacked to the point of death.
This is the same system that let a man out after six short months for good behaviour for multiple ****** assault charges. The system is broken, and in order to protect those we love. We must stand.
We must scream.
We must riot.
We must vote.

I’ve been hearing feelings
Knocking at my door
Recklessly I let them in
I let them in
This is not the best place to find love
In the ghosts of a girl I once knew
They keep me up all night,
Singing a tune about you
It went something like

She’s a girl that’s both the sun and the moon
She’ll never let you see the darkness without the light coming soon
Who would have thought I could love my best friend?
But she drove recklessly into my heart, same way she drives her car, one hand on the wheel, the other on her knee - forgetting to watch her speed
Her blue eyes, shine like the moon
Her heart warm like the sun
Holding tight onto something I didn’t know I would lose so soon

When I’m with you, I have a friend
And suddenly the haunting comes to an end
No longer stuck indoors
Between these haunted walls
You must think I’m drunk when I mumble the words you’re so beautiful
But you don’t let anything scare you the way I do

When you lay that beautiful head of yours down at night
Do your thoughts try to drown you and does your chest get tight?
One minute you’re here, and the next you’re fading. The things I’d do to stop all your aching.
Something doesn’t feel right, maybe it’s because I keep waiting
Waiting for these feelings to bring you back
I wish I could bring you back here, for one more night,
maybe these nightmares of losing someone like you would stop.

This is not the best place to find love
In the ghosts of a girl I once knew
They keep me up all night,
Singing a tune about you
It went something like

She’s a girl that’s both the sun and the moon
She’ll never let you see the darkness without the light coming soon
Who would have thought I could love my best friend?
It was the way she made me laugh through the depression
Not letting me feel alone
She made my thoughts go silent when she was around

When I’m with you, I have a friend
And suddenly the haunting comes to an end
No longer stuck indoors
Between these haunted walls
You must think I’m drunk when I mumble the words you’re so beautiful
But you don’t let anything scare you the way I do

I feel battered
Sleeping till noon
I thought it was the ***** but I’ve been missing you
And that haunts me every night
Will you hold me tight
Maybe I’ll get some sleep tonight
I keep trying to close my eyes but the ghosts over shadow me, and life after you keeps my thoughts racing and my chest tight

You crashed your car into my heart
But I was drunk and I let the devil in
I let her ******* win
I recklessly let her win
When I let those feelings in
I should have never opened the door

This is not the best place to find love
In the ghosts of a girl I once knew
They keep me up all night,
Singing a tune about you
It went something like

She’s a girl that’s both the sun and the moon
She’ll never let you see the darkness without the light coming soon
Who would have thought I could love my best friend?

When I’m with you, I have a friend
And suddenly the haunting comes to an end
No longer stuck indoors
Between these haunted walls
You must think I’m drunk when I mumble the words you’re so beautiful
But you don’t let anything scare you the way I do

Now everything reminds me of you
ghosts
Blue eyes
The moon
Who could have thought I could love my best friend?
Now I’m drunk, sleeping till noon, devil by my side, wishing it was you.
Come back, take my hand, and I’ll put the bottle down
I’m knocking
Please let me in

Finally found internal peace but I never thought it would be you who put my mind at ease.
My demons inside me use to beg for this feeling, and all it took was your voice to sing them to sleep.
My mind never felt so clear, so free.
If this is how it feels to be around you, I don’t think I’ll be able to survive without your high.
I understand the concept of addiction, if I can’t quit, then I’ll never be the same again,
If you feel this good, I may become an addict, and I have everything to lose.
Keep singing my demons to sleep, my love.
It’s the only way to keep me alive, without your voice they chase a high that’s known to ****.