i'm glad that isn't me
same town forever
beginning a family so young
starting a life that changes everything
before that
we had hopes & dreams & goals
we had similar taste in music and shared a sense of humorit’s only funny now because
you were always my best friend
now you will start this new life
share your hopes & dreams & goals with someone else
make sarcastic jokes when you are stressed
and reminisce about high school
when those songs come on the radio
but yes
i'm glad that isn't me

the two of us
standing in a parking lot
or as you would call it,
a car park.
standing under the stars and the moon
together we confess our feelings
hugging for warmth and companion
who knew
i would be
falling
in love
in a car park

i can feel
it
sinking in
the dark cloud overhead
that rains down on me
with negativity
it comes with
thunder & lightening
it feels like a weight
that is holding me down

i am sinking
there is no lifeboat
no one to hold onto
it is me against water
how do i change
the course of what happens next
to rise
instead
of sink

my childhood memories
are like magnetic poetry
a simple word
can stand on its own
and spark a multitude of scenarios
a string of words
can un-pause a clip
from a home video
but you are
a jumble of words
that make no sense
the pieces can be rearranged
hundreds of times
and i will still be left
to piece it together
one by one
day by day
until i can forgive you
for turning my childhood memories
into broken pieces
and thank myself
for turning them
into poetry

i dream of a home
all for myself
it has the standing kitchen aid mixer
in turquoise that i’ve dreamed of
since i was a little girl
in the back
there is a garden
where i can
turn my thumb green
and grow the ingredients
to nourish my body
to nourish this earth
to nourish my soul
i use a record player
to play vinyl
and cleanse myself
because
every day is full of new surprises
and my green thumb
helps me
create my own destiny

i’m not going to apologize
for the things i’ve said
however
i will apologize
for the way those words
cut like a knife and
became misconstrued
i refuse to apologize
for my anxiety

you are comfortable
and irritating
you stay constant in my mind
when i know there are more
important people to think about
but do you think of me?
how do you see me inside of your mind?
i want to move on
i know there are greater forms of love
but you occupy space and
i cannot convince myself to
get rid of you
just
yet

the perfect pace
is fast enough to grow
but slow enough to reflect
on the growing i didn’t
know i needed.
looking back
on the times i once
thought
didn’t affect me,
now i know,
that the perfect place
allows me to move
at the pace i needed;
push me further,
and reel me in
when i get too ahead
of myself.

if kissing you is lemonade
may there be the perfect amount of sweetness
may our love always be sweet
never sour

what sparks these thoughts & what allows them to tear me down

another month has gone by
the leaves are beginning to fall
the tides and the moon have called
for another cycle
where my body sheds its own layers
and i become
renewed
now a new month is beginning
the leaves will continue to fall
and my body will build another layer
that will soon shed again in the months to come
it’s an ongoing cycle of
pushing and pulling,
rising and falling,
loving and despising.
in the end
we are all skin and bone,
stardust and soil.
there is not enough tea in the world
to fill a cup of sorrow
so from now on
i will continue to shed my layers
and let the moon control my cycle
because in the end
i am a miracle

permanently adding to my body
illustrations that bring me joy
an outward expression of
the beauty i see in the world

what if
everything works out
the way
it is supposed to

i am done waiting
for the next thing to happen
i want the now
this moment
i want to know
what it is
everyone
is waiting for

you say that our communication doesn't feel intimate
the only other option
is one that involves no communication
which would feel worse than ending it all together
and that's where we stood
on opposite ends of a cliff
waiting for the other to say the words
that will set us free

it doesn't matter which one of us said the words
we both knew what was happening
and although i am free
i still feel shackled to your love
it is the only love i have ever known
and for the better part of a year i never thought of being with anyone else
so what do i do now

you
are the song
that i want to
play on repeat
to distract myself
from the world
that i currently reside in
i want to transform
into your song
and let the melody
take me away

it is safe here
inside your song
the chorus repeats
and i find comfort
in the repetition

to the person that stays by my side
who knows me inside and out
witnessed me at my lowest
and offered me a helping hand
in order to stand back up
you inspire me
thank you
for finding me