i had the dream that i
couldn't find you

standing alone and not knowing
just what to do

only myself to look at and
blame the mirror for
being so ******* true

i had the dream
of being lost and not
knowing what to do

so sick of being lonely
tired of unknown shame
staring into nothing
having myself to blame

i woke up to a place i didn't belong
next to me smiling,
guess you were having the same dreams too.

im a shadow in your eyes
a cancer
a plague
disguised and concealed
i blinded you
until you came

i can block out your fears
calm and comfort you
but only for a while
before i steal what you came
to just give away

plucked from random
a molecule from the cosmos
i stole you
only to surrender you again

you weren't mine but i was yours
even if for only a day
that's when my cancer took it all away

I've limped through another
day
weeK
birth
I got scars to feel especially when they're burned

limited in imagination
sparking only when I
*******
die
start my car

I get high now, again
it makes little to no sense
television
cold spells
online video games
my lighter works
I believe in purification
Ill try to achieve the heights of my imagination
again I try
sometimes twice a day

I should write I know because I think of it  constantly.
but I give up or give in to quickly
distracted by nothing and lazy and quick to complain to myself
it's all **** and I can't care like before
it doesn't help me anymore

I haven't suffered recently
I haven't created conflict or destroyed love
I have slept with a ******* and ignored it to flaccid contempt
maybe it'll grow back

They danced
gods praised them
fire lit burning high
flames embraced the dark sky
engulfing the moon and
swallowing all who played

women marked for ceremony
white passion making new
beginning a life without a past
vowing "I do"

Raging wars never cease
no bed or room offers peace
anger guilt lust betrayal
all behind solid walls
eat away
pride then the fall

getting back up on their feet as
another fire lights
dance and let go
of the lifelong chance

passing in glance
eyes see the deciet
heart pumps the shame
guilt warms the flesh
lust takes over
and the burning consumes you again.

give me a little sun
to burn this chill
make it so I aint never knew
the cold

show me them blue sky
and blow these grays away
I need better you know
but I ain't never gonna say

but I got it in my head
and I don't know
how to let go
stuck down in this place
cause you made me believe so

I wish I could walk on in peace
slowly get smaller
yeah you know I'd keep on a walking
never would turn my head
I'd walk on no mo sufferin
no I wouldn a run

I almost became alien
needing to return home
walked away with everything I went in with...
not happy just prolonged
seas of mystery and unfamiliarity

I fell through a mossy cleft
deep and well traversed
I gave up poisoned
believing that was the worse
what I deserved
nothing never owed only due

I was alien
Long ago
fighting an old hatchet wound