She wore all black on occasions
When the mourning and grief felt inside had to be shown outwards
Cares and concerns not her own
Rivers of the burdens of silent tears and prayers
The blood of the innocent cries out to the hearts and minds of those that know more than they say
The struggle is real somewhere else your struggle is a matter of choices
Go ahead and numb your pain since it's too much for you to handle
Working towards changing for the better.
Little do you know that it can't be found inside of you.
She wore all black on occasions
To show her respects for the dead and the living who hadn't yet realized how dead they are.

I'll start breathing again
& release this exhale
From the hell that it came from
Like swallowing nails
I inhaled every smell
And like fire it stunk
I was a tree
You were mean
How you burned down my trunk
But it's done
It's all done
I'm not worried about you
& the noise that you made
drilling holes in your truth
I'm not stressed out or cold
I'm not bitter or sad
What we had was an accident
Now it's gone & I'm glad
I can stand up with excellence
I got you off of my back
Like I lost 1000 pounds
That I never want back

Wall one: Lack of trust
How can I tell someone anything when I see that they aren't really listening?
Wall two: Anxiety
The tiniest bit of worry paralyzes me.
Wall three: Pain/dissapointments/failure
This is where I cry my heart out.
Wall four: Doubt
Doubt trumps them all taking my motivation.

The good thing about walls though is that there is a floor or ground and there is a ceiling or opening.

Beneath the walls is my foundation which is Love. I can rise knowing that love is beneath me.
Above me is hope. I can reach out to a helping hand or I can climb out on my own, because inside me is peace, joy, belief, and faith.

~S.M.S

I refuse:
To lay in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks like rivers of pain from shame.
To allow anyone else to put their hands on me and use their strength to over power me.
To allow my kindness to look over the pain constantly brought to me when I give in.
To allow my insecurity and low self-esteem to control my actions and ruin any good that comes my way.
To give up my life as in my existence so that someone else's evil can continue on.
I refuse to go on that way!
I refuse:
To die because of the pain I feel from loss everyday.
To be a coward.
To forget who I am.

~S.M.S

The drive was a little over four hours. Halfway there I could tell she was getting tired.

"Are you ready to go see your daddy Jay?" "Yes!" She replied, wearing a big smile. Next thing I know she's passed out.

The rest of the drive wore thin and I was nervous. We made it into town right around the time I said we would.

Looking for his house i was confused a little by the numbers on the houses but I found it soon enough. Pulling into the driveway my stomach turned over. I put the car in park and just sat there for a little while. Unsure if anyone was home I put it in reverse to leave and come back later. As I started to drive forward there he was standing at the door. I parked in front of the house then and said, "look jay, there's your daddy." She exclaimed, "Daddy!"

He came and picked her up out of her carseat, carrying her back up to the house. Unfortunately for me, I was parked in a no parking zone and needed to move my car so I missed the look his face had made. I wonder if he smiled or if he cringed. I'll never know.

What was once a mundane physical aspect of being human and part animal to relieve the body and mind of stress and toxins has become a movement that is unfathomable.

We work on so many levels
You work laboriously; always going during the day
I work my brain and emotions mostly
It's all taxing on our bodies
You're tired
I'm tired
We work on so many levels
Massaging each others sore muscles
Cooking each other meals
Cleaning up with and for each other
We work on so many levels
It's more than a touch, a whisper
More than a kiss, a lay
It's a vibration
It's a frequency
When our bodies touch our souls take hold
I can hear a melody in the breaths we take and the kisses we make
accompanied by the harmony of our heart beats

I sensed this all last night
as you massaged my legs, back, and arms
fully clothed I felt completely naked
with no scars or blemishes I've earned in this life
Perfectly whole as we were one
This must be what intimacy feels like on a grand scale

Like a Sensational Orchestra

How is it that I can dream
Fill my heart and mind with thoughts
so alluring and grand that my whole
world changes in an instant