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Carabella Apr 2019
Let me tell you a story of a girl...
She was born in a small quaint town in the hills of the Appalachians. From a young age she witnessed a many tragedy. The appeasement of feminine power to the masculine. The absurdity in separation of dogma. The fruitlessness of quarrels. The ugliness of racism... She often fled to the woods in hope to find peace. She found it; sheltered neatly in the wild surrounds,  she dreamt of what life would have been like when dinosaurs roamed and nature ruled. Before mans ideologies and fear mongering. She climbed over fallen trees and rustled through the crumpled leaves that lined the forest floor. She tasted of the plants and learned of their unique qualities. The sweet taste of honeysuckle. How sometimes she would meet some plants that would sting with subtle harshness; itch and inflame the skin; though in such a non personal way. She never feared nature... no mountain lion, bear, or snake... they were her and she were they; the source energy-Prana, QI, whatever title you’d like to give it. She was free up there; in the undulating foliage. Amongst the the pine and rhododendrons. What happened to that girl? To the wonderfully connected free spirit? Fast forward ten years and she is but a fraction of that girl. Although she has grown older; the distance widens. She cares less about escaping into the woods and befalls comfort in chemicals. The high that she once found in the shades of deep red, glowing orange, vibrant yellow-the colours of fall... now she seeks to find them in bottles of poison, pharmaceuticals... it can only lead to her downfall; and it did... time and time again she seeks this empty void. She separates herself even further from nature and throws herself into the vacant trap of slavery. Slavery of course, being the imaginary cage you settle into. Money, accolades, success.... Stress becomes the norm and the wonderful world that she had once imagined becomes complete fairy stories.... made for children... lost amongst mortgages, consumption, and failure... On one fated morning she awakes from a deep sleep. The world was no longer how she had left it the previous night. Something had changed. She no longer cared about the surface; the thing that caused her to escape and fear. She searched relentlessly for meaning; the meaning of life and purpose. She found herself once again, seeking nature to provide the answers. She remembered all the books her mother had read. Tapped into a higher state of consciousness not known to her before. She was led to the esoteric world; of tarot and energy healers. She partook in their gifts with an open mind and heart. What she experienced was unique; and powerful. She felt a great need for healing; herself and the world. She reached out to all forms of mysticism and magic. For the mysteries of the natural world became more fascinating than fiction. She set about understanding more than surface knowledge and began diving deep into the astral body. That is where she exists now... in the present.
Carabella Apr 2019
Someone had to hold the mirror up to you at some point,  and show you the magnificent being that exists within your reflection. I am humbled to have held the mirror for you.
Carabella Mar 2019
What is it that you are chasing? Perhaps all of the things you seek are exactly the things that you do not share? If you seek love, give more love. If you seek understanding; divulge enough to let others in. If you seek freedom; allow yourself peace of mind. Stop withholding your lighthouse, for fear of being alone in rough seas. Lay down the fear of being hurt and abandoned: when you surrender fully-then and only then, will you find calm waters.
Carabella Mar 2019
Tonight, you looked me in the eyes and told me that I was not worthy. Worthy of discussion, of love, and your acceptance. For I am now understanding that my worth is something far beyond the confines of what you consider to be valuable. Go ahead, place on me a price tag. Mark me down to whatever value necessary to excuse your cruelty. How much are you worth? Every tear-that’s for sure; Every sleepless night, every broken thought. I honestly thought you loved me; but your love was cheap. Cheap like your reactions. Rigid like your conditions. Unworthy like me.
#neveragain
Carabella Feb 2019
Shine your light- the dark nights and shadows provide needed depth to the golden days, however, do not mistake that it is within the light where truths are found and we become awakened.
Carabella Feb 2019
I am missing you.
The little green dot on messenger means you are active-the only solace I find in your absence.
I wonder if you are looking at my green dot. Are you imagining me lying in bed typing this now? Could you imagine our bodies soft; arms outstretched to find each other as we wake from a sound sleep? Could you feel our hearts synchronised, beating one passionate rhythm; as if it were a metronome timing our gestures in a divine composition?
Like medieval armour, I too have weak points which make me vulnerable and susceptible to injury. This is the very reason I must show restraint. For I am afraid that if I get to close, if I let go, fully.... the green dot will go away.
Carabella Feb 2019
Interesting idea but probably not realistic
N
ot going to speak this out loud
Fact is, they will probably think I’m crazy
A
strange wanting to be nearer
Time to deep dive and reflect on this
U
nclear from the chemicals dopamine, seratonin, & norepinephrine
Annoying really, especially because it’s not convenient
T
ruly wanting to know what they feel
Ignorant to the signs
O
nly person that seems to “get me”
Nearly at my wits end but smitten
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