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 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
The day is coming.
It will be here before I know it.
It will be a Sunday morning.
I will curl my hair pretty and gloss my lips an innocent shade of pink.
I will put on a nice dress, nice shoes, and a nice necklace.
I will look so nice.
Much nicer than I usually look Sunday mornings.
I will disguise my hangover with the sent of lavender oil,
and the blackest coffee known to man.
I will take a look at myself in my bathroom mirror, I mean really
Take a look at myself,
At what the past four years have meant to me, and to my family.
Then I will put on the cap, and frown because no one ever looks pretty in those **** things.
Then I will put on the gown, and feel nervous, excited, ready.
My mom, my dad, my brother,
They will all be there, also looking nice.
And I will go to the stadium, sit in my seat between two strangers who's names also begin with "Kh."
And my heart will pound,
and my palms will sweat,
and my mouth will dry,
and then they will call my name,
and I will stand up and smile, proudly.
And I will be a college graduate,
One of the first in my family.
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
Do you remember me?
The girl that loved you,
once upon a time.

I used to make wishes on
daisy petals for you,
that you would be mine forever.

We used to write notes back and forth
and you'd fold mine into cranes and frogs,
and place them in my locker in between class.

I used to sit next to you, real close, at The Shack
and eat a BLT, and my leg would tap, tap, tap
trying to shake away the nerves.

You used to talk about the galaxy and it's infinity
as we sat in the bed of your old, rusted truck
and the moonlight would dance across the pond and onto our young faces.

I used to whisper to you on the phone,
real late at night when I was supposed to be asleep,
and you would whisper back, even though you didn't have to hush.

We used to talk about years down the road,
about now, and what our lives would be like,
together, for certain.

Do you remember me?
The girl that you loved back,
once upon a time.

Do you remember me?
The girl that you left behind.
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
Six years later, and I'm still here,
tapping on these keys,
sentences of our love story.

And it goes like this:

He was a boy,
And she was a girl,
both with the best of intentions.
He liked her,
And she liked him,
And that was that for a while.
But the girl had another fella,
One that always made her sad,
So to him she said "See ya later."
Now the boy and the girl
they could be together, and it was right,
And they laughed by day, and they kissed at night.
The boy would look into the girl's eyes,
And say, "I love you. You're mine."
So months went by,
But for the boy, his attention span grew short.
He made the girl cry,
He told her he tried, but their love just wasn't for real.
She wondered, what the hell?
Because in love she had fell,
And the boy just said, "I'm sorry."
Now the boy and the girl, were no longer a pair,
They both went their separate ways.
And the girl slit her wrists,
And the boy clenched his fists,
because it was the biggest mistake he made.

And our love story died
A long and slow death.

The boy strung her along,
for far too long.
And more than once,
told her he wanted her back.
And the girl, she believed him,
because she couldn't do anything else,
and the boy, he left her,
again.

And our love story died,
it finally died,
the day you looked into her eyes
and said, "I love you. You're mine."
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
This morning, after he left,
I had a revelation -
Maybe some things are only meant
to happen
once.

Like, that time I was on ESPN at the basketball game.
Or, that time I met my favorite musician and he complimented my shirt.
Also, that time we all swam in the Aegean Sea as as the sun set, and we felt invincible.
I guess even the time that really dreamy boy slept in my bed and we made "love" all night.

So, maybe some things are only meant
to happen
once.
And, maybe realizing it will never happen again is what makes it feel perfect.

But, I wish some things could happen twice.
Or, I wish that I could freeze a fleeting moment,
and appreciate its entirety,
before it is gone.
Before I know its only going to happen
once.
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
I put on a little black dress,
it was short, and my mother would not have approved.
Then I slipped into a pair of five-inch-high Jimmy Choos.
I poked some diamond stud earrings through my ears,
they were the round, pretty ones you gave me for Christmas last year.
I painted my lips dark red and my eyelids shimmery gold,
then I pulled on my black pea coat, and headed out into the cold.
I walked a couple blocks until I reached the bus stop,
wanting to go somewhere new, change my name, and get lost.
Thought if I looked real nice, all elegant and ****,
I could disappear from everything I've been dealing with.
I could start over new, maybe in L.A.,
I could wear that little black dress and it would all be okay.
And as I stood there, under the street lights in the cold,
I stared down at my feet, and let the reality of it unfold.
I could dress myself up, and try to skip out of town,
but that's no way to live, I'd just be wandering around.
The truth of it all, and what I must accept,
is that no one's life is perfect, not even in a little black dress.
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
Z
You passed through this town, and you passed through my bed,
And last night we packed a heavy bowl and let the herb cloud our heads.
We talked about our families, our futures, and fears,
And it was all much easier to spill after knocking back a few beers.
You sat across from me on my bedroom floor,
And we were cross-legged and stary-eyed like we'd been here before.
You played me your favorite band at 2 AM,
And when I woke in the morning, you were still holding my hand.
You smiled at me, "good morning", and kissed me on the lips,
And then you pulled me in real close to you and you wrapped your arms around my hips.
You played with my hair, twirled it between your rough fingers,
And I kissed you on your shoulder and let my lips linger.
We talked some more, and you were kind, and we have the strangest things in common,
And I think we both realized that wasn't a moment that could be forgotten.
Then, we were good with each other when the time came for you to go,
And last night meant a lot to me, I just hope you know.
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
JDK
Going through my very own time portal
Watching my life through my head
And I'm sitting wondering how I got here again

Singing a new song with clicks and clacks
Knowing it will soon get stale
Sipping on my brandy and ginger ale

You might understand a different plight
But this one is all I know
Sometimes I wish I had somewhere else to go

Remedies are all anyone can say
I know that they never help
A person's got to learn to save their own self

And all it takes is some will power
To keep myself away from this
But I can only ever stand to do
Whatever I wish

And all I have is all I've ever had before
Sprawled out on the ceiling of my own room
I think I'll spend tonight on this bathroom floor
Read to the tune of "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
JDK
All I've done is talk trash about you
Ever since I burned your bridge
I'm not sure why I do it,
This constant talking ****.
Perhaps it helps the sadness,
The lingering regrets
Perhaps you feel the same way
Uh huh
Yea right
I bet
You know you really can go **** yourself
You're such a stupid *****
You filthy, *****, ***** ****
Go **** another ****
My friends all laugh and call you names
To join in on the fun
But it really makes me kind of sick
To think of what I've done
I don't really hate you
at least, not down inside
In fact I might still love you . . .
I hope you ******* die
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
JDK
If there was a way to you
You know that I would find it
And I still have a day for you
Where I don't try to hide it

But if those dreams do come true
It won't be as good
No it won't be so good

And if those stars never do pull through
I'll still wish they would
You know,
I really wish they would.
Fantasy > Reality
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
JDK
I Win
 Feb 2013 Chandler Lauren
JDK
Inadvertently avoided through mental thought processes
Subverted into
New shoes in an off white tint
And a new addition to my collection of lint
I'm sick of window tint so dark you can't see inside
I try my best to catch a glimpse of another person's mind
Striving so hard to manifest itself through the body it's been placed in
I step on the gas and pass their *** just so I can think to myself:
I Win.
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