The cascading crackle of thunder booms while
lightning is bright against the gray sky.
Rain crashes
like pouring a continuous bucket of water over the entire city.
Drowning the world below in sheets of wet and cold.

The lights flicker a few times
before going out
completely.

I'm accompanied by my closest companions.
Darkness and Silence.
They are here often.
They know they are welcome.

Darkness is an endless pit
I've stumbled upon
and fallen into.

Silence has always been with me.
Controlled me as though I were a
puppet, and she the
puppeteer.

They have become my only friends.
Forcing me away from "real" people.

But it's alright.
I've gotten used to being
Alone.

So here we sit,
accompanying one another.

*Darkness, Silence, and Alone

You told me my smile told you everything
The depth of my dimples,
The squintyness of my eyes.
          
          It all told you everything
          It told you what I was thinking and feeling.
          It told you my desires and needs.
          It spoke things my words could not.
                    
                    It said simple things too.
                    How much sleep I had gotten
                    If I had watched the sunrise,
                    If I had chosen tea over coffee,
                    If I had read the newspaper.

And this is why -you said- this is why you hated
to see me anything but happy.

          Because when I wasn't happy,
          my smile told you I was faking it.

                   And you hated being lied to.

You had the demeanor of an *******.
A self absorbed, selfish ****.

But from the first few moments I saw you,
I couldn't stop the yearning I felt
to introduce myself.

Because if I hadn't,
I'd feel terrible that I had judged you so harshly,
without even trading a word.

So I did.
And before I knew it,
I had some stupid school girl crush on you.

I never said anything.
It was quite obvious
but I would never admit to it.

                    We became close friends,
                    exchanged secrets.
                    I told you things that struck emotions in me.
                    You were surprised.
                   you have emotions?
                    although it was a joke, we both heard the pang of truth.

                    You showed me sides of you no one else saw.
                    The compassionate you.
                    The depressed you.
                    The caring you.
            
                    With just words, we had established this relationship that we continued to build upon.
                    But no matter how much we told each other,
                    we never spoke of our feelings that we felt for one another.
                    As a result, I was unsure of myself around you.

                    One day, curiosity struck you.
                    You began questioning me.
                    We trekked into territory that both of us had avoided.

                                        Eventually I told you.
                                        The seven words escaped my mouth before I could stop them,
                                        like on a windy day,
                                        when you try to keep the **** hat on your head
                                        but it still gets away.
                                        All of the repressed emotions emptied themselves
                                        into these seven words:

                                        I LOVE YOU, OKAY?
                                         ....i love you.

The tears followed quickly.
A flowing stream down my cheeks.
because I had never thought you'd feel the same
and I could not handle the vulnerability
of loving someone.

                    You held me.
                    And allowed me to rest my weary head
                    on your broad, muscular chest.
                    Your heartbeat soothed me
                    and as the tears stopped,
                    you pierced my eyes, with yours.
                    A dark, serious look crossed over the green gold sea of your irises.

                                        You whispered seven words,
                                         mostly to yourself.
                                         but I heard them, because if I hadn't
                                         I wouldn't have felt like a swarm of butterflies were
                                         trying to escape my stomach.

*It's fine. Because I love you too.

The wind blows harder up here,
As though it is trying to push
these skyscrapers toppling over.

The air is purer,
easier on the nose.
The normal gas fumes from the city buses
and the polluted, busy streets don't threaten to strangle you
when you're too high for them to reach.

The people are tiny.
Like ants in chaos,
scrambling
because you accidentally set a foot
on their grainy mound.

The sounds are distant.
Taxi horns' blow sounds like squeaks of mice
while construction workers' jack hammers mimic wood peckers.

Clouds suffocate the sky,
smothering the sunlight,
refusing to let it shine as it should.

Temptation sneaks up on me,
beckoning me
over the edge of the building.

Would it be such a bad idea?
Just one move, that's all it would take.
No effort required at all.

I picture myself jumping,
as I have multiple times before.

The wind in my hair,
gravity pulling me in,
the free falling feeling in my stomach.

And at this point,
Temptation almost makes me do it,
End it all.
But I decide against it.
And even though I have won
once again,
I still feel
defeated.