charmaine

charmaine May 2013

You're doing it again

Am i invisible?
do i make you sick?
why do you ignore me
after all i do is for you.

I know i don't have the best
attitude,
but i try my hardest
and each time
I struggle.

struggle for a glance,
maybe a thank you
or a* hello.

why is it
i do so much for others
and gain less than an ant.

try and try again
i *fail.

fail at opening my mouth
fail at feelings.

what can i succeed at
other than failure?

charmaine May 2013

Cracks

I feel stronger than i did last week
even though my body feels broken.

My heart is beating slower than usual
but i can keep running faster than
rain can fall from the clouds.

My eyes can't see as sharp as they used too
but everytime i see your face
it's clearer than the skies on a spring day.

My legs seem to drag each step i take
but when you start to walk towards me
I lift each leg as though it doesn't hurt.

My arms can't lift groceries anymore
but when you wrap your arms around me
they fall unto you without any struggle.

My past is scars inside and out
but when you're around
it doesn't exist.

The scars i see
every morning i wake up
and every night i sleep
with them caressing me.

Never forgotten shall they be.

Replaced with your face
every morning i awake
and every night i sleep with you
caressing me.

Never forgotten shall you be.

charmaine May 2013

scratchmeout

Of course I knew it
Choose the greatness over the slightly good,
I’m not jealous oh no.
Just hurt
That we’re categorized and placed in boxes of good, bad,
And worse.
When you hurt us,
We can’t have a voice,
But if someone was to look at the world from their own perspective not yours,
Everyone’s against you and you need a pity party
I can no longer pity your *******
I can no longer take your lies
say one thing do the next
maybe if you stuck to your word
People wouldn’t take advantage of you
And you wouldn’t feel like **** all the time
I can’t keep sticking up for you and your mistakes
I feel crossed out already
Stepped over
I may be the youngest
But I’m still here
I may be overlooked
But others look up to me
I may never gain your respect
But I respect myself
I don’t need you anymore
I’ve grown out of my shell
And I’ve become the woman
I’ve wanted to be
A woman who in some ways
is better than you.

charmaine May 2013

OrangeJuice.

I treasure the little things
Things others seem to
Overlook
I never realized how much i have taken them for granted and how
Delicate and
Fragile they are
Until they are no longer there.

charmaine May 2013

About Her.

im so sick of this

wanting to improve on my happiness

to have it shut down

and called stupid.

it hurts so bad

when the person

you trust won’t even

let you be happy.

the person you spend

your whole life with

looks at you differently

calls you names

won’t understand

their brain forever

close-minded

explaining over and over

it won’t get through

i want to end it

cut it off

but something keeps stopping me

what’s stopping me?

who’s stopping me?

charmaine May 2013

Fire

He seems to take my hurt
my tears
my mistakes.
Use them with his tongue
say failure without a slight change
in his voice
his posture.
I feel smaller than krill
in his vast ocean,
in the dark he keeps me
from reaching the light
from being me.
I've lost the smile in my eyes
months of crying have darken them.
Secretly i wish he would go away
but how would i exist if he was gone.
I hate him but i am desperately
horribly, sickening in love
with him.
I doubt he knows this
for i keep everything in.
A big ship of secrets that he knows
while inside a trap door are more.
He promised to leave me if i said more
than the ones he knows.
So I'm keeping them hidden
until he goes away
But how can i exist
if he was to go away.

charmaine May 2013

mermaid

cranium feels like eggs
scrambling around the tears
and anger.

why does it do this?
beating the cranium
as it beats back.

questioning,crying
starving,laughing,
screaming,dying.

am i caged in?
can i not control myself?
will i lose it?

run by big hands and
little voices
it reminds me of the past
doubting the future

i panic and try to breathe
i struggle.

i'm drowning on land
choking on air.

am i losing my mind?
am i slowly on the way
to frequent pills?

will i lose the little
hands and big voices
that control me?

— The End —