Lawren

Lawren Nov 2011

Ready

Wrapped around myself
Squeezed tightly inside my
Amniotic sac of problems

My ankles-- pressed deeply
Into the backs of my thighs

My shoulders-- crammed together

My eyes-- dark and cloudy mirrors
Of their surroundings

No air to breathe
No space to move
Save me from this cell

I need the light

My eyes are going blind!

I need the air

My lungs are collapsing!

I need to be free.
I am ready.

Lawren Nov 2011

Me

Free
From the army of my needs
The wholeness of my being is
Alone.

No longer tied down
Strapped
Against the mirror
But free to be
The most genuine me.

Expressing,
Identifying,
Through the bow
Pressed against the strings

Through the laugh
Erupting from my heart
Caught
Like a contagious virus
From a child.
I am me. And me is I.
And that is all that we can be.

Lawren Nov 2011

Undone

I float and watch helplessly
as I tap the umbilical cord
into motion around my neck;
cutting off my air,
blinding my eyes to reality.

Passive death by my own hand.

I am left to bounce around
my dank surroundings blind and foodless
until someone cuts me out.

It is not until I am saved from myself
that the cord is severed,
the knot untied.

It is not until I am saved from myself,
cut from my dark environment,
the knot unraveled,
that I realize
my small tap has not
my life undone.

Lawren Nov 2011

The Calm

Tossed, like cars,
By the winds of my hurricane
Are the little pieces of me.
Moving from here to there
To here to there,
I am scouring for it.
From deep inside my eye,
I long for it.
Crave it.
Envious of the calm waters,
I make them turbulent.
At times a stillness emerges from within.
Though eerie, anemic.
Without destruction there is no dispersion.

Lawren Nov 2011

Blank

Blank stare
into blank space
I see nothing
but everything.

As my mind wanders
the dark corners of the room,
my ears pic up the
distant conversation
of the couple beside me.

I am lost inside my head.

Spinning quickly
on an axis slightly below five degrees.

Tied behind the white straight jacket
of my skull,
rest my thoughts,
fighting to be free
yet potentially dangerous to themselves and others.

Lawren Nov 2011

Knots

Tied like strings
Across the shoes of time,
Are the vocal chords of my soul.

Distress travels from my tired heart
To my lips,
Pinned open,
Through which silent screams erupt.

Ravenous for compassion and love,
I deprive myself of food and contact.

I am alone,
Save the company of my physical being.

My body speaks
But I cannot

For if I do,
Not only will the knots come undone
But as will I.

— The End —