In searching for myself
I try your catch phrases on for size
And realize
That the sleeves are too long
For reaching into the past
Stretches your spine
And holding on tightly
Catches cobwebs till they're gray
But enough
I cast you off like so many
Useless drops of rain on my awning
For they just dont fit in
And they kiss the ground instead
The bone gardens
And empty vessels
Laughing and nodding as if I understand
The smile, if you look close enough
Is gritted like traps of rodents
Biting back the "I'm not with you anymore.."
As words without a voice

I don’t want to write poetry
I want to bottle the essence of
The vast inner-workings of the universe
And give it to you for free
I don’t charge money for my philosophy
I couldn’t be pushed to look at you
Unless it was deep in your eyes
And swallowing the words you speak
Digesting their meanings and subtle
Ironies
The inconsistencies of your desires and your actions
Are like diamond dust on my tongue
Tears upon realizing your forgotten pain
Fermenting and sloshing around in that
Hidden belly of depth
The intense turmoil, the rapturous escape
Blend them on slow so that I may see
Your blues and reds trace fingerprints of
Purple across the glass
Oh and the times where you forgot
Something important,
And your heart skips a beat and your hair stands
A little
Your face flushes, oh the pinks
And once you find it,
In my arms
I was waiting the whole time
Impatiently at moments
But all the while,
I just longed to drink up your sighs of relief
Your giddy smiles piling joy after joy within me
And those moments where you are about to fall asleep
And you **** awake suddenly,
Your eyes, still distant and dreamy
And the slow release as you lay back down
On my chest
And I don’t care that my arm went numb 15 minutes ago
As long as I don’t disturb you
The things I do for love
Or more like..
The things I do because I love

But I’m still here
No doubt, lonely and without
Any proper ventilation
For my soul is gaseous and restless
My thoughts are emaciated and
And my feelings are callused and unbending
I sometimes, don’t feel anything any more
And that is what I fear,
That I may shrivel, haven’t created even a fraction
Of this dream
This highly unrealistic yet truthful dream in which
Some form of power, even in fibers and threads
Pulls my chin up to gaze in wonder

The keys, that
Dribbling waxy fingers
Turn, their gritted smiles splice
As peppered silence
Slices through the hours,
Sinking sunlight strikes
Another ashen pair
Of eyes, closed harder
Than doors on tipsy tongues,
Painted lips
Peeling cracked whispers,
Since open woos,
Seethe rapturously
Throughout the widowed house,
Her violent shudders
Rake my ears
And aching for clenched nails
I turn
The keys, the
Greasy lock
Is deep, yet her eyes are deeper,
Hallowing my gaze
And spitting back swallowed wishes,
Sweetening flusters that tease
Wildly she smiles,
And snatched by the hook
Writhing upwards we arch,
Toes curled and eyes squinting
As the door burst open
And the light fluttered in.

They can ensnare your very sickly self
And feed it nectar of paramount quality
Oh you, so hopelessly caught
Betwixt each dark and dreary thought
I feel for you
For the single mothers who *******
At night once their spawn have tucked their eyes
Oh let me do it for you
Let me wash your feet and
Pluck your eyebrows
And sew new soles to your shoes
Oh poor man without a home to spend his time
Finding comfort in grinding jaws
I will wash your face and
Bleach your smiles till they shine
New reflections
Oh lonely young adults
Who feel as though their
Thoughts grow from the walls
To strangle them
Let me help you free yourself
I will pour paint thinner down your body
And dissolve those tattoos of your past
And drain your eyes
So the ducts may breathe again
And for the superstitious about
With mouths caked with dry old fears
Unspoken,
Unshared,
Let me soothe your hair
As you lay it down on my shoulder
Let me stroke your sides
And whisper with soft consonants in your ear

Stroke with burning smoothness,
oh river of unspoken gazes
setting fire upon my eyes.
You simply cascade over me,
(perpetual refreshing slithers)
dripping silently
echoing deeply,
washing the walls of the
dark and trembling
cavern, sliced by ancient memories
fading with the cries of
silent trickling thoughts,
spilling gently at first
but with growing excitement,
splash restlessly and
the haunting agonies that
bite our tongues, hushing to
barely a whisper,
these are the words that
swam in my mind as you
passed with a piercing glance
that unraveled me.

A blank page is
disturbed by the
gentle pressing of
a slippery, hard
projection of
ebony salivating needles,
unstitching the
molasses fibers of such
a grief stricken rag doll,
collecting dust in the corner,
eyes crafted in the heart of
a million years worth of
rivers slicing pen lines
across the face of the earth,
crumbling each sheet of
plastered chrysalis streamers
exposing the unwritten words
beneath

There are times where I don't have to
carefully construct metaphorical honey glaze
I can just slide my mottled skin from out
of this tagged and tattered shell
and say, "I'm just as thirsty as any of you"
These strange dichotomies, of shyness and openness
hatred of self, and longing to lift the self up to heights
craving peace, yet seeking disorder
If my cells could vote
there would be a recount
and then another
and another
another
perpetually cyclical self-realization.
Such a frustrating way to absorb you,
through the intuitive tunnels
clogged with judgmental plaque
and grimy windows
that only allow flushes of dusty yellow
to emit.
Loneliness bites, yet I seek the wisdom
only blessed by meditation
and introspective psychedelic meanderings.
Lovers split your ribs, yet my eyes quest
endlessly for you.
These strange dichotomies,
pepper and salt my atrophic throat
until I entertain a curious gaze instead.