The open casket sang --
what force an oak elicits
encasing a body

My mother's soul: demonic voices. Shizophrenic whispers twined together...
A clump of burning sage billowing serpentine smoke into the still air.
What is she? A creature of regret,
Pathetically keening for pity to cater to a hollow heart,
and an empty stomach.
My shoulders wither, weeping willow'd, beneath her red-nosed, tear-glossed stare.
I'm nothing.
Exploited.
Made of love and guilt.
I try to get close to her -
but even touching fingertip to fingertip, there stands between us
a plate of glass.

I was crying alone, all alone on the hill.
The moon was bright and it shining on me.
It grew a face and long flowing hair.
Then a voice said, “Don’t be scared”.

She said, “You’ve got to stop living in fear, young child,
Or you won’t live at all.”
She said, “Come over here, young child, and whisper away your fears”

I said, “My Daddy’s at the window and he’s scaring me.”
I said, “I miss him but don’t let him in”
I said, “Daddy I love you but I do. But I don’t”
“So don’t come in because I know that you won’t”

He said, “I know I failed you, young child,
As a dad, a father.”
He said, “Given another chance, young child,
I’ll love you forever”

I said, “Father’s at the door, but he can’t come in”
I said, “I miss him but don’t let him in”
I said, “Father do you really miss me? Father, do you care?
Father turn around and walk out there.”

They said, “Hey little girl in her bedroom dark.”
They said, “Turn off the candles and blow out the light”
They said, “All you want is the love of your father,
But you don’t. But you do. But you don’t care.”

I said, “Daddy’s standing near but he can’t see me”
I said, “I’m hiding under the table, I can’t breathe”
I said, “Daddy walk away from me one last time.
I want you gone by the end of this line.”

no one is going to look at this piece of paper

and marvel at it because it was touched by me

my signature means nothing now

i can't remember the last time it did



the words are lost, probably within each other again

vowels and letters and sounds melted

together

oh, and the meaning

yes, must have forgotten about the meaning

must have forgotten how it felt



please remember, when the sun set

on the open field, i fell to my knees

and the colors of the sky lit up my face

( i was beautiful then)

and i cried with you

for the last time



how did i get lost within you?

and more importantly,

why did you let the words lose their meaning?



ask who gives them meaning

and cry with me again.