Speak
In the midst of the voices
And a myriad of choices
Bring Your clarity
Teach
In the midst of the know it alls
And the fears of too many falls
Bring Your sanity

I'm older,
I'm tired, and it shows.
I'm slighty cynical, very sensitive, questioning everything I've ever done
A midlife crisis, you could suppose.

In a week of 7 days
Somehow I muster strength for a few good things
I'm still a dreamer (and I'm not the only one)
But disappointment, no answers, bad experiences sting

And yet I don"t want to change
I miss the peace and purity of heart
But not the naivety and being played and endless trying
I like that I'm more street smart

So I am stuck, not better sometimes bitter
not here neither there
I think I've moved on, only to find I'm back at square one
Sometimes gasping for air

At times even this glass half empty is glass half full
I believe everyone comes to a standstill
I believe it's utterly necessary to go back to the drawingboard
To get wisdom, capacity and to be filled.

I'm older,
I'm tired, and it shows.
However, with God this may be a new beginning.
Who knows?

In the train
on my way
to another day
Another place
But now it's time
To get to a different space
If I can do it
Here below the Montana skies
Between you and I
But sometimes I am feeling
A little lost
A little unable
To make the connection
Or maybe even the desire
Or maybe my heart has grown cold
Cold like the snow
still clinging to the grassy horizons
Maybe I need you to warm me again
Woo me again
But wondering if my heart will receive it.
Sometimes I can step in a space
And sing of your grace
But it seems like when I lost everybody
I also lost you.

#chandredewet
#journeythoughts
#amtrakempirebuilder
#6March­2017

Am I a friend or an entertainer
Are you my friend or my fan
When the show is over do you go home
Or do you stand by my side
I cannot dance and laugh and fill your cups
And turn around and find my home's empty
While I never did it for reward
I am a friend and not an actress
I need friends not fans
When the show is over
I am not okay with standing alone anymore
At least Hollywood pays you dollars
And while I am hurt, I have not entirely given up
but it's not up to me anymore
Maybe one day you'll know...

-chandre de wet 02/06/2016

I press into you,
You press into me
Discernment is heightened
All muck is revealed.

The world is insensitive.
or if I euphamize it, street smart.
things outside seem volatile
far from the peace in my heart

Yet as I respond to your beckoning
you trully are my safe place
For this grace I am grateful
Now allow myself in your embrace

there is pain in my heart
the I plaster
there is shame in my soul
that screams disaster
there is doubt in my mind
there is fear in my thoughts
Still the still small voice whispers to me:

You're not alone
my beautiful child
You're not alone
You're the one that I love
You're my treasure
I'll seek you till I find
You're not alone
I'm Emmanuel

I am learning to trust
though its frightening
I am learning to share
things I'm hiding
I am letting me go
I am loving though it costs
While still hearing his voice sing over me:

this season

i dont know
i dont know where to go
i dont know how to fix things
i dont know all the answers
i dont know how to make it
i dont know, I dont know

what i've seen
is when i give up
he can work and move

so even in my i don't knows
i'm giving up
God work and move
God keep the pieces of my heart together
And heal me once again

God help me in my relationship with others
Help them in their relationship with me
But mostly God,hold me.
So that I can be ok, even when I don't know.

The face of South Africa
is a multicoloured face
hair of various ethnicities
eyes from blue to black
many languages,dialects and slang
customs and culture a kaleidoscope

What is a South African?
Can one really define?
Except by the beat in the heart
of the one birthed in this nation
or adopted this as home

White, Black,Coloured, Indian, Chinese...
the list goes on and on...

I am a South African

As I listen once again
I'm wondering if you could hold me
Can I rest my head on Your shoulder
knowing you or I'll never leave

Can You hold my heart inside your hands
I'm afraid I'd let it go
This relationship's so precious
I cannot afford to take any risks

You're the only one who knows me
You know me better than myself
Will You show me how to love You more
Show me how to bless Your heart

I'm standing here with outstretched arms
Praying you'll reach down
I cannot without You Lord
I'm clumsy with my heart

I will praise You for all that You are
For You are more than everything
I will praise You regardless of what I feel
For this is bigger than emotions
I will praise You no matter who’s watching
For You are my song, and can’t be quieted
I will praise You for all of my days
For my day,my years,my life belongs to You
I will praise You early in the morning
For You have given me a brand new hope
I will praise You in the darkest of nights
For Your light will never be overshadowed
I will praise You when my heart is broken
For You are the healer of wounds
I will praise You when I reach higher heights
For without You I am lower than low
I will praise You for every good thing
For that simply means that it came from You
I will praise You for every grieving trial
For if I made it through it only means I’m stronger
I will praise You for every good friend in my life
For it only means for each friend put in my life,You have thought of me
I will praise You for my family
For You love me enough, not to leave me alone
I will praise you for every smile and laugh that comes from my lips
For it is only the joy of Your Salvation that makes me happy
I will praise You for every tear, and broken heart
For it is then that I feel Your comfort the most
I will praise You for my every breath
For it means that You have a purpose and hope for me
I will praise You even in my death
For it means at last I can be with you

I will praise You no matter what.
For You are everything,
My life, my being, my comfort, my strength, my love…
My God.

Oh Island,
Why do you hide
When you were made to shine
Why do you shun
Does your mirror lie?
Or is it my eyes?
Are you looking beyond
or do you look behind?

Oh Island,
Please won't you reveal
the hidden strengths
eternally seen
Unmask this warrior
Only show truth
Does painted glass speak
What the mind has chosen to deny?

Oh heart
Why do you fear?
Bravery and courage your destiny
You were made to lead, made to fight
Why do you begin to race
at the sight of evil
Is it not because you were made to overcome
Don't be afraid!
With love your motive,and destiny your guard
March, knowing the battle's already won
All you need to do is start.

gentleman
i cannot believe nor understand
but just revel in your love
your perfection compared to my frailness
your purity compared to my multicoloured past
I just cant get to grips with it
but i am so blessed, so amazed, so humbled
and though i cannot figure it out
and definitely dont deserve it
I'm letting you define me
I'm letting you rewrite me
I'm letting you determine the steps

safe
in your arms
secure
in your presence
accepted in you
why do i search elsewhere
there's only one perfect gentleman
and I'm so grateful that you have chosen me
that you have graced me with your presence
that you've picked my heart for your love

may i never stop walking beside you
may i never let go of your hand
may i never stop looking into your eyes to define me
you are perfect, i am not
i can't see the way you see
i dont know the way to go
all i know is you've chosen me as your lady
and you are my perfect
gentleman

i end this poem saying
here am i
have my whole heart
my mind, my soul
define me, redefine
lover of my soul
i will never be what you are to me
but fortunately i have an eternity to try
love you gentleman
of my heart

completely drunk, drunk completely
com drunk pletely
ob liv ious
the buzz the numbness,
occasionally REALITY (I love you honey!)
bursting IN (Come here Sweetie Pie)
as I float
com Pletey Ob livious to
the Ruth, Truth, Tooth
did I say that Already?
My life, HELLO? My sweety pie is grown?
Swallowing this truth,
I reach instead for another sip
This freedom I think I feel, I float, enjoy
Completely, pletely? Unaware,
of The dungeon I am in.

I had finally found love, my love had finally found me
We were perfect together, thought we'd stay so forever
But then I had to go, Oh why did I not know
That a simple mistake, would cause a permanent heartbreak

It's all my fault, I shouldn't have been so confused
I should have kept my heart true, but my colours shone through
and what we had was lost forever...

Chorus

Do you know how it feels, to hurt the one you love
Do you know how it feels to lose the one you hurt
Do you know how it feels to love the one you lost
And if only they'd come back , if only
You'd show them you have changed, if only
And if things were back the same, if only
If only they'd come back to you

Everytime I look your way, it reminds me of the day
We had first been together, our first kiss of ever
But oh, how things have changed, I'm not the one who you embrace
I'm not your thoughts when evening starts, I'm the one who broke your heart

It's all my fault, I shouldn't have been so twofaced confused
I should have kept my heart true, but my colours shone through
and what we had was lost forever...

Sometimes just life itself’s a challenge
without being watched.
Sometimes just getting up in the morning’s
a battle to be won.
Sometimes faithful prayers seem faithless
and cries don’t reach the roof.
Sometimes I feel so far away
when my whole being longs for You.

Yet,Sometimes when everything’s so confusing
I know that You’re the truth.
And when everyone’s deserted me
I know that I’ll find You.
And when I’m running scared and lonely
Your love will shelter me.
When I’m feeling hurt and broken
I’ll find peace beneath Your wings.

Chorus:
Through all the shattered pieces of my heart
His love remains constant
Through all the hurt we cause,impose
His love remains constant
In our lowest moments,deepest mistakes
His love remains constant
Rollercoaster lives, Changing, Falling
He remains constant,
So constant

Cause when everything we see is falling
We’re to look beyond the seen.
Cause when everything seems huge and frightening
We’re to look within.
Cause when the grey clouds bring the storms and rain
The Sun still shines above.
When we’ve reached the bottom of this pit
His heart still burns with love.
Cause God is who He says He is,
Not a man that He should lie
And when man would push and shove to live
He would rather die.
Through lies deceit people with two faces
He remains the same
The sinner, the broken, the quitter,the lost
His ageless,constant aim

Never changing hope, never fading truth, endless love
You remain constant… so constant
My only hope, the truth, my love
You remain constant… so constant

I hope my life speaks
I hope it gives you a different ending
A different picture
To the one you see

I hope that you see the colour
Even just a glimpse of hope
I hope you will hold on
I hope you know you’ll make it
I did

I hope you’ll let go of the hurt
Let go of the reasons and reasonings
I hope that you’ll know you not alone

I hope you find an ounce of strength
I hope you’ll reach out
I hope you don’t believe the lie
That it’s not worth it

You are more than worth it
You are precious beyond what you can see
You are loved beyond measure
I hope you can see the glimmer of light
Even though ur world is dark
I hope you’ll feel the bit of sun
Even as you drenched in rain

Don’t give up, it’s not worth it
You are more than worth it
I made it and I will not give up on you making it
You can dream
You can hope
You will make it

running, running
closed doors
where to now
searching for a way some how

give me answers,
don't know how
or what or where or when
but hope that somehow
somebody, help me please?
can't you see I'm incomplete

looking, knocking
should i be copying
ratrace or embrace
discipline or a waste?

could it be
you just want me
to give up
shut up
look up
get up

or down on my knees
saying Jesus please
no one else can appease
or set my spirit at ease

I give this situation to you
only your hands can hold it
only you can shape it, make it into what you desire

i am merely clay
surrendering this day
wishing the old flesh away
Lord come and make me ok
or at least the way
i should be

I give up
and I give you all that I am

take me and teach me
and lead me into your way everlasting

Stripped of all my former glory
every adornment, achievement on the floor
exposed to the elements, bared to the storms
the wind threatening to remove my last source
till nothing remains but bark and twiggs and branches
but rooted deep, receiving from unseen waters
nothing on the outside, yet anchored on the inside
seemingly no hope, yet new life just a season away...
And even in the midst of winter
Birds still chirping on my arms, People still finding peace and shade in my limited stature...
Maybe winter isn't so bad after all...
Maybe winter strips us of all that is us, till our only hope is the water from within...
And maybe even with all the tears, and exposure, coldness and death, those who embrace and hold on
are allowing for a harvest of new life...
A seed has to die for new life to begin.
We remain oaks of righteousness in summer or winter because our righteousness stems from our depth in God...
This is only visible in winter.
Why does the oak remain?, even after rain, wind, storms, losing their leaves...
Because all along the strength of the oak was not the bright sunshine or the colourful spring, but the life within, the deep, inner, hidden, source...
The living water of John 4...
Our Christ within, the hope of Glory

better than yesterday
better

not farther than yesterday
not nearer to tomorrow
but better

not closer to answers
not far from the pain
but better

still dont know how the story ends
still trying to make ends meet
still picking up the broken pieces
still trying to hope again

but better than yesterday
better than before
better must count for something
better the beginning of hope

better than yesterday
better

Deeper than deep
Never let me go
When my world crashes down
And the storm winds blow

When I’ve cried my last tear
And I’ve lost my last will
Deeper than Deep
Remain with me still