i wish i could read your mind
but that would be an abuse of trust
so i must believe
that you trust me too
and will share when you are ready

there is a pill
that
brings sleep to my eyes
when i awake
the anxiety is gone
but
the thing that made me anxious
is still there
it just cant get below my skin
anymore

since i’ve been back
i have been writing less
i have been enjoying my experiences-
enjoying every day,
enjoying the company
this place brings me peace
and love
since i’ve been back
i have been loving myself more
and
i have been writing less

you say that our communication doesn't feel intimate
the only other option
is one that involves no communication
which would feel worse than ending it all together
and that's where we stood
on opposite ends of a cliff
waiting for the other to say the words
that will set us free

it doesn't matter which one of us said the words
we both knew what was happening
and although i am free
i still feel shackled to your love
it is the only love i have ever known
and for the better part of a year i never thought of being with anyone else
so what do i do now

last night
you tried to get under my skin again
pushing,
pulling,
poking,
prodding at me
but
last night
i did not let you through
instead
i acknowledged your existence
and did my best to carry on

i can feel
it
sinking in
the dark cloud overhead
that rains down on me
with negativity
it comes with
thunder & lightening
it feels like a weight
that is holding me down

you always thank me

for being nice to you

but the earth does not thank the sun

for illuminating the sky

you are the mosquito
that bites
you are the mosquito
that remains unseen
you are the mosquito
and leaves me with
itches & irritation
you are the mosquito
that flies away
when you have finished
taking my blood
taking what you want

your arms
were wrapped around me
like the sun envelopes the day
with warmth and light
when i told you how happy i was
you replied,
"you deserve all of the happiness"
do you know
that i am the happiest
when i am enveloped in the warmth and light
that is your love

if our love was a radio
there would be static
we are out of range
your station is playing songs of joy
my station is playing songs of countless emotions

above the clouds
looking down
have you ever seen such a beautiful sight?

i have learned how to tell how much time has passed
by the
temperature of the bath water
the number of pages i've read
the melted wax in the candle

i listened to your voicemail
i replayed it when you said
"i love you"
i felt you with me in that moment
even though
we are hundreds of miles apart

i cry because i miss him
thankfully
they are tears of joy
because
being in love is such a beautiful thing