Hard to go on...so little information
So hard to know to trust my instincts or
to just be open
Try to let go...those 'perfect' expectations
I just never know...what with all my imperfections


(CH) I get nervous
Questioning my very self
All my introspections
Everything I think I know
My experiences
Every thought and nurtured hope
Comes down to fear or love
and learning when to just let go

I get tired...too tired to bother trying
Never dreaming, but overanalyzing
I get lazy, and sometimes I get whiny
Procrastinating...
and in general; just wasting time

(CH)

(instrumental bridge)

I get fearful,
sometimes feeling uninspired
Things seem hazy some days
Often I feel strung too tightly

But if I close my eyes
It all just disappears and
if I express it right
I only hope it comes out clearly....

(CH)


By Cheryl Klassen

© 2011 Cheryl Klassen (All rights reserved)

confused by my feelings
consumed by my thoughts
colors are blending
between my needs and wants
Something feels so real
but it's probably not
almost convinced but
I've never forgotten
Ego and pride
vs authenticity
challenge the truth
and savor the sting
neither escaping
embrace what there is
never anticipating
the pleasure in this
how overwhelming
and humbling too
a day at a time
just a moment too soon
consumed by desire
confused by the truth
but I'm learning to love
as I let go of you

I thought it was a need
that made me different
I thought I needed
something to redeem

I thought it was a need
for something magic
I thought I knew
the essence and the theme

It wasn't just a need for
something unusual
It wasn't just a feeling
That comes and goes

It wasn't just a thought
I couldn't process
It was just too painful
for me to show

I thought it was a need
for something stable
Thought that I deserved
a certain peace

I thought it was a need
for love and safety
I thought it was a need
for the strength to succeed

It wasn't just a need for
something eclectic
It wasn't just a feeling
That came and went

It wasn't just a dream
I couldn't possess
It was just too brutal
to understand

I thought it was a need
for self-actualization
Thought I needed space
and time to breathe

I thought it was a need
out of co-dependence
I could not fathom
the need to be free

It wasn't just a need
for something electric
It wasn't just a feeling
I couldn't arrange

It wasn't just a hope
for some affection
It was just the energy
we exchanged

I thought it was a need
for my own acceptance
Thought I could be
strong and still optimistic

I thought it was a need
that was unrealistic
But it was just another
weakness I could never admit

I thought it was a strength
Kept me indifferent
Thought it just a phase
I tried to pass through

I thought if I could
Give it some attention
Maybe I could learn
To stop blaming you

© 2002 Cheryl Klassen

I'd thought I might do something crazy
Just to get it out of my blood
I'd been thinking about myself too much
And that's never a good thing

Praying I'd find some strength inside
Some grace and self discipline
Life isn't about what I might want
Though that's probably a good thing

And if I look away at times
I can't quite look into your eyes
I may not trust myself to speak
A bit afraid of what you'd see
If I'm confused once in a while
Appearing lonesome and fragile
I've tried hard not to let it out
That's not the me I'm all about

I'd thought I might do something crazy
Just to get it out of my blood
But that'd be thinking about myself too much
And that's never a good thing

By Cheryl Klassen

I always said
I was no angel

with all my human needs

with every single
stark defect

all the faults and flaws in me

I never tried
to mend a heart

tamed my demon honesty

I only meant
to tell the truth

just to show the way I feel

I said
I wasn't perfect though

and I've proven not to be

But all along
I told the truth

my feelings, sharing freely

Idealistic,
hopes aspired

to see what sounded true

and though I was
'authentic me'

I was so confused

Instead of finding
answers

Only questions echoed back

and I was
always certain

to see more of what I lacked

Never feeling safe,
secure

in who I could believe

I finally accepted facts
and recognized

the real

considering
other's attributes

I had confused with me

I had a skewed
perspective

and a fragile self esteem

Fostered
by the fantasies

of completely selfish dreams

I always said
I was no angel....

I was always only me.

By Cheryl Klassen

even when i don't like what i hear
i know to listen
even when i don't like what i see
i look at me
even if it hurts to face the truth
i want to find it
even when i'm disappointed
i still want to see
people that i know
i know i touch them for a reason
everything i learn
i will be grateful for in time
all of what i am
and know i still need to let go of
everything i have
and can impart with strength and love

By Cheryl Klassen

Just a moment or two, that was all we ever knew
saw the value in the cost, but just too late
All those bridges we burned, while we each refused to learn
When the memories brought us pain we pushed away

Was it something left unsaid, all those dumb mistakes we made
All those years of silence only undermined
Now when all's said and done, will we each choose to move on
Will the bitter or the sweet be left behind

promises fall by the wayside
intentions smoke and ashes all the same
And though we end up with forgiveness
Still it hurts to see illusions burned away

In a moment it's gone, on our own sides all alone
Do we blame the world around us, close our minds
When the smoke finally fades, dust and ashes blown away
Do we choose to trust again, with open eyes

promises fall by the wayside
intentions smoke and ashes all the same
and though it still hurts like it has to
Some old bridges are best burned away

By Cheryl Klassen

If we can learn to really listen
Things begin to make more sense
We could avoid misunderstandings
If we could learn to hear ourselves

When we purposely avoided
Conversations and disputes
Sacrificing painful lessons
Denial overtook our truth

If we learn to speak in earnest
Strength can overcome the pain
If we learn to just be honest
Love ourselves and try again

If we never put it out there
Nothing comes back in return
It's not all bitter disappointment
There is something to be learned

If we can learn to really listen
Things begin to make more sense
We could avoid misunderstandings
If we could learn to hear ourselves


By Cheryl Klassen

Reeling...from your blatant disrespect for who I am...
And feeling...like you could never understand...
and yet I'll still extend my hand...

I wonder how you'd feel
inside your mind...
If you could live my life.

Trying to allow myself to see
beyond reflections of
your judgements of me...

Past all those things you disapprove of
and things you think you see---
All of the fragments of all there is to me.

How well I understand your rage...
How well I recognize your pain...

If you could only see...
beyond illusion,
beyond ignorance and apathy...

Through the mirror of me...

Do you recognize me?
Do you like what you see?

Shadowed by the ghosts
of days gone by...
Whispers...fairly shouting in my mind.

Tangled webs of loneliness
strewn amongst
the ruins of denial in all its righteousness.

Confusing empathy with angry jests...
Acceptance...still a word upon a page,
Actions born of anger been displaced.

How well I understand your rage...
how well I recognize your pain...

Oh....if you could only see...
Beyond illusion
beyond ignorance and apathy

Through the mirror of me...

Do you like what you see?
Do you recognize me?

By Cheryl Klassen