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 Dec 2013 Celeste
silent
angry is an easy emotion
it's easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
aggravation is an easy emotion
easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
annoyance is an easy emotion
easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
it's sadness that's the hardest
it's not easy to feel
when bed seems like the only place you're accepted
or when the simple task of breathing is daunting
how could that be easy?
it's not easy to describe
how do you tell someone you're dying inside
when you've been laughing all day?
how do you tell someone the sobs that attack your body
during the darkness & silence of the night?
how could it be easy to describe?
it's not easy to tame
how do you overcome the yearning for sleep? for death?
how do you overcome the blanket of numb that threatens everything
whether it be your movements or your process of thought?
how do you overcome something with so much influence?
how could it be easy to overcome?
 Dec 2013 Celeste
silent
your new jacket looks nice but i'd never say it

was it because i'm better at math?

she doesn't deserve you

but i'm funny! i think

i was never good enough

why her?

i don't want to be the one that changes you but it kills me that you're changing for her

i have redeeming qualities

it's her **** isn't it

when i found out my mom had cancer you were the first to know...
and at that point we hated each other. what about now?

i liked awkward freshman you, where was she then?

i don't have a ****, but i like good music
and sure i don't smoke like her
or drink like her
or have friends like her
or do sports like her
but i'm me and that's good too... right?

i give good gifts

he doesn't compare to you

or maybe you just don't care

maybe he's better for me

it's the way i dress?

i'm better for you

or no, maybe it's the way i want to take you shopping
and change how you dress

what's wrong with me

i'm not pretty enough?
 Dec 2013 Celeste
maybella snow
it has been a few days
since I have felt the
pleasure of pain
and oh how I
miss that sting
rush of adrenaline
a wide awakening
and harsh coloring
but oh how I
miss that sting

blood bleeds red                    
just as my heart beats          
dead
 Dec 2013 Celeste
featherfingers
If I had to guess
I'd taste like hot tea and cigarettes--
bittersweet and grey
with a menthol burst.
I'm a coughing fit
at 4am, when you're too cold
to sleep and lonely again.

If I had the guts to guess,
I'm the itch in your solar plexus
just south of your heart
and insignificant,
until the arctic wind sweeps
the breath from lungs
in a hazy puff of body heat.

It sounds terrible,
cancerous , at best,
but if you asked me to guess
(since you'll never let me know)
I'd bet your kiss, too,
tastes like hot tea and cigarettes
in the middle of the night.
This is what happens when I procrastinate during finals week lolololololol
 Dec 2013 Celeste
featherfingers
So this is Christmas
and what have you done?

John purrs the question
through tiny
crackling speakers
begging responsibility
from the irresponsible at best,
begging for peace
and a season of rest.

I lost a war, John;

I tripped on hope and arrogance
and earned forty six new badges
of valor;
I fell from the rafters of a fantasy bridge
to the cold reality beneath
and I broke bones--
ribs and femurs,
radii and hum'rouses.

I have met Marc Antonys and Brutuses,
Pagliachis and Heathcliffs,
and met them in myself.
I have sobbed into futons
ripe with nachos and socks
and I curled in another's arms
wishing they were yours.

I have loved and lost
and saw God in a graveyard;
come down from dopamine dreams
to black widows in my sheets.
I have tried and failed and given up,
found the one mistake
I'll always make
and the one perfume I'll always hate.

I lost a war
I never had the guts to fight.
So this is Christmas, John,
and I'm still a mess.
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