There is no such thing as true silence
At least not on this earth
For the earth itself has sound
It hums
Constantly
But it is often covered

By the sounds of people and of grass or pavement under feet
Of water or cars rushing by
Of the wind whispering through leaves of trees

But in the lonely places of the world
Where for miles and miles there is nothing but dirt
and nothing -or almost nothing-grows
Where, if you stand on a hill and listen closely
You can hear the muffled voices of those a mile away

In those places you can hear the earth
Deep and low and full
A sound silenced by the culmination of other sounds
Which are themselves mistaken for silence
A sound that when heard, though quiet enough to be drowned out by whispering  trees, fills the void with sound
The sound of Earth singing

Wonder
A word for curiosity
And for awe

Rarely at the same time, but what if we were filled
With awe-filled curiosity

What if we looked at the world through the lens of wonder
Of awe at the way trees transform light and water and minerals into something
Green and pure and alive

What if we were filled with curiosity
At the way all things somehow connect to each other
And awe at the way something as simple as a smile
Can grow into something as beautiful as friendship

What if instead of apathy and cynicism
We looked to understand and to see the wonder-filling things around us
That are so a part of our everyday lives
That we miss the insanely beautiful complexity of what it took
For something as extraordinarily improbable as a flower or a sparrow
To become ordinary

I wonder
What would happen if we started to fill ourselves
With wonder

Grace is undeserved
It is never earned
If it were, how could it be grace?
Justice is fine but without mercy
What hope is there for you or I?
For we are all human
And to be human, is to fall short
Of who we were made to be

But take heart!
For to be human is also to be loved
By the One who made you and I
And though he judges us for what we do
He takes the sentence we deserve
He becomes human, as we were met to be,
And takes on our inadequacy
The judgement we deserved He gave himself
And instead He gave us
Grace

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you did an archeological dig
On me
If you dug up my soul and my heart and everything that makes up my non-physical being

Would you find the scars of the major hurts in my life?
The abuse, the loneliness, and the self doubt?


Would you, upon further inspection, see that the former two are formed,
Not only by the first, but by what should be  insignificant actions done by other people
That hammer at my heart
Putting cracks in my self confidence and my self worth
I don't want to hide it, but I do because I don't want you to see this part of me

And if you dug up and analyzed my mind,
would you see all the unkind thoughts I think-
All the pride I carry with me-
in contrast to the constant feeling that
For some reason
I'm not good enough
And the fear

That if you really knew me you would walk, or even run,
In the opposite direction

If you were able to dig into my spirit, and see me
Really see me
And dig up all my thoughts and feelings and secrets
What would you find?
What would you discover that would make you see me differently?
If I were to do the same for you
what would I find?
I'm not quite sure, but what  I do know is this:

That whatever I found, and whatever I discovered, and however differently I saw you
Afterward

Afterward

I would still love you

And sometimes
I wonder
If you dug me up and saw

Everything

Would you still love me?

I wanted to tell you how I felt
I wanted you to know what was going through mind, but. . . .
I was afraid
You see,
Being me,
I was afraid
Afraid you won't really understand
Afraid that you have other things on your mind more important than what I'm going through
I was afraid that you would no longer look at me the same way
I was afraid

And so I was silent
I said nothing

And the unspoken words welled up as tears as I lay by myself in bed that night
As they always do when I don't say
What I want to say
What I need to say

It's lonely being afraid
And it's scary to tell someone
That you feel so alone

That's what I was afraid to tell you,
And I was afraid to ask you
"Are you lonely too?"