Bendable
Expendable
Dependable
Surrendable

“X” marks the spot
So go run and hide
I’ll press the button
And you all will die

Contradictions
Distinctions
Starvation
Of nations

“X” marks the spot
The spot where they died
The bomb that you blew up
Had nothing to hide

Innocence
Deliverance
Malevolence
And violence

Wish I could move on
Just move beyond
But I’m stuck here
And I’ve got everything to fear

Traffic in a dim lit city
Some call me a ****** kitty
Just tell the police
They’ll know exactly what to do

No names only faces
No thoughts only laces
Drugged into the dead of night
Wish I could take off in flight

How long will this go on
Until they don’t want me anymore
I’ve gotta be useless someday
Someday they won’t use me
But when?

No respect, no dignity
All neglect, no decency

Spent most of my days
Wishing I would go away
But I’m trapped in this maze
And I’m here to stay

Bruised and burnt
I felt no shame
‘Cause I’ve always known
I’ll never change

My hatred runs strong
I hate all that I’ve done
I’ll always be wronged
‘Til I sing my last song

No decency, all neglect
No dignity, no respect

All for the self

He walked across the crosswalk
With a cane in his hand and some glass around his nose
He didn’t look both ways
He died

Even though he was deaf and blind
Although he really should’ve looked both ways
Because if he didn’t he could be still alive
But yet he’s gone

It’s not the fault of the vehicle
Or the company that made it
It’s the fault of God for making him blind
And his deafness was never so kind

Correlation is causation
Causation is a myth
But that doesn’t mean that I am wrong?
Or does it means that you’re not in it?

I have forbidden thoughts
I want to act on them but won’t
Does that still make me wrong
Or am I just as bad as them?

I plead not guilty
Because I never did it
But am I still wrong?
To want to admit it

Impulse tells me to do things
I’d never want on my own
But the longer I hold back
The harder it gets to forget

Forbidden thoughts fly in my head
Like a fish that jumped the fence
Flush the fish and flush the thought
That you just killed another one

All your apologies
Mean nothing to me
Your only here because I’m here
There’s nothing else to see

If there was a reason
I’d love to hear it
But all you do and all you say
Comes nowhere near it

I’m on my knees
Facing rejection
Looking through stained glass
I finally see my reflection

Repent and confess
All of your problems
I’ve lost it, lost them
Lost me

Make a wish…
You’re already living it
Dig a grave…
You’re already digging it

Digging deeper with scoops of clay
Maybe one day I’ll drown in it
Make my way down the wishing well
Dig until I drown in it

I’ll scream but they won’t hear
An abandoned well, I cannot bear
I’d live but they won’t save me
Make a wish and wish for death
Deep within the abandoned well

Thought to be extinct
Their carcasses range a thousand years
If ever seen again
They’d wreak havoc on us all

Lazarus taxonomy
Finally got the best of me
Extinction is but a claim
Yet I call them out by name

We’ll say they’ve come back
But they never really left
All they ever did
Was plot their descent

They’re murderers at heart
Just don’t try to get smart
Let the whole world know
That they’re all gonna die

Leaving everything behind
No material possessions left to find
Running away on two feet
It’s just me and the sidewalk streets

Missing posters with no reward
I’m worthless and without remorse
Stolen goods feed my empty soul
There’s just no goal worth fighting for

No phone to call home
No place to call home
No way to calm down
No way to climb out

The farther I go the less I fear
Of recognition, I shed a tear
There’s nothing more for you to hear
I’ve seen it all within a year

They thought I’d be dead by now
Leaving without a trace
I’ve been gone for so long
That wrinkles stretch my face

They've got me a whole funeral
For that’s what’s understood
Yet I’ve been living off rodents
In my lodge within the woods

No more electricity
Isolation is the way
It’s all those simplicities
That makes me want to stay

I lived like a hermit
Couldn’t stand the abuse
I never trusted anyone
For they’d call me but a recluse

I’ve lost my appetite
As I sit here alone
No comforting meal
No comfortable soul

I watch those around me
Sit there and chat
While I’m left to fend
For my pathetic self

I’d go on strike
But no one would care
I just don’t feel like eating
While all of them stare

They don’t think much of me
For I show no emotion
But inside I’m screaming
With no single motion

They’ll cast me aside
For I’m a lost cause
All that I’ve lived for
Has been what I’ve cost

I see my reflection
In a much darkened screen
For if anyone saw me
They’d call me obscene

I feed off toxicity
I live off the poison

Cyanide pills from apple seeds
Crush them up, encapsulate
Feed them to your enemies
Or drop it in their drinks

They call it forbidden for a reason
It’s the fruit that never dies
Yet if I crush it up real fine
It’ll make your family cry

They call me Johnny Appleseed
The way I make ‘em feed
Could’ve used a gun
But that would make ‘em bleed

I feed off toxicity
I live off the poison

Stuff up my body
Mangle my skin
Chalk up my bones
I’m deader than him

You might think it’s wrong
But I get to decide
I’ll be dead by then
So cut me deep inside

Formaldehyde
What’s the downside?
Come out and hide
When’s the right time?

I’ll pay you a fortune
Hope it won’t cause you displeasure
It’s one man’s wish
Another man’s treasure

I’ll be dead by then
But it’s your job to remember
That I want to be known
As the taxidermy man

I’m falling behind
Slipping into lost space
I’m losing my mind
I cannot escape

I wish someone would pave the way
But they never do
I wish I’d have something to say
But I never do

I’ll drag them down with me
If no one will help me
I’ll bring them down with me
To a place they call hell

I’m a troubled man
With many fears
But falling behind
Seems the most dear

Everyone’s running
In this race we call life
They run their way retirement
While I walk backwards
Into primitive crimes

You’re someone that I never knew
Yet from what I’ve heard, you were you
You died before I was born
Yet the impact that you had was long overdue

I’ve only heard stories of what you have done
They say you're a winner but what have you won?
I’ll always believe that you were free
That you’ve passed it on to your son

I’ll never be the way you’d want me to be
And I know I’m still of my youth
And I’m not my best self
But I’ll try my best to tell the truth

I’ll pray for you

You are a killer
For you’ve done it yourself
You’re a sinner
For you target the self

You’ve completed your vision
At the cost of your own
What has it come to?
You’ve contorted your wealth

For the love of your family
They mourn and repent
Why didn’t you tell them
Until you were spent

Life is a prism
You said it yourself
But now that it’s broken
The light has been sent

Decapitate the truth at hand
Climb out from your own quicksand
Disconnect from all your morals
Become the sinner you reject

Acknowledge that you’re in too deep
There’s nothing left for you to see
Your severed soul falls to its knees
No ethical ways, just to receive

I can’t remember all your names
The victims of my mental games
I love the pleasure that I gain
I let their lives go up in flames

No consequence
And no remorse
To justify
The choice is yours

No more need for a redeemer
Some may say that I’m a dreamer
No more need for a redeemer
Some may say that I’m a dreamer

I’ll never be content
And I’ll never be happy
There’s nothing left of me
All but distant memories

I’ve reached a dead end
I’ve reached a terminal hault
Looking down at the abyss
There’s only one way out

I’m falling off the edge to an end
I’ve gone so far just to lead to dead-ends
Passing on to the unknown through liminal ways
All I can say is I never really wanted to stay

I don’t know what’s ahead
I don’t know what’s below
But one thing is for sure
I’ll be the one that goes

You act like a beetle
In a barn at some farm
Feeding off things
That I won’t recall

All memories lost
In a couple of years
Now all you know
Is living off fear

Some say you’re worthless
Some say in need
But all that I could do
Is nod in indeed

The worst insult of all
And nobody knows
What it could’ve meant
When you climbed up the walls

This may be cryptic
But there’s nothing here
In a thousand years
You’ll be yet a sneer

Smile for the camera
Make it seem like you’re alive
When in reality
You are without energy

Caught moments before disaster
Before the lightning strikes
We have a glimpse at what’s left
Before he died

No flash photography at the funeral
No cracking jokes or drinking wine
It’s your funeral, so make it worth my time

Smile for the casket
Make him seem like he’s alive
When in reality
He already died

They clap and cheer
As they watch her flames
To burn the witch
Is to become the same

Cheering on the looters
Business men cry
They’re glad we came
When the police arrived

A round of applause
For the newly deceased
They'll make it someday
But for now we’ll feast

Crying tears of joy
As the murders sprawl
Grab everything
And show off your haul

Never tries to make amends
The rules they break, they try to bend
Never wants a simple end
For without conflict, reprimand

Contort our beliefs
To mindless little thieves
Never would’ve grieved
Unless they’re part of me

Terrorize them till they break
Bomb them so they’ll stay awake
Make them bleed for heaven’s sake
Never wonder what’s at steak

The ****** of many
The death of the plenty
We blow up the married
For a peaceful contrary

I’m a changed man
I’m doing just fine
Just take me back
I’ve got nothing to hide

Then and now
Why and how
Now and then
How and when

Foolish little past
It gets in my way
All my friends
I must defend

Why?

I must defend
All my friends
Gets in my way
Foolish little past

How and when
Now and then
Why and how
Then and now

I’ve got nothing to hide
Just take me back
I’m doing just fine
I’m a changed man

The scent of the burning
The shock of it all
The man’s in the oven
The visions we call

Electrocution
In a tub of lost fears
We’re blinded by hatred
Yet still serve our years

The bestest invention
Since the slicing of bread
I wish I were happy
But now I am dead

It’s all the ideas
That rush through my brain
As a sigh in relief
I look back on the pain

A note in the toilet
A lock on the door
For if anyone saw me
They’d probably hurl

Once it’s plugged in
And once the bath’s full
I cannot give in
To this stupid life on an earth

I remember the days
And they drive me insane
Wish I could go back to them
But there’s no real way

Living life in the past
Never was as pretty as it seems
Ignoring the future and present
It’s a gift not worth being received

I remember the times
When everything rhymed
Everything made sense
And I took on the world

But now the world takes on me
It feeds off of me
It’s living off fear
And I’m the host

I’ll give back what’s borrowed
I’ll release my sorrow
Tomorrow

I’ll submit to dictators
I’ll pray for my creator
Sometime later

I’ll forget you ever
I’ll repent however
Whenever

Whenever means never
Later I’ll be gone
And tomorrow I’ll be wronged
It won’t happen
Forever

I’ve got to save the girl that I betrayed
I’ve got to lie to her so I can get my ways
I’ve got to change her perception or she will doubt
But if she finds out then I’ll come crashing down

I know you want to help
And I know you’re dying to
But there is no escape
I know you’re trying to

I’ve got to save the man that he’s become
I’ve got to make amends or he’ll be done
I’ve got to change his world or he’ll fall apart
But if he won’t budge then I’ll join his run

I know I won’t forget
But yet I’m trying to
It is my worst regret
But I am dying too

Falling through the sky, it’s just us
You and I, we can trust
Goodbye to the living
No time left for our forgiving

No escape
No escaping anxiety
No more praise
No more praising society

I’ve given up
I’ve let myself down
Falling through blank space
I wish I never really knew

I don’t want to go to heaven
I don’t want live on earth
I just want to go away
To a place much like a dream

I hope I’ll forget
I hope I’ll slip away
I hope it’s soon enough
For I don’t know who to trust

What once was is no more
Like a melted snowman you left no trace
You ran away on Christmas Day
With all your belongings left in place

Your presents are still under the tree
Any day now is fine by me
Your presence is all I need
I want you back just to see

You’re probably gone forever
But I need you right now
If you don’t come back again
I’ll never feel the same again

It’s been seven years since you were seen
Wish you’d come back like Lazarus
They’ve pronounced you dead by now
Yet I thought you’d outlive the last of us

We brought your gifts to the memorial grave
The presents still wrapped up ‘till this day
I really don’t know what else to say
I wish you’d just come back again

Your presents are left corroded
In the sun and in the rain
Your presence was never seen
So mine will be the same…

Gutted and sold
Break through the mold
Beat up and ******
Disheveled, disowned

The feast of the plenty
Today we give thanks
We pray to our savior
Then drink from our drinks

The second coming
A forgotten disgrace
Why must we suffer
While others are safe

You butcher the words
That spew from your lips
The word of the lord
According to you

You have to stop
There can be no more
You have to drop
For there will be no more

Endings are beginnings
Is what they all say
Yet now that you're dead
I wish I could’ve filled you with led

You can cry
But there can be no more
You have to die
So there will be no more of you

“Let me live another day”
That’s what they all say
“Let me have another chance”
Is what they say before they’re lanced

Throw my life into the fire
Watch it burn like funeral pyre
Beneath the mud within the mire
Watch me sink into barbed wire

Over the fence and around the bend
It’s almost like I’m at wits end
Without family or a friend
It’s almost like it’s all pretend

Wish away what makes me sane
Why should I need to explain
The ways in which I live in vain
Existence is a terminal bane

Fireplace, the place for me
It’s not for you, just wait and see
Watch my clothes burn quietly
My last words might not surprise me
Yet it’ll leave you in ruins

For as long as I remember
You’ll still be known
But once I meet a similar fate
You’ll be thought of as a waste of space

Live to forget
Learn to forgive
Live to forget
Die in regret

You’re life was nothing special
But you meant the world to me
But once you’re gone forever
There’s nothing else to see

Live to forget
Learn to forgive
Live to forget
Die in regret

I don’t want you to be forgotten
But there’s no one else who cares
No one wants to be lost to time
Yet the same can’t be said for me

Sacked and dragged to an endless room
Still awaiting impending doom
Thought I’d see a crazed old man
But instead the men in black, they stand

Shackled in chains
Mouth shut, duct tape
Dragged down in vain
Try to stay sane

They put me in front of an old TV
They roll the tape in front of me
They shot my dog for all to see

They electrocute me on odd intervals
They torture me as if I’m the evil one
They gain pleasure from my distress
Once blood dripped down
They say I’ve made a mess

I’ve done nothing wrong
I have nothing to hide
But If they won’t believe me
I’d much rather die

They want answers that I don’t know
They’ve gone too far to let me go
They’ll break my bones from head to toe
They’ll reap a harvest never sown

Salvaging what’s left of me
But I don’t even know what I’m looking for
I’m trying to get back to it
But there was nothing really left to it

I can’t describe how empty I feel
Trying to put my life back together
I can’t survive if nothing gets better
So I look to the stars and I kneel

Salvage the joy that I once felt
Salvage the memories that I still repent
Salvage the ways that keep me okay
For nothing really ends just the same

I can’t describe how empty I feel
Trying to put my life back together
I can’t survive if nothing gets better
So I look to the stars and I kneel

There’s nothing there
There’s nothing left
There’s nothing
Nothing

Too little people
Roam the land
Questioning things
That most defend

Hang the gallows
Distort the truth
Extort the money
Corrupt the youth

Most ignore it
As false prophets do
The communication
Of ignorant fools

Among the few
Who oppose the many
We wonder who’s left
Or even if any

We continue to try
Yet we know it’s too late
Now and forever
All for the state

When dreams feel more real than life itself
You know you’re living a nightmare

I couldn’t tell you
What is real

I Board up the windows
So I can be free
I can’t tell you what time
‘Cause TV’s the only light I’ll ever see

Dopamine from endless dreams
No life, no soul, no way to leave
It’s almost like I don’t wanna breathe

…

Hanging from the chandelier
The noose and I are getting near
I’m fading out, I cannot hear
I cannot tell you if I’m here

Why must I live through medication?
Why can’t I live with my temptation?
To give up on prescription drugs
And live life as it was

Why can’t I find a normal way
To get through the day
Without draining away
In insufferable pain?

Why can’t I eat like I used to?
When I wanted to
Just looking at food
Makes me want to hurl

Wasting away to get through the day
It’s nothing but pain, just to stay sane
I don’t want to die old and afraid
Just let me be me and make me insane

Let me pretend
That you are my friend
Let me believe
That you would have grieved
‘Cause when I am dead
There is no pretend
And there will be no end

You don’t exist
It’s all in my head
But when I am with you
We can pretend

Leave me be
He can’t hurt me
There’s nothing you can do
To follow through
‘Cause he’ll never leave me
So what if I have no one true

I don’t exist
It’s all in your head
But when you are with me
You are my friend

Come with me
Hide the truth
It’s time for you
To go…

I evermore know now
That Christ’s wounds will suffice
I shall wound myself no further
For He bore them all for me

A lifetime of sin contrived
Yet He has payed the price
I sing you now a requiem
For a suicide that will never be

I was happier
Sometime in the past
And now I can’t remember
They never seem to last

I got myself a razor
Got myself a laugh
I’ve got a sense of mania
And I’ll treat it like a gaff

I cut into my soul
I do it every day
I wish it hurt more often
It’s my favorite escape

Relief is what I’m after
From all the pain before it
And all the pain thereafter

They’ll put you in a cage
With butterfly bandaids
You can try to escape
But with broken wings you’ll stay

They’ll hold you there until you’re better
If you get worse they’ll restrain you further
None of this made sense with time
I’m no one’s threat but mine

With each turn of the page
It’ll make you enraged
You can try to stay sane
But with books and poems you’ll hate

They’ll hold you there until you’re better
If you get worse they’ll restrain you further
None of this made sense with time
I’m no one’s threat but mine

The world is just a bigger cage
With people just as bad and deranged
I cannot ever seem to escape
With all of my actions caught on tape

As your bandaids fall
And as time seems to stop
You realize you’re never free
Until you’re dead and deceased

I never hurt anybody else
I never hurt a soul
I never hurt the ones I loved
The ones that never learned to love me

I wear flannels in the summer
To hold my insecurities in
Cause the times I cut my arm
Were no one’s business but mine

White scars scream surrender
I’ll be dead before they fade
So I wear different color flannels
For different kinds of days

The last thing I see before bed
As I’m reaching for the lights
Is a reflection of my past self
A reflection of the lies

There is nothing wrong with me
Or the silly things I did
There is nothing left to see
I saw it all as a kid

The mental scars sweep in
After I’m forced to see what I did
And I’ve seen things I hated then
And things I learned to hate in the end

Summertime flannels
They all ask why
“Aren’t you hot in that?”
As I’m dying on the inside

There’s too many scars to count
Too many times I’ve slipped away
To the corner of my room
And cried the night away

They say it gets better
“It gets better with time”
Yet never means never
I’ll end it on a dime

One wrong move
One wrong slip of the wrist
To cut into my soul
And bleed out into the abyss

You took what you could get
Never gave what was found
You were never one to bet
Yet the gun made your last sound

Although it never was your intention
You were already set to die
In the fire you set
On your castle of lies

So much for inheritance
The one good thing that could derive
From the kind of world you lived in
The one you burnt alive

With nothing to be given
And no family to reprise
You made quite a fortune
Worth nothing when you died

My body is a temple
A temple made of pencils
And the longer that I live
The duller that it gets

So I take out my sharpener
And press it to my skin
And if anyone notices
I’ll commit life’s greatest sin

If I were a pencil
I’d fill myself with led
‘Cause in the end
Graphite will pretend

But since I am human
I’ll have to wait it out
Or at least I’ll wait
Until I break again

On the Moon there is a crater
Upon which I stand
Like the crushed pale skull
Atop the last grain of sand

One small step for man
Too many falls to decide
It’s the undiscovered land
Upon which I hide

One giant leap off a cliff
In a park with a lake
Never once did I question
What’s left at stake

And the sun is a fire
Around which I’ll burn
It’ll outlast me
I just wish it ended on my terms

Lying in my bed
Wishing I were dead
Hanging by a thread
I’d fill my head with lead

But I’d never do it
I’d never commit
Nor would I admit
Why can’t I just quit?
Why must my life be full of it?

Who can I trust?
With what’s unjust
I’ll be in disgust
As I fill my head with lust

Dreaming of a painless death
Anytime will do
Dreaming of a final breath
For which I must pursue

My last words must be grand
For my life is what’s at hand
And they will not understand
My ultimate command

Lock the door with yourself inside
There’s no one home
You’ve done this many times

Take out the same old blade
Encrusted in your crimson guise
You’ll never truly be the same
You know things never change

Scattered bloodied tissues
Meticulous, deliberate
Purposeful and keen

Your blade is dull
Your cup, overflowing
You’ve never gone this far before
You’ve rendered life annul

Something about the way
The cut goes from white to red
I can’t help but stay
As the blood fills the crevices

Drooling pools into the sink
I remember it so vividly
When scabs turn into scars of pink
Then white again

Oh, what will they think if they find out?
They’ll think I’m back in that place again
The place where I don’t want to live
A place where there’s nothing more to give

I remember searching for the rope
Reminiscing all the ways I used to cope
I seem to be fixated evermore
On breaking skin but not the core

Why can’t I be happy and still cut?
Why can’t they just keep their mouths sewn shut?
There just isn’t any more that I can do

I get so bored I think I’m going to come full circle once again

I keep a diary
Sealed with tears from my eye
The chronicles of chronic pain
Only proves that I should die

I go to blink
And every time I do
I feel the pain that I once felt
When my eye was stabbed right through

And I spy
With my one eye
A gun on the kitchen table
That I’m not afraid to use

So I write my final entry
And I do it all preeminently
To replace the diary with the gun
I know that it will not be fun