Make a wish…
You’re already living it
Dig a grave…
You’re already digging it

Digging deeper with scoops of clay
Maybe one day I’ll drown in it
Make my way down the wishing well
Dig until I drown in it

I’ll scream but they won’t hear
An abandoned well, I cannot bear
I’d live but they won’t save me
Make a wish and wish for death
Deep within the abandoned well

Here I am in my stiff bed
Here I lay my uncomfortable head
No place I’d rather be instead
Where else absorbs the tears I shed?

Snot crusts and blood dries
Nowhere else I’d rather cry
I call out to no one
Receiving no reply

Panic swells and tires out
As my eyes suffer from drought
I cascade into slumber
Relieving every doubt

Here I wake in my stiff bed
Here I lay my uncomfortable head
No place I’d rather be instead
Where else absorbs the tears I shed?

I may seem tall, but I’m dying
And I’ll die quicker than the short ones
And I know it doesn’t matter
Once your on the floor screaming

So check your hair in the mirror
Hope that no one sees you trying
And I can’t pull this off on my own
And I’ll never pull the trigger

Well neither will they
‘Cause they’re not impatient
So carve out your time
Into brief condemnations

And punch a hole in the ceiling
And climb up through the cracks
And you know you shouldn’t be here
But you know you won’t be long

So close your eyes, there’s no difference
You can’t see in the dark
Just walk around in a circle
And you’re right back at the start

So fall through the hole in the floor
And collapse down on the ground
And you know you should’ve never left
‘Cause you knew you wouldn’t belong

Well now that your back where you started
Where you always knew you’d never fit in
You kept your eyes wide just to cry
You didn’t care when they stumbled on your tears

Well they never cared either
‘Cause you’re not their patient
So write the screenplay
To your own destination

And you know if you fight to the death
A part of you will die
Whether it’s you on the inside
Or the movie on the outside

So put a hole in your skull
And here it comes
You know you’re not the one
To lose the plot and turn the TV off

But I will not hurt you
But I might desert you
Just like I said
And just like you’ve done

And I’m gone
It only hurt a minute
But I’ve felt worse things
In the rough draft of the ending

Roll all the credits
All the names of the people who crossed me
All the names of the people I’ve crossed
And I knew it all along
I sold my script to a director

This was my destiny and destination
It couldn’t happen any different
I never was a fan sequels

Well I fell through the hole that I kicked in
I dug my grave with the devil
Well it looks like I’m going to hell
I wish they didn’t add a scene after the credits

Dragged down by the dirt and the trees
Buried in a tomb of my fears
Trapped inside a forest of tears

I’ve lost my way
Went too far off the trail
The howling of wolves
And the loss of a sail

I’m running away
Lacking food or a drink
Resorting to bugs
I’m beginning to sink

The deeper I go
The less I’ll know
Carving a knife
With a stick and a stone

No communication
No final goodbye

I’ll feed myself to the wolves
Till I’m nothing but bone

Here they come
There is no goodnight
I’ll say my goodbye
‘Cause I’m gonna die

Lock the door
Toss out the key
There’s one way out
But it’s not for me

Sometimes I lie in my bed
Other times I lie my head
Upon the windowsill
And I sit very still

Looking down
A million cars roll by
Looking up
A billion stars stand by

Sometimes I beg
Dangling my leg
Off the windowsill
I cannot sit still
I jump

Waiting for the crash
As I hit the floor
But for now
I wish I could have
Used the door

Looking up
The stars all frown
Looking down
The cars all drown

In pools of red
I guess I’m dead

Light my past on fire
Throw it all in the pit
Like the one in my stomach
It’s pleading to be lit

You could pawn it off
But that won’t make it go away
You could throw it out
But it’ll be there the next day
To pull it out again

Dust it off
Wipe away the gunk
Put it back on the shelf
Stare at the piles of junk
Burn it all for good

I’m the only one left
In the prison where I’ve been kept

The guards are dead
My guard is down
And I’ve forgotten how to frown
Can’t seem to get out of the cell in my own head

I’ve found comfort in my cage
The gate is open yet I’m not there
I’m on the floor beside my bed
Feeding off the guards that were
Convinced to end themselves

I’ll wither with this abandoned prison
Like the captain of a sinking ship

Thought to be extinct
Their carcasses range a thousand years
If ever seen again
They’d wreak havoc on us all

Lazarus taxonomy
Finally got the best of me
Extinction is but a claim
Yet I call them out by name

We’ll say they’ve come back
But they never really left
All they ever did
Was plot their descent

They’re murderers at heart
Just don’t try to get smart
Let the whole world know
That they’re all gonna die

You’re someone that I never knew
Yet from what I’ve heard, you were you
You died before I was born
Yet the impact that you had was long overdue

I’ve only heard stories of what you have done
They say you're a winner but what have you won?
I’ll always believe that you were free
That you’ve passed it on to your son

I’ll never be the way you’d want me to be
And I know I’m still of my youth
And I’m not my best self
But I’ll try my best to tell the truth

I’ll pray for you

Like a blind man to his wife
All he can do is pray she’s by our side
And in this way I believe in Christ
And bear my cross in life

Her sightless spouse believes she’s beautiful
And as marvelous as the sun
And in this way I believe in God
And await his judgement call

And the unseeing groom believes she’s innocent
As gracious and pure as a dove
And in this way I believe in the Ghost
Which guides us from above

The husband doesn’t know what she sees in him
Yet there she is, to tuck him in
And in this way I believe that I
Can be made worthy of that place in the sky

And like the all-seeing bride who sits by his side
And wipes the tears off from his eyes
Yet unbeknownst to him
When he cries she cries

Like Jesus wept for Lazarus
And Mary wept when Jesus left
But he came back with open arms

And he’ll come again
When all’s been said
In the fullness of our time

Seeing stars from in my bed
Repeating words inside my head
I seem to be forgetting things
The day before’s a mystery

All I have to know she’s there
Is an indentation of where she said her prayers
And why she left I’ll never know
And at her return I’ll know only to love her so

The water was shallow
Yet you had me drown in it
Eyes set on the gallows
While my face had a frown on it

I see no connection here
No connection to the crime
The crime of existing
Will be punishment in time

Living with the fact that all your life
Was nothing but a dream
And now that you’re awake
You have nothing left to be

Hypocrisy reigns
With reason’s remains
And truth dies
Behind hands that are tied

Was the glass half empty
Or was it never full
Who’ll fill this glass
For my forsaken soul

I’ll never be content
And I’ll never be happy
There’s nothing left of me
All but distant memories

I’ve reached a dead end
I’ve reached a terminal hault
Looking down at the abyss
There’s only one way out

I’m falling off the edge to an end
I’ve gone so far just to lead to dead-ends
Passing on to the unknown through liminal ways
All I can say is I never really wanted to stay

I don’t know what’s ahead
I don’t know what’s below
But one thing is for sure
I’ll be the one that goes

The apple in your eyes
Fell hard from a tree
And smacked into my head
Which drove me to sleep

I dreamt of there after
Yet my mind’s always captured by you
Let me let go
Don’t reel me back

In a life without gravity
I’d make use of my apathy
And drift away
Let the vacuum wipe me out

The world is my Dedalus
And the blade is my sun
I’ll fly high like Icarus
With wings that burn off

Let me land on a palm tree
In an island far off
I’ll eat my own limbs
And I’ll end in a scoff

I became one big snake
As my organs unwound
Before I let go
Make sure I kiss the ground

My mind killed itself
But my body remains
The stars shone bright
But I could never find the moon at night

My life’s a broken satellite
Sending cryptic words to nowhere
And then one day I find
The path I’m on leads everywhere but here

Never want to be alone
Cannot seem to be atoned
For they already cast their stones at me

Please stop giving out directions
It’s throwing me off
I’ll find out someday

Please leave your skin at the door
And hang it on a rusty hanger
And lock us in so I can we do no wrong

Don’t let me feast
Don’t leave me be
Never let me out
Please hinder me
And render me for who I am…

Incomplete

I wear flannels in the summer
To hold my insecurities in
Cause the times I cut my arm
Were no one’s business but mine

White scars scream surrender
I’ll be dead before they fade
So I wear different color flannels
For different kinds of days

The last thing I see before bed
As I’m reaching for the lights
Is a reflection of my past self
A reflection of the lies

There is nothing wrong with me
Or the silly things I did
There is nothing left to see
I saw it all as a kid

The mental scars sweep in
After I’m forced to see what I did
And I’ve seen things I hated then
And things I learned to hate in the end

Summertime flannels
They all ask why
“Aren’t you hot in that?”
As I’m dying on the inside

There’s too many scars to count
Too many times I’ve slipped away
To the corner of my room
And cried the night away

They say it gets better
“It gets better with time”
Yet never means never
I’ll end it on a dime

One wrong move
One wrong slip of the wrist
To cut into my soul
And bleed out into the abyss

I’ll give back what’s borrowed
I’ll release my sorrow
Tomorrow

I’ll submit to dictators
I’ll pray for my creator
Sometime later

I’ll forget you ever
I’ll repent however
Whenever

Whenever means never
Later I’ll be gone
And tomorrow I’ll be wronged
It won’t happen
Forever

I can never keep my mouth shut
My life goes on, but all for what?
The more it hurts the more I cut
Today I’m going with my gut

The feeling I get
Staring out at space
I look in the mirror
But I can’t see my face

Paranoia deceives me
So I drank some mace
It’s sad that *****’s the last thing
I’ll ever taste

Nothing ever goes as planned
They’ve stretched me out like a rubber-band
It was only a matter of time before it breaked
Spread my ashes in the lake

As I lay my love
To rest upon my shoulder
I see a silhouette
Of when he is much older

Without a shadow of a doubt
I know he’ll suffer here throughout
And as for me, I’ll be in pain
Until the day that I’m without

I turn to him and say
“How can we live this way?”
He turned to me and said
“Just **** me instead”

And at his own behest
I lay my love to rest
Upon his ultimate beholder

Leaving everything behind
No material possessions left to find
Running away on two feet
It’s just me and the sidewalk streets

Missing posters with no reward
I’m worthless and without remorse
Stolen goods feed my empty soul
There’s just no goal worth fighting for

No phone to call home
No place to call home
No way to calm down
No way to climb out

The farther I go the less I fear
Of recognition, I shed a tear
There’s nothing more for you to hear
I’ve seen it all within a year

Known for the bad
Fought for the good
Thrown in a jail
In all ways he could

Notorious for nothing
Nothing but his own
But when you look into his eyes
You stare into a stone

Remove the bad
Correct the youth
It’s not sad
It’s just the truth

No reflection
Of yourself
He’s not human
Just without

The painter paints from the heart
The painter bleeds out for his art
The painter knows it’s just the start
The painter’s ink has missed the mark

With scars upon his arm
The painter carries on

The painter believes that he’s got time
The painter bleeds another line
The painter breaths another sigh
The painter knows he wants to die

Yet with scars upon both arms
The painter carries on

The painter no longer feels pain
The painter’s just trying to stay sane
The painter draws deep within his veins
The painter paints in crimson waves

Now with scars upon all limbs
He begins realize his chance is slim

The painter ponders his last piece
The painter plasters paper sheets
The painter lays them on the streets
The painter waits for his last feast

The piece is done
No peace within
The car did come
And finished him

Say hello
Wave goodbye
For you to turn a blind eye on me

I leave without a sound
Walking around the unmoved
To get back home and to my room

You’ve all forgotten
I never needed to be killed off
For you to move on

I isolate my head
Remove it from view of my peers
And no one noticed the body

I hide my hands
Under the table
Ignore the odor of a ******

I’ll always be
Where I am needed
Nowhere

That face, I suppose
Nothing’s what I propose
Another sudden lie
Another weighted die

No conviction to speak of
Yet your lips still move
And nothing is true
Nothing is you

Whatever I thought you knew
You never knew
And I was a fool
To think you’d forgot

Everything is loose
Even the noose around your neck
Because there’s always a catch
I put a lock on your escape hatch

You had the nerve to betray me
And all that I am
All for my wealth
And my soon widowed beldam

The gas is leaking out now
I can barely breathe
I bang on the window
But I’m too weak to recede

Frame it as a suicide
Would have rather been tortured
For months at a time
And I would never waste a dime on you

I put you in my will for a reason
I trusted you in many ways
But only in death
Can I know the truth

The hand that was dealt to me
Is all that I’ve known
I play by the rules and I get no return
Stop putting your dominant left-hand out to be shaken
And at least pretend to look the person in the eyes

I go through the motions
And I learned to care what is normal
In hopes that someone would throw me a bone

All my life I’ve been doing an impression
Of what I thought I’d be like if I fit in
And now whenever someone says to, “just be yourself”
All I can think of is that false version of me
And that the impression I do isn’t even normal
For people still see me as weak

I’m walking on eggshells
Looking like a chicken with it’s head cut off
And then I wonder why I’m avoided

I keep a diary
Sealed with tears from my eye
The chronicles of chronic pain
Only proves that I should die

I go to blink
And every time I do
I feel the pain that I once felt
When my eye was stabbed right through

And I spy
With my one eye
A gun on the kitchen table
That I’m not afraid to use

So I write my final entry
And I do it all preeminently
To replace the diary with the gun
I know that it will not be fun

On the Moon there is a crater
Upon which I stand
Like the crushed pale skull
Atop the last grain of sand

One small step for man
Too many falls to decide
It’s the undiscovered land
Upon which I hide

One giant leap off a cliff
In a park with a lake
Never once did I question
What’s left at stake

And the sun is a fire
Around which I’ll burn
It’ll outlast me
I just wish it ended on my terms

Say goodnight
To the moon and the stars
Say goodbye
To the pain and the scars

Do you want to be remembered
as a thief?
Would you hate to be forgotten
In your sleep?

You can cry all you need
‘Cause nothing’s guaranteed
You can die in your sleep
‘Cause life is but a dream

Why should I believe
Your ever lifeless plead
Why should I have grieved
You’re nothing more to me

I could be . . .
Bleeding out the pain
Trying to stay sane
No need for my remains
With a bullet in my brain

Euthanize me
Just wait and see
I can’t **** me
So do it please

It’s just not fair
To be stuck within
A concluding dream

The scent of the burning
The shock of it all
The man’s in the oven
The visions we call

Electrocution
In a tub of lost fears
We’re blinded by hatred
Yet still serve our years

The bestest invention
Since the slicing of bread
I wish I were happy
But now I am dead

It’s all the ideas
That rush through my brain
As a sigh in relief
I look back on the pain

A note in the toilet
A lock on the door
For if anyone saw me
They’d probably hurl

Once it’s plugged in
And once the bath’s full
I cannot give in
To this stupid life on an earth

Gone are the days
That I wouldn’t change
Gone are the ways
That I could have changed
Gone are my friends
Who got through the day
Gone is my hope
That kept me from pain

It’s too late to make amends
My insignificant life is at wits end
I can’t get up from off my bed
I can’t believe it’s all in my head

The memories live through me
By the scars of irresponsibility
They all come back to haunt me
Yet again

We grow close
We grow old
I will crumble
Under shattered souls

Betrayal derailed whatever we had
I’m gone now, a blast from the past
You stab my back until I can’t get up
I’ll never be me again

Stained glass in new church windows
Grab a stone and break some widows
It’s never too late to stick the knife in
You’ll never be sane again

We disperse
We divide
I will fall
And you will rise

A teen on the train tracks
He  very well welcomes death
But I will save him

I’ll be a martyr
I’ll be me
If I save this man
I will be free

I run to the train tracks
Before the train hits
I push him away
And I take the hit

Never knew the man
Never known who he was
Just goes to show
I've done what he does

The conductor cries
The family mourns
They say that I’ve killed myself
When I just saved a life that was

Everything I’ve ever done has led to this moment
This moment in time where I breakdown and cry
Nobody ever seems to care until it’s too late

Hopelessly sleeping and wasting away
Hopelessly dreaming of life not this way
Hopelessly feeding on nothing but pain
Hopelessly living with nothing to say

They mourn for the dead even though they can’t hear
Yet they laugh in the face of those that are here
As if resting in peace is living in hell

Hopelessly sleeping and wasting away
Hopelessly dreaming of life not this way
Hopelessly feeding on nothing but pain
Hopelessly living with nothing to say

Step one foot out the door and dart straight back in
The world is too ****** up to be living in
So I’ll stay in in my room, listing out sins

I do not wish to be forgiven
I do not want to be forgiven
I do not wish to be forgiven
I just want a life worth living

Going on my nighttime walk
I find a freshly squashed dead moth
It reminds me of my impending doom
Yet I continue my walk
And disregard the moth
And thus fall back into my cocoon

Maybe when I grow old
I’ll be scared and cold
But tonight I’m just a sickly snail
Right now I’m not old
And I’m warm not cold
I guess I’m just one big fail

Why must I hide the truth
And conform to you
I’m nothing but a grain of sand
Why can’t I ignore the truth?
And pretend that I’m of my youth
By now I’m just a sad old man

Necessity gets the best of me
Impossible to secure my needs
Without responsibility
That I refuse to see

Never had a job
Never wanted one
Yet I look for someone
Who’s more responsible than me

Spoil me with your livelihood
Spoil me with money
Spoil me with kindness
That I’ll so easily abuse

I’ll drop you if you don’t give me
What I always wanted to
I know my words aren’t so great
But without me you would go faint
With your stupid friendly kind of hate

You never give me your money
You never give me your livelihood
You never give me your money
So I’ll drop you like it’s funny

Crawling with my own two hands
I’ve got no legs, no strings attached
Hands sifting through grains of sand
It was never ours anyway

Crawl out of the wreckage
Hope they got our message
Maybe they were reckless
Yet still I hold my necklace

For the love of God
This was never fair
I’ll never walk again
I have no wheelchair

Pray my way back home
There’s no time left to roam
Apply the pressure
Stop the bleeding
Yet now my vision’s fading

Is all this blood a mirage?

You’re a scab that never heals
The more I try to help you
The less I have to feel

It’ll never go away
For as long as I pick away
I want to tear you out
I need to help get out

For as long as I peel
The scars will never heal
No need to conceal
The scabs that make me squeal

I know it’s wrong
But it’s what I do
I don’t complain
I’ll laugh at you

Why should I participate?
In this pointless chase
If I am such a waste

I am no one’s favorite person
I am nothing to myself
I'm not living like I’m sane
I'm just living life in vain

Why should I try to get a life?
When life’s the one thing I don’t like

It’s not about the “if” and “why”
It’s about the when and how I die
There’s just no reason to say goodbye

One day I’ll be gone forever
No one should say never means never
One day I’ll be gone forever
No one should say never means never

I’ll lose it on a dime
It’s only a matter of time
‘Til the glorious day I die

It feels like my life’s trapped in quicksand
The more that I try, the worse that I get
The more I believe that I can escape
The closer I feel to death

It’s almost like I’m surrounded by ocean
The longer I swim, the farther I get
The more that I see that there’s no sign of land
The closer I get to an end

It’s kinda like my life’s in the furnace
The longer I stay, the hotter it gets
The more that I feed it with coal and some air
The closer I feel to hell

It’s somewhat like I’m starting to lose it
The longer I look, the harder it gets
The more I believe that it was never there
The closer I get to forget

It’s almost like I’ve got dementia
The more that I think, the less I remember
The longer I live the further I get
From knowing ways I could escape from death

All your possessions lost
Into the burning flame
You take a look around yourself
And wonder who's to blame

You hear the sirens scorch
Into your beating heart
You may have dodged a bullet
But your wife was not as smart

Everything you’ve ever had
Has burned to ash
Or melted to the core
Who would have ever known
Of the pain you had in store

One man you thought you knew
Had turned himself in
His motive was to ****
But not the one who did

He thought you’d lose your life
Trying to save her’s
So if she did escape
She would turn to him

I am the only one
The only one that knows
I refuse to eat
I sit with my lunch alone

I only want what I can’t have
I’ll push away the thoughts at hand
Always waiting in a line
The only one without a life

Standing alone in the rain
Crying just to stay sane
If I’ll always be the only one
Then I’d be better dead

I am the only one
The only one that knows
That I won’t last another minute
Standing in the cold

No one cares
Not even me

The products of a marriage
Divided against themselves
The children split in half
Between two separate houses

The children are the dividend
The half-lives of divorce
No one wants to admit
That they are not at fault

They will never deserve this
Flopped dead like a fish
Evening out the bruises
As a means to an end

Caught up in logistics
They’ll never really know
The reason of divorce
Is nothing but their own

Let the kids down
Let the kids pout
Let the kids drown
Let the kids out

Now that I am very old and weak in all my senses
I cannot smell the flesh that surrounds me
Deep within the morgue

Every time I stared into the eyes of the deceased
I grew more and more used to it
And I became numb to the thought
That they all had lives

But now it’s my turn and it’s my time to die
But I don’t want to say goodbye
For the fate of me will be nothing more
Than the fate of those whom I’ve sacrificed

I’ve embalmed all me family
Dug the grave where they’ll rot
But now that it’s my turn
I’ll dig my own spot

Staring down into the hole
In which I’ll be forgotten
Forever and ever and nothing more

It should be deep enough to keep me around
I have many regrets that will weigh me down

I jump, I cry, I lie there
Deep within the ground

I want it lost
I want it erased
I want it gone
Removed from my brain

There’s nothing worth remembering
I’ve seen it all and I want out
I want a fresh start
I don’t want to be wrong

It isn’t my fault
I’m more than unlucky
Open wound with salt
I wanna restart

I watched my world burn
Straight from these eyes
Everyone I’ve ever known
Is no longer alive

I need help
And I need you
But if you go
I will too

Stay with me
No need to worry
Just don’t leave
Or you’ll be sorry

Make one wrong move
And it’ll be your last
I’ve got you now
And I’ll get you back

Why are you crying?
Was it something I said?
What are you waiting for?
Go ahead and play dead

I know I’ve done wrong
I know I’ve messed up
I’m ready to go
And I’m sorry

Keep on driving
Don’t stop moving
This is a threat
This is a threat

The taxi’s driving in the rain
The tensions driving me insane
I just don’t wanna die in vain
Yet still I’m running from the pain

Drop me off
Drop me off by the bridge
Wake me up
Wake me up when I sleep

It’ll be a long way ‘til the drop
Nothing’s gonna make me stop
Gonna listen to the sounds
As I fall and hit the ground

Water isn’t gonna save me
There’s nothing you can to do to stop me
This is a threat, this is a threat

We reach the bridge and I jump off
But looking up I see the man
The driver’s falling off as well

Looks like he felt a similar pain
Guess we’ll both just die in vain

Goodbye mister taxi man

Got bodies in the floorboard
Got shackles in the shed
For if you ever notice me
You’ll end up being dead

You’ll shed a tear
I’ll drink some beer
I’ll live on fear
No way to steer

Got jars upon jars
Of fresh new cremations
For there’s no more room
To give in to temptations

You’ll shed a tear
I’ll drink some beer
I’ll live on fear
No way to steer

Blessed are the meek
So easily abused
So I’ll just sit here
And be oh so easily amused

I’m getting old
So no one wants me
Soon I’ll be all on my own

I’m losing hope
Now I cannot see
A family worth calling my home

Ugly children get the bench
Disorders make me jump the fence
The words that never get to live
No talents nor a look to give

Haven’t had an interview in years
All because I look through tears
Of pain and loss that I still fear
My parents’ death is all I see

I’m up in my dreams
Losing it all in memory

Extortion through violent means
How could I be so blind
Corruption lies in broken lies
They’re like ticks leaching onto mankind

Simply living is the price
To be a martyr for the truth
When dying is the one escape
They'll **** it and frame it was you

Keep them printing
Watch them squinting
For no one comprehends
A number as big as the one at hand

Meat puppets, watch them joke
It’s all planned out, look through their notes
Who would want to know the truth
When if you did you’d be as dead as the youth

The teens in wars, they don’t know why
All they know is propagated lies

Just don’t let this get to you
There’s nothing you could ever do