Today someone asked me
"Do you consider yourself to be a happy person?"
I told them yes
But the answer is no
Before you
I was so positive and I had a smile plastered to my face
During you
I've never felt more alive and so content
After you
I turned into this self-loathing excuse for a girl
who once had eyes that shined so bright
I turned dull and lifeless
and sad
and not happy
And I don't want to be that person anymore
I want to be the me I was before you
The version of myself that I loved the most
That you loved the most
And not because I want you back
But because I want myself back
You are nothing
Nothing but a memory
Like an old book lying dusty on a shelf
And I am something
Something worth it
For someone who can see that
I don't hold anything against you
In fact
I love you
And I will always love you
But I will never be in love with you again
Because I am better than this
I am better than what I put myself through
I am better than my scar scattered thighs
I am better than the pages of hatred I wrote about myself
I am better than you
But she is better for you
And I wish you all the happiness in the world
I let go of you a long time ago
But I never stopped blaming myself
Until now
And maybe toward the end I was ******* crazy
But I guess love makes you do ******* crazy things
And someday
Someone will love that about me
It wasn't you.
It was never you.
That's okay.
I'm okay.
And I'm about to be a lot better.
So ******* world
**** the people who put me down
**** myself for putting me down
And ******* for not seeing what you're missing
Because I'm something worth missing
I'm worth it.
I am.
I.R.G
eat your heart out.