What do you give yourself?  How do you honor yourself?  How do you show diginity and respect for yourself?  If you don't do this or you don't know how to do any of this, make it your top priority to LEARN how.  It is an invaluable skill to learn how to love yourself.  I'm not talking about standing in front of a mirror and saying "I love you" -- that is maybe the first step.  Loving yourself or even thinking postively about yourself is like climbing a slippery mountain where the fall really hurts.  But, when you get down to it and truly care for yourself, above everyone and everthing else, you don't have to climb that mountain of self-love.  You can fly over that mountain.  And on the other side is paradise.  This paradise is all the love and goodness that you crave from others, except this love is unlimited and endless.  It will forever flow into your heart because it's source is you.  You are an evergreen wellspring of unconditional love.  If you really sit down with yourself and be honest and say to yourself, "hey, Self, how do I stop being so mean to you?"  And, "how do I start loving you and treating you with the respect, adoration, and sweetness that I seek from others?"  When you figure that out and become crystal clear about HOW to do this and most importantly, if you're READY to do this -- I mean REALLY READY to do this, then just... do it.

Something very special is happening to the world right now.  I will do my best to describe it.
Not only are we nearing the peak of suffering, darkenss, and evil in the world, we are also
nearing a complete unfolding of the purest, truest, beauty, peace, and love that is greater
than humanity has ever experienced.  This is truely a cathartic time.  Savor it, treasure it, and learn from it.

On a personal level, since January 1st, 2015, I feel like my soul is on the brink of simulatenously bursting with
joy and love as well as sobbing in old hurts.  Sometimes when the pain and love in our hearts reaches a critical
level, a major emotional release is made and that is called a catharsis.  I have been riding along one giant,
prolonged catharsis since Jan 1st.  It is somewhat like a fantastic ****** that never ends.  How bad can that be?

The best part of my life right now is not knowing what will happen next; whom I will meet tomorrow; and what
crazy, amazing situation I will find myself in.  I have this unshakeable and deep feeling that 2015 will be a pivotal
year in my life.  It is like passing through the eye of a needle, and on the other side is the unventured, the unknowable,
the great mystery.  This is both a terror and also completley thrilling.  I sense that 2015 will be a year to remember
for humanity.  Whatever happens, will have some measurable mark on all of us.

So what do I do with this?

Enjoy it. :-)

Things and people who are not linked to their soul's higher will are finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their world of lies, deception, and greed. The old model that is based upon blaming the victim, stealing from the poor, and denying the Truth is starting to crumble.  This was bound to happen eventually because constructs based on darkness and disease can never sustain themselves since they come from a place of lack and fear.  In fear's place a bean sprout of goodness is growing.  We can really hope and see the magic and magnificence of the contructs of love and peace blossoming.  This is a peaceful protest to the old ways.  This sheer goodness is beautiful and it's briliance of goodwill shines upon everything.  You can only deny love and goodness for so long before it encompasses your heart and works to transform you.  Love and light always win anyway. The ability to succumb to the tiny spark of love in our hearts, even if we've detached from our hearts long ago will either make or break us as a species.  Some people walk around with thick shells covering their hearts, but this is only a protection from hurt.  When there becomes enough safety in the world, those shells will come off.  And that will be a glorious day.  Enough people are getting fed up with the current governmental system of control and oppression.  It is a complex game of the people in power exploiting the innocent, as well as the truth-seekers.

Compassion and empathy are tremendous healing forces.  Many of people's problems stem from misunderstandings, assumptions, and judgements.  There are some instances where one is hurt intentionally, but that is when taking a stance of compassion is the most powerful.  In the moment of our greatest pain, lies the most opportunistic moment to have the deepest of empathy.  This is not shifting the responsiblity upon the victim.  No.  This is preventing the extended period of rage and bitterness that usually follows a victimization.  The hardest part about being a victim is the aftermath of the offense.  PTSD is a *****.  If we are able to have compassion for ourselves as well as our assailant in the moment, the easier it is to be free from the suffering that ineviably follows.  This is a skill for masters.  We are all masters.

what's true to us may not be the Truth.  
what's Truth may not appear so.

After all this time, I have learnt to write in the dark. See, this jukebox plays every night and it wouldn’t shut up no matter the pounds I fed. Such is the night of a writer; it goes on shuffle and repeat. And sometimes I hear your voice. Most times, it sounded like folding a picture of us and keeping it in the pockets of a stranger’s jeans, probably ending up tumbled and dried. I ask myself if it could have been a painted canvas. It’s just the thought of you that haunts me at night. If you ever do heart to heart talks, let’s talk about haunted houses. Some people get out of it; some don’t; some re-enter just for the thrill of it. I might be all three and I might not be the most played song in your playlist. I have tried several times to write about you, but none of them sounded right when I read them out loud. Some may write what they believe and some may write to believe; I might or might not be both. If I survived writing this prose, how could I be sure if it was your voice haunting me or if you were just a house I sought refuge in? The Northern Lights stays in the Aurora Zone; no one said that they’d ever Go West. Your skin on mine was like a child holding on to candy, I never wanted to let you go. When I wake, I only wonder if you have ever missed me at 3a.m.. I could make a mixtape titled: I heard you in these songs. But you were one who basked in the light. So I guess it’s safe to say that what was written in the dark stays in the dark.

Intention is the steering wheel
Inspiration is the gas pedal
Truth is the vehicle.

We all have wounds in our hearts that have been stitched up with loose, flaky sutures.  At any given moment, someone may touch your wound and it can open up.

Our reaction is to recoil in pain and then lash out.  

What would happen if we were able to have enough focus and self-control to think first before we react?  We might not burn so many bridges, we might save marriages and friendships.  We might be happier in the long run.

Wishing to **** the person who hurt us so deeply feels totally justifiable and appropriate in the moment, except once the emotions flatten, saying those hurtful things, acting that malicious way is only turned back on you and hurts you with the pangs of loss and regret.  How we so wish we could undo it all and go back and do it right this time...

We must remember that we can react on the inside, but that we have the power to conduct our external actions in loving ways.  We are humans.  We will not be able to do this every time with grace, but we can do our best.

What propels our ability to be non-reactive is to acknowledge the incredible skill of putting yourself in the others' place and wondering what they're going through.  What is she feeling?  Why might he say those things?  And then responding with compassion. Self-restraint coupled with empathy is the way we do this.

I believe most of us (like 95%) of humans of the Earth are truly doing the best we can with what we've learned in life and what concrete things we have to work with.  The person who is selfish or violent may have had convoluted messages and abusive parents while growing up.  Any one born into her situation would probably behave the same.  But on the outside, when all we see is the selfishness and violence, we judge her.  We gossip and say she's a bad person.  But, if we really saw and experienced all of what she experienced, we might not be so quick to judge.  In fact, we might reach out with loving arms and compassionate hearts.  I believe people are good.

I greatly struggle with being reactive.  I make sweeping assumptions, believe these assumptions, plan an attack and then attack head-on.  I've lost over four close, wonderful friends this way.  I've lost numerous relationships.  I've almost lost family.  It's time I grow up and learn some self-regulating skills.  I am finally starting to see how I regularly sabotage my relationships.  I'm like a bullet-train racing down the tracks and my collision is waiting for me every time.  How does one reverse the direction of a bullet-train in motion?  I do not know, but I feel it is my duty to figure that out and do it.

I think the first step is to think.  I feel, I stop, I think, and I think some more, and THEN I take action.  The trick is to STOP first so that there's time to think!  

That's my personal therapy session for tonight. :-)  Good night.