They thought I’d be dead by now
Leaving without a trace
I’ve been gone for so long
That wrinkles stretch my face

They've got me a whole funeral
For that’s what’s understood
Yet I’ve been living off rodents
In my lodge within the woods

No more electricity
Isolation is the way
It’s all those simplicities
That makes me want to stay

I lived like a hermit
Couldn’t stand the abuse
I never trusted anyone
For they’d call me but a recluse

I’ve lost my appetite
As I sit here alone
No comforting meal
No comfortable soul

I watch those around me
Sit there and chat
While I’m left to fend
For my pathetic self

I’d go on strike
But no one would care
I just don’t feel like eating
While all of them stare

They don’t think much of me
For I show no emotion
But inside I’m screaming
With no single motion

They’ll cast me aside
For I’m a lost cause
All that I’ve lived for
Has been what I’ve cost

I see my reflection
In a much darkened screen
For if anyone saw me
They’d call me obscene

I feed off toxicity
I live off the poison

Cyanide pills from apple seeds
Crush them up, encapsulate
Feed them to your enemies
Or drop it in their drinks

They call it forbidden for a reason
It’s the fruit that never dies
Yet if I crush it up real fine
It’ll make your family cry

They call me Johnny Appleseed
The way I make ‘em feed
Could’ve used a gun
But that would make ‘em bleed

I feed off toxicity
I live off the poison

Stuff up my body
Mangle my skin
Chalk up my bones
I’m deader than him

You might think it’s wrong
But I get to decide
I’ll be dead by then
So cut me deep inside

Formaldehyde
What’s the downside?
Come out and hide
When’s the right time?

I’ll pay you a fortune
Hope it won’t cause you displeasure
It’s one man’s wish
Another man’s treasure

I’ll be dead by then
But it’s your job to remember
That I want to be known
As the taxidermy man

I’m falling behind
Slipping into lost space
I’m losing my mind
I cannot escape

I wish someone would pave the way
But they never do
I wish I’d have something to say
But I never do

I’ll drag them down with me
If no one will help me
I’ll bring them down with me
To a place they call hell

I’m a troubled man
With many fears
But falling behind
Seems the most dear

Everyone’s running
In this race we call life
They run their way retirement
While I walk backwards
Into primitive crimes

You are a killer
For you’ve done it yourself
You’re a sinner
For you target the self

You’ve completed your vision
At the cost of your own
What has it come to?
You’ve contorted your wealth

For the love of your family
They mourn and repent
Why didn’t you tell them
Until you were spent

Life is a prism
You said it yourself
But now that it’s broken
The light has been sent

Decapitate the truth at hand
Climb out from your own quicksand
Disconnect from all your morals
Become the sinner you reject

Acknowledge that you’re in too deep
There’s nothing left for you to see
Your severed soul falls to its knees
No ethical ways, just to receive

I can’t remember all your names
The victims of my mental games
I love the pleasure that I gain
I let their lives go up in flames

No consequence
And no remorse
To justify
The choice is yours

No more need for a redeemer
Some may say that I’m a dreamer
No more need for a redeemer
Some may say that I’m a dreamer

You act like a beetle
In a barn at some farm
Feeding off things
That I won’t recall

All memories lost
In a couple of years
Now all you know
Is living off fear

Some say you’re worthless
Some say in need
But all that I could do
Is nod in indeed

The worst insult of all
And nobody knows
What it could’ve meant
When you climbed up the walls

This may be cryptic
But there’s nothing here
In a thousand years
You’ll be yet a sneer

Smile for the camera
Make it seem like you’re alive
When in reality
You are without energy

Caught moments before disaster
Before the lightning strikes
We have a glimpse at what’s left
Before he died

No flash photography at the funeral
No cracking jokes or drinking wine
It’s your funeral, so make it worth my time

Smile for the casket
Make him seem like he’s alive
When in reality
He already died

They clap and cheer
As they watch her flames
To burn the witch
Is to become the same

Cheering on the looters
Business men cry
They’re glad we came
When the police arrived

A round of applause
For the newly deceased
They'll make it someday
But for now we’ll feast

Crying tears of joy
As the murders sprawl
Grab everything
And show off your haul

Never tries to make amends
The rules they break, they try to bend
Never wants a simple end
For without conflict, reprimand

Contort our beliefs
To mindless little thieves
Never would’ve grieved
Unless they’re part of me

Terrorize them till they break
Bomb them so they’ll stay awake
Make them bleed for heaven’s sake
Never wonder what’s at steak

The ****** of many
The death of the plenty
We blow up the married
For a peaceful contrary

I’m a changed man
I’m doing just fine
Just take me back
I’ve got nothing to hide

Then and now
Why and how
Now and then
How and when

Foolish little past
It gets in my way
All my friends
I must defend

Why?

I must defend
All my friends
Gets in my way
Foolish little past

How and when
Now and then
Why and how
Then and now

I’ve got nothing to hide
Just take me back
I’m doing just fine
I’m a changed man

I remember the days
And they drive me insane
Wish I could go back to them
But there’s no real way

Living life in the past
Never was as pretty as it seems
Ignoring the future and present
It’s a gift not worth being received

I remember the times
When everything rhymed
Everything made sense
And I took on the world

But now the world takes on me
It feeds off of me
It’s living off fear
And I’m the host

I’ve got to save the girl that I betrayed
I’ve got to lie to her so I can get my ways
I’ve got to change her perception or she will doubt
But if she finds out then I’ll come crashing down

I know you want to help
And I know you’re dying to
But there is no escape
I know you’re trying to

I’ve got to save the man that he’s become
I’ve got to make amends or he’ll be done
I’ve got to change his world or he’ll fall apart
But if he won’t budge then I’ll join his run

I know I won’t forget
But yet I’m trying to
It is my worst regret
But I am dying too

Falling through the sky, it’s just us
You and I, we can trust
Goodbye to the living
No time left for our forgiving

No escape
No escaping anxiety
No more praise
No more praising society

I’ve given up
I’ve let myself down
Falling through blank space
I wish I never really knew

I don’t want to go to heaven
I don’t want live on earth
I just want to go away
To a place much like a dream

I hope I’ll forget
I hope I’ll slip away
I hope it’s soon enough
For I don’t know who to trust

What once was is no more
Like a melted snowman you left no trace
You ran away on Christmas Day
With all your belongings left in place

Your presents are still under the tree
Any day now is fine by me
Your presence is all I need
I want you back just to see

You’re probably gone forever
But I need you right now
If you don’t come back again
I’ll never feel the same again

It’s been seven years since you were seen
Wish you’d come back like Lazarus
They’ve pronounced you dead by now
Yet I thought you’d outlive the last of us

We brought your gifts to the memorial grave
The presents still wrapped up ‘till this day
I really don’t know what else to say
I wish you’d just come back again

Your presents are left corroded
In the sun and in the rain
Your presence was never seen
So mine will be the same…

Gutted and sold
Break through the mold
Beat up and ******
Disheveled, disowned

The feast of the plenty
Today we give thanks
We pray to our savior
Then drink from our drinks

The second coming
A forgotten disgrace
Why must we suffer
While others are safe

You butcher the words
That spew from your lips
The word of the lord
According to you

You have to stop
There can be no more
You have to drop
For there will be no more

Endings are beginnings
Is what they all say
Yet now that you're dead
I wish I could’ve filled you with led

You can cry
But there can be no more
You have to die
So there will be no more of you

“Let me live another day”
That’s what they all say
“Let me have another chance”
Is what they say before they’re lanced

Throw my life into the fire
Watch it burn like funeral pyre
Beneath the mud within the mire
Watch me sink into barbed wire

Over the fence and around the bend
It’s almost like I’m at wits end
Without family or a friend
It’s almost like it’s all pretend

Wish away what makes me sane
Why should I need to explain
The ways in which I live in vain
Existence is a terminal bane

Fireplace, the place for me
It’s not for you, just wait and see
Watch my clothes burn quietly
My last words might not surprise me
Yet it’ll leave you in ruins

For as long as I remember
You’ll still be known
But once I meet a similar fate
You’ll be thought of as a waste of space

Live to forget
Learn to forgive
Live to forget
Die in regret

You’re life was nothing special
But you meant the world to me
But once you’re gone forever
There’s nothing else to see

Live to forget
Learn to forgive
Live to forget
Die in regret

I don’t want you to be forgotten
But there’s no one else who cares
No one wants to be lost to time
Yet the same can’t be said for me

Sacked and dragged to an endless room
Still awaiting impending doom
Thought I’d see a crazed old man
But instead the men in black, they stand

Shackled in chains
Mouth shut, duct tape
Dragged down in vain
Try to stay sane

They put me in front of an old TV
They roll the tape in front of me
They shot my dog for all to see

They electrocute me on odd intervals
They torture me as if I’m the evil one
They gain pleasure from my distress
Once blood dripped down
They say I’ve made a mess

I’ve done nothing wrong
I have nothing to hide
But If they won’t believe me
I’d much rather die

They want answers that I don’t know
They’ve gone too far to let me go
They’ll break my bones from head to toe
They’ll reap a harvest never sown

Salvaging what’s left of me
But I don’t even know what I’m looking for
I’m trying to get back to it
But there was nothing really left to it

I can’t describe how empty I feel
Trying to put my life back together
I can’t survive if nothing gets better
So I look to the stars and I kneel

Salvage the joy that I once felt
Salvage the memories that I still repent
Salvage the ways that keep me okay
For nothing really ends just the same

I can’t describe how empty I feel
Trying to put my life back together
I can’t survive if nothing gets better
So I look to the stars and I kneel

There’s nothing there
There’s nothing left
There’s nothing
Nothing

Too little people
Roam the land
Questioning things
That most defend

Hang the gallows
Distort the truth
Extort the money
Corrupt the youth

Most ignore it
As false prophets do
The communication
Of ignorant fools

Among the few
Who oppose the many
We wonder who’s left
Or even if any

We continue to try
Yet we know it’s too late
Now and forever
All for the state

When dreams feel more real than life itself
You know you’re living a nightmare

I couldn’t tell you
What is real

I Board up the windows
So I can be free
I can’t tell you what time
‘Cause TV’s the only light I’ll ever see

Dopamine from endless dreams
No life, no soul, no way to leave
It’s almost like I don’t wanna breathe

…

Hanging from the chandelier
The noose and I are getting near
I’m fading out, I cannot hear
I cannot tell you if I’m here

Why must I live through medication?
Why can’t I live with my temptation?
To give up on prescription drugs
And live life as it was

Why can’t I find a normal way
To get through the day
Without draining away
In insufferable pain?

Why can’t I eat like I used to?
When I wanted to
Just looking at food
Makes me want to hurl

Wasting away to get through the day
It’s nothing but pain, just to stay sane
I don’t want to die old and afraid
Just let me be me and make me insane

Let me pretend
That you are my friend
Let me believe
That you would have grieved
‘Cause when I am dead
There is no pretend
And there will be no end

You don’t exist
It’s all in my head
But when I am with you
We can pretend

Leave me be
He can’t hurt me
There’s nothing you can do
To follow through
‘Cause he’ll never leave me
So what if I have no one true

I don’t exist
It’s all in your head
But when you are with me
You are my friend

Come with me
Hide the truth
It’s time for you
To go…

I evermore know now
That Christ’s wounds will suffice
I shall wound myself no further
For He bore them all for me

A lifetime of sin contrived
Yet He has payed the price
I sing you now a requiem
For a suicide that will never be

I was happier
Sometime in the past
And now I can’t remember
They never seem to last

I got myself a razor
Got myself a laugh
I’ve got a sense of mania
And I’ll treat it like a gaff

I cut into my soul
I do it every day
I wish it hurt more often
It’s my favorite escape

Relief is what I’m after
From all the pain before it
And all the pain thereafter

They’ll put you in a cage
With butterfly bandaids
You can try to escape
But with broken wings you’ll stay

They’ll hold you there until you’re better
If you get worse they’ll restrain you further
None of this made sense with time
I’m no one’s threat but mine

With each turn of the page
It’ll make you enraged
You can try to stay sane
But with books and poems you’ll hate

They’ll hold you there until you’re better
If you get worse they’ll restrain you further
None of this made sense with time
I’m no one’s threat but mine

The world is just a bigger cage
With people just as bad and deranged
I cannot ever seem to escape
With all of my actions caught on tape

As your bandaids fall
And as time seems to stop
You realize you’re never free
Until you’re dead and deceased

I never hurt anybody else
I never hurt a soul
I never hurt the ones I loved
The ones that never learned to love me

You took what you could get
Never gave what was found
You were never one to bet
Yet the gun made your last sound

Although it never was your intention
You were already set to die
In the fire you set
On your castle of lies

So much for inheritance
The one good thing that could derive
From the kind of world you lived in
The one you burnt alive

With nothing to be given
And no family to reprise
You made quite a fortune
Worth nothing when you died

My body is a temple
A temple made of pencils
And the longer that I live
The duller that it gets

So I take out my sharpener
And press it to my skin
And if anyone notices
I’ll commit life’s greatest sin

If I were a pencil
I’d fill myself with led
‘Cause in the end
Graphite will pretend

But since I am human
I’ll have to wait it out
Or at least I’ll wait
Until I break again

Lying in my bed
Wishing I were dead
Hanging by a thread
I’d fill my head with lead

But I’d never do it
I’d never commit
Nor would I admit
Why can’t I just quit?
Why must my life be full of it?

Who can I trust?
With what’s unjust
I’ll be in disgust
As I fill my head with lust

Dreaming of a painless death
Anytime will do
Dreaming of a final breath
For which I must pursue

My last words must be grand
For my life is what’s at hand
And they will not understand
My ultimate command

Lock the door with yourself inside
There’s no one home
You’ve done this many times

Take out the same old blade
Encrusted in your crimson guise
You’ll never truly be the same
You know things never change

Scattered bloodied tissues
Meticulous, deliberate
Purposeful and keen

Your blade is dull
Your cup, overflowing
You’ve never gone this far before
You’ve rendered life annul

Something about the way
The cut goes from white to red
I can’t help but stay
As the blood fills the crevices

Drooling pools into the sink
I remember it so vividly
When scabs turn into scars of pink
Then white again

Oh, what will they think if they find out?
They’ll think I’m back in that place again
The place where I don’t want to live
A place where there’s nothing more to give

I remember searching for the rope
Reminiscing all the ways I used to cope
I seem to be fixated evermore
On breaking skin but not the core

Why can’t I be happy and still cut?
Why can’t they just keep their mouths sewn shut?
There just isn’t any more that I can do

I get so bored I think I’m going to come full circle once again

A century ago
The man would be an outcast
But now for the first time
He’s the last iconoclast

All humans perished
Through the ways of the last
All children slaughtered
The rest shortly passed

The belief that it’s wrong
To bring life to a place
As corrupt as the man
Who ended the race

He outlived the masses
With the wealth from his past
He oversaw every step
As the last iconoclast

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep
And I count scars instead of sheep
And I have nightmares when I’m sleeping
But I don’t weep until I’m thinking

Maybe if I lived in dreams
I wouldn’t be alive on the other end
“Dream big or go home” they say
Well I wish I had a place to call home

Believe me when I tell you
I hate every hour I’m awake
I don’t have anything to sell you
I know **** well I’m a mistake

Well I have a dream
It’s the big dream
And I want mine gone
I want it erased

No amount of change will fit you in
You’re unnervingly obscure
They’re already what you want to be
Yet you’ll never be what they want to see

Something is off about you
Only through romance has someone realized
That you’re a person too

And then all their faults become yours
And flawed is what you are
And you’re scared to look God in the eye

And you know what’s wrong
And you know it’s wrong
And you know you’re wrong

That’s why you’re repulsed at what you are
Yet you return to your own ***** like a dog
Just like that one kindergarten song

I view my actions from afar
A slave to weakness, I can’t defeat this
I feel trapped within a jar
And like a fly as time goes by
When the lid is open I cannot go far

I’m trapped by my own vices
Never told a soul
Pretend that it’s all okay
Just keep moving on

And again and again
I repeat, I repent, I offend
And I look away
Then back again

The caterpillar crawls
Leaves its broken shell behind
Slowly but assuredly
It finds some food and hides

Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The hungry young larva
Sits still and plays dead

Like a caterpillar or a tadpole
Who’s gone before the big break
Never ever knowing anything
They live like small machines

Potential is irrelevant
The second you die
What isn’t is no different
Then what could have been

Space cadet
Commander’s gone
Captain logs
“Another’s lost”

Wish we could erase
Our history
Why can I not trace
Your misery

With soap in your eyes
It stings
You cop a disguise
But still sing

Foaming at the mouth
In a park on the moon
Running at pigeons
They’re leaving so soon

Wish we could erase
Our past
Why such a distaste
In life lived at half-mast

A foamy beverage soothes you
While momentary loss consumes you
There’s nothing left
Nothing to do

The idea of being too far gone
Never able to return
Return to what? I don’t know
A blissful ignorance cannot be the only way to go

What are my actions but knee-**** reactions to the outside world?
What’s in the mirror is the face of something I don’t know
For nothing settles long enough for anything but fear to show

I lost myself in trying to find others
I lost my mind in trying to make sense of life
And now time is my best friend
Until the day I look back and realize that time was the one who sunk the knife in

Wasting away
One loss at a time
It’s been a long time since I could remember why I can’t just die

And I won’t so I can’t just yet
I’ll just have to wait it out
Either way, I don’t know if I’d be able to look back and not feel vandalized

Oil in a cup of water
I can’t blend in
I come out on the top
For the whole world to laugh at me

The only time
I’ll be the same
Is when everything I am
Is underground

I’ve seen just about everything
Under the sun
Yet I cannot imitate
Normal fun

Tell me what I can’t be
A life like mine
It does not seem to fit
Within your mind

People hurt me
I move on
I do not blame them
I’m where I don’t belong

I don’t hate humans
They’ve already won
Where aliens go
There will be none

Tell me what I can’t say
And I’ll prove you wrong
There is no meaning
Without thought

I hate aliens
Yet I am one
When humans know
They tend to run

Spacemen scream
“Don’t look at me”
I’m phoning home
To no reply

That’s what it means
Read it in my eyes
That I am alien
To life’s lies

They all light the flame
And laugh as I fly to it
I wish I knew another way
I wish I hadn’t flown astray

Everyone’s a butterfly
But me, I must run and hide
So far away from here

I’m the moth
I’m starving and alone
Nobody’s clothes are near to bite on
I wish I could pollenate with the other guys
Makes me want to lay and cry

Cut off my wings
Make it so I’ll have to give up
Can’t keep letting myself down

I want to be ugly like the moth
Then it will all make sense
But tell me I’m a butterfly
And then I’ll fly away
How could someone be so deranged as to like me?
Or soulless enough to lie

Magma spat out like the lukewarm
Now lava has become its name
For it moves in a way that seems its own
Yet in essence, nothing has changed

A life lived beside a volcano
Leaves a body preserved in its wake
Unknowingly so, they’ll walk over you
The second the ground supports them and their hideous head

From suburban homes
To the catacombs
Their parents have all tried their best
Yet kids live at their own behest

With long sleeves and short hair
They say that life is never fair
With allowance and stolen money
They run to a place that’s never sunny

A deal’s a deal
To break through the seal
The girls at the knife shop
Just want something to feel

The man at the counter accepts the cash
No receipt needed before the slash
They leave the store with smiles at best

Thinking the man could have never guessed

Adding to their collection
They trade and they sell
Adding to their digression
They confide not to tell

Business is booming
With scars always looming
The man at the knife shop
Knows just what they are doing

A power in numbers remain unused
And scattered are the whispers of the truth
Drawing parallels from the past
Another civilization fails to last

The prophets are all cast below
Yet myriad are the ones who know
The truth that still remains untold
Whilst those that roam are manifold

And many people claim to last
Yet generations came to pass
And all the remnants proceed to vote
To place the horns upon the goat

As beauty is chastised by elites
They replace the chasm with deceit
And spew their praises at the crone
Whilst demons elected to the throne

And when in power, we grow powerless
And this poisoned world became flowerless
And as each sin has turned to virtue
The credulous are all plagued to hurt you

Sloths slow elders to their grave
Whilst greed makes the wealthy cave
To envy is to be the same
As the homeless man who rants and raves

Yet lust consumes the weak of heart
And pride is taught right from the start
And wrath has learned to come in waves
And gluttons ***** through their days

And as the great deceiver lays his torch
The city has been set to scorch
Whilst some remain to seem unscathed
The multitude remain unsaved

Yet many turn to look the flame
And those that did did not remain
The refugees divide to sevens
As they seek refuge in the heavens

Where did my vision go?
Or is this just what happens
When your eyes die?
From the inside

I'm so used to being like stained glass
People, they stare, but can’t see their reflection in me
So what do they see?

Am I unaware I'm unaware?
Or aware of something that isn't there?
I can't tell

Is there something in the air?
Or something that will tear?
I wouldn't dare

Could I be squeezing at gelatin?
Hanging onto the one thing
That’ll be my noose?

Am I so used to nothing
That some things mean everything?
Or is it true?
I wish I knew

Is this the price of rose-colored glasses?
Is it you?
Is it true, love?

I’ll never get up again
I’ll never love again
I’ll never see the end
I’ll never live again

No one ever tries to visit
I thought I’d never really lose it
All my calls for help unanswered
All the nurses hold me ransom

The longer I live on these grounds
The more debt will come around
So I beg for euthanasia
Yet they kept me here for years now

I can’t get up
I **** in a cup
I’ve already given up
On trying to live it up

All your possessions lost
Into the burning flame
You take a look around yourself
And wonder who's to blame

You hear the sirens scorch
Into your beating heart
You may have dodged a bullet
But your wife was not as smart

Everything you’ve ever had
Has burned to ash
Or melted to the core
Who would have ever known
Of the pain you had in store

One man you thought you knew
Had turned himself in
His motive was to ****
But not the one who did

He thought you’d lose your life
Trying to save her’s
So if she did escape
She would turn to him

I wish I hadn’t done
What’s already been done
But it’s too late
I wish I hadn’t flown
Too close to the sun
But it’s too late

Sleepless nights
Of long lost times
Writing songs
Of meaningless rhymes
Behind bars
For violent crimes

They don’t care
That I show remorse
Or that I’m on my course
There’s no chance of a parole
So what is the point
Of maintaining some control

Gonna try to get the chair
This is something I can’t bare
There is no way that I care
I will do it on a dare

Gonna fight with all the guards
Gonna scream until I’m sore

Now I’m going to the room
Now I’m gonna face my doom
No last meal for me to taste
Gonna die for the benefit
Of the human race

Smashed my head into the concrete
Glad I’m not dead but I cannot speak
We still lost the game
Last thing I said was quite profane

I still remember everything
But when I speak there is nothing
Sign language no one seems to learn
I can still hear just no more words

Writing down all I think
Cough up blood into the sink
All I do now is I drink
No more words for me to sing

I get beat up
Without a word
Go to class
The teacher swore

I can’t seem to say
What’s on my brain
For there’s no reason to stay sane

I can’t scream when they hurt me
I can’t sleep without worry
I am left without a word
I am left without a world