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Help me understand. Help me come to a conclusion. Why I am the way I am.
Help me decipher my inner thoughts. Help me find a way to survive in this place.
Help me figure out what I mean. Help me realize what I need. Help me get through this.
Help me get out of here. Help me.

I cannot fight the war from the inside.
I cannot get my point across from behind enemy lines.
I cannot get around my mind.
Cannot decide a ******* thing for myself.
There are always a million other people
weighing in, screaming their opinions...
Whispering in serpent tongue
paranoias and red flags.
pointing out every little thing
that means nothing, really.
but in that moment
with a million voices
my world falls down.
my heart caves in.


I am not one person.
I understand if this is hard for you to grasp.
I understand if I am too much for you.
I am too much for a lot of people.
Nothing with me is easy,
Everything is a battle.
Inside and out.
between me and me
me and you
me and her
me and him
me and us
me and them.
Everything
is
a battle.

exhausting.

at the end of a typical day
I've gone through a dozen wars
a hundred second thoughts
a thousand put downs
a million arguments
just with my self.

I'm having just a little trouble
figuring myself out
hearing my voice above the others
thinking clearly.

I'm tired of listening.
 May 2013 China Marie
Izzy
Untitled
 May 2013 China Marie
Izzy
Touch me the way you did before.
Say my name the way you used to.
Let me forget the horror
Of this new reality.

Just like Icarus I flew too close,
Too close to the radiance of you.
Now I lie broken bodied upon the rocks
Of our happy past.

Look at me with those longing eyes
That used to beam with love for me
Take me beneath the sheets of this new world,
And embrace me with a love long gone.

Say my name, call to me
In the sultry tones of the night before.
Wake me with the tender kiss
That used to pull the breath from my lungs.

Let me not lie alone,
Not like this,
Broken *****,
Broken hearted.

How high can you fly,
With broken wings?
How far can you fall
With a broken heart?
 May 2013 China Marie
Ayaba Babe
with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.
stripping the constellations
searching for something bigger
than the compilation of love
or whatever it was
that we feathered through the sand that night.

that was the last time that we were together
you and i
lonesome
under the moonless sky
seen only by the eyes of God.
guided only by the light
and the might of the stars,
no matter where you are:

with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.

every time our eyes collide
the constellations quiver
every time
you look into my eyes
i see you riding the tides of my skies
sliding along the slopes of my little dipper
abiding the strokes of my heart to beat quicker
searching for something bigger
than the compilation of love
or whatever it was
that we feathered through the sand that night.

that was the last time that we were together.
the weather has shifted many times since then,
it has now been awhile.
yet, still now
the compilation of your smile
is the only pile of shine
that can blind the vastness of my mind

every time

you look at me

i drown in the vastness of the seas
that flood the skies of your eyes
with every starry sky,
i still search for the big dipper.
upon it,
when both our eyes linger
i can feel the shiver
of the astronomical quiver

when i'm guided by the stars,

you never feel quite so far.

— The End —