Dimwitted cloves squashed before they developed four leaves.
Other foliage in the family constantly grieves.
Devoured and left sore
By a local herbivore

Cattle herded for the purpose of prolonged life
No more slaughtered at the point of a knife.
Living free in grassless fields
Farmland now hardly yields

Dietary concerns carefully balanced,
Finding you’re nutritionally challenged
Told its time to drop the meat
And pick up a steak made of beet.

He called her a **** at dinner
Told she could be thinner
Played the part of being an ***
Voicing opinions deemed crass

A waiter wandered up
Refilling a cup
Gave the girl a wink
But was more of a sporadic blink

Her date stood tall
And turned his fist into a ball
Told the waiter to **** right off
A comment muddled by a cough

Then, in an act of violence
Came a brief respite of silence
The waiter was struck in the jaw
Knocked on the floor captured in awe.

He was then beaten ‘til dead
Over inferences read
The woman screamed
At her date, the blood coated fiend

Police were brought in
The man simply grinned
Cuffs were attached
As the man’s might was matched

A month later
Due to the dead waiter
The man had his day in court
A bailiff acted as his escort

The man was sentenced to 15 years
The woman, in attendance, shed no tears
The man was taken
He appeared visibly shaken

Taken to a cell at Briar Field
A place all go to yield
He was beaten for days on end
By prisoners looking for time to spend

Searching for a sense of hope
Utilized in avoiding a knotted rope
The man found a friend
With a helping hand to lend

Then one day talking wasn’t enough
The man’s friend got rough
After a quick stich
The man was anointed a *****

Sitting for dinner he was called a ****
By his friend, who had become quite blunt
A guard came by and batted and eye
The friend asked if he wanted to die

Said this man was his slave
A poor ****-******* knave
The guard retreated
Victory conceited

But the friend pressed on
Until the guards life was gone
Then walked back after the stunt
And called the man a fat old ****

Mother superior had dropped the gun,
Seeing the victim was her very own son.
There a saint was made to run
Drowned before the rising sun.

Messiah born on the first day of June,
Posing as a religious boon.
Preaching that the end is soon,
All in a tone resembling Sinatra’s croon.

Superiority held in the form of prayer,
Faith maintained at the behest of a dare.
Professor Lodz has lost his bear.
The Omega deemed this loss as fair.

Tammuz is smoking all the vegetation
Asherah has stopped all gestation,
Coming from a fit of *******,
Working on a new form of taxation.

Jesus just took one huge dumb,
In the sink after snorting a quick bump.
The man had reached quite the slump.
Catching HPV from Fergies’s ****.

Mohammad is eating all the pork.
Using hands, forgetting the fork.
******* chicks, with all kinds of torque,
Misinterpreting the path of a wayward stork.

Dinning on delicious swine.
And the finest forms of delicate wine.
Prophets of the world align.
And drink from the deceased Christopher Reeve’s spine.

Crows swarmed over Bourbon Street tonight.
Blotting out the moon through synchronized flight.
They plummeted down and out of sight.
Blanketed by the cover of night.

A jewelry box gets picked clean.
It belonged to a formerly wealthy teen.

A town terrorized by birds.
They’re all at a loss for words.

Within a week, every household had been robbed.
Mementos lost: people sobbed.
Woeful over trinkets taken.
Believing their eyes to be mistaken.

Men ran at the birds with loaded guns.
As the flock attacked, they got the runs.

Not before pushing them across state lines.
Where they **** upon passing signs.

Down a road long and winding
They plucked up everything shinning.

Forced back to the home they knew.
Housing everything that belonged to you.
The birds held for their final stand.
Exactly as their master planned.

Dive bomb from the sky.
Pluck out a wayward eye.

The force of an army had been pushed back.
All remaining birds formed a pack.
Flew home to their pied piper.
A man who was a retired army ******.

His lair was filled with gold and jewels.
Packed into sacks on dehydrated mules.

With everything stored.
The man stood before the hoard.

He spoke a few kind words.
To the flock of birds.
Then set fire to the room.
Culminating in a nitrogen…boom.

With no evidence in sight,
Or witnesses accounting for the plight.
The man moved on without a fight.
Staring at his earnings in a new days light.

Billy wore his shirt too long.
And was told by most that the thing smelt wrong.
Years went by without a clue,
For the facts that others knew.
One day, while dropping the Huxtables off at the pool.
The boy realized the back of his shirt was covered in stool.
Turns out the fabric kept getting entangled.
Leaving the shirt toxically mangled.
He’d gotten caught up in the t.p.
Leaving streaks for all to see.
Billy wore his shirt too long.
Leaving poo smears from wiping wrong.

Is this the time I'm supposed to be rude?
Offer up some comment, intentionally lewd.
Make her feel like a common ****.
One who takes three ***** in the ****.
Grab her wrists as a substitute for hair.
Passover the idea of a longing stare.
Acting forcefully for the sake of pride.
Insert fingers with a quick little slide.
Watch her squirm in conflicted delight.
As she gazes with a hazel reflected spite.
...Nope, doesn't sound like my idea of simplicity.
Suppose I'll hold onto this downtrodden virginity.

They ****** incessantly in bathroom stalls.
Reeking heavily of forgotten Paul Mauls.
One day they both caught *****.
From one of the porcelain slabs.
Or so both believed.
Making them relieved.
Since there was no extracurricular fun.
Committed on either one.
Problem was, they both were wrong.
Each had been a ******* for far too long.