if home
is where
your heart is
then i might
just say
i'm homeless

I miss the sudden ache
of a heartbreak,
the stabbing, painful wound
that throbs in your chest
and haunts your waking hour.
It consumes your thought,
your step,
your breath.

But deeper is the pain
of the quiet crack -
The slow tearing of sinews
between heartbeat and harbor.
The passive, dull ache
that lies dormant in your ribs,
it lets you forget.

And even worse,
it lets you remember.

The rising water splashes.
      It covers my knees
elbows, tired skin;
     it takes the weight

as i float in the heat
    and my own filth
and these stark white
    walls engulf me.

But no one stays
   as the water drains,
as the weight comes back
   pound by pound

Inch by inch
    you remember how
heavy your mind
    and your bones can be
as you’re slowly pinned
     to the floor.

An empty frame hurled against the barren wall
        (its contents stowed safely in the trash)
shatters, sending shards deep into the faded carpet.

A victim of the circumstance, the dog
limps across the kitchen floor,
trailing blood from it’s paw in small puddles
on the bright linoleum tile.

Red blood runs thick, runs fast –
and it occurs to me that, of all the pain
tears should run red, too.

the a/c broke
     up the words i tried to spit
out of my mouth and into your ears
     through nervous glances
and feigned smiles, you were
     saved by my lack of oxygen
and the sound of me choking
     on my own stupidity
as i swallow
     and keep my mouth shut.

still it simmers
     in the dark folds of my stomach
burns the lining of my throat
     aches in my hollow lungs
faint, flickering pleas of escape
     and water.
dam up these ducts, no tears
     today.

nothing let out but the chill
    of the facade
your oblivion
    and the haunting still of what
i meant to say

i lost myself in the recesses
of your ribcage and the dark pulses of
my blood (which flows safe and thick
in your veins) and each beat of
your heart (for mine has none without
the constant drum of yours)

i have no sight without your eyes
nor breath without your lungs (for sweet
is air when breathed for two) still
                                                         i fear not
for all thought lost in the shine of your eyes
(which rivals glow of moon and stars
and blazes brighter lighthouse calling home)

and safe will i forever be
if my hands yours
and your step my step
all lost, not lost
in the warmth of your heart
holding mine.

The world curves around me,
spinning on its axis;
oblivious to the colors that
fade and change and fade again.
Light pours out-
an attempt to envelope the shadows,
but the shadows always win.
Always hide in the bark on the trees,
and between the blades of grass beneath my feet
waiting, patiently, for the chance to escape -
to shield the earth from the glow
of the stars and the moon.
In my solidarity,
I wait in isolation to be born again,
to resurrect,
to wake from this finite coma,
to learn that it’s all a lie.

Show me the way to redemption;
free my soul from the demons that live
(the darkness that hides) in the trees
and the grass
and the cracks of my ribcage.
Patient and waiting,
ravenous.