It's not to hard to notice, or even hard to see,
To witness your pure intention, in the way you look at me.

To feel your light unbridled, when we sing and when we play, I must admit, it's hard to sit, when you start dancing I melt away.

Your smile, your touch, your grounding embrace, it feels so safe, like home.
I will not stray, a promise I can make... a feeling I have never known.

Looking at the clock it's 11:11.. numbers I often see, Thanking the universe with gratitude, for bringing you close to me.

I can't know the future......  but the present is very clear!!!! The biggest highlight of my journey, was  meeting you this year.

With each day passing, my heart opens wider: I make space, and time anew... growing closer and deeper into our purpose.

As I love and honour you.

It may be said that we reap what we sew:
We learn from mistakes, we dig and we grow.
We choose and we feed, what we think that we need, and somehow wind up, just planting a seed.

I remember back when, I was strong and brave,
Courageous was I, never bow or behave.
But like a gazelle, I am down, and weak;
In the mouth of a lion, I tremble and shake.

How did I get here? So tired and scared:
A fork in the road, confused and ensnared.
What is wrong with me? I sigh to myself;
I've not done anything wrong, I'm just being myself! But perhaps thats the problem, myself is just wrong, never accepted for me, have to change to belong.

I will no longer alter myself to be loved, will not place anyone, ahead or above:
No sacrifice made of myself for another, I choose myself and seek to discover.

A gazelle I was, but now I am not.
A lion roars loudly..... I haven't forgot!!!!

Today I took the shirt you gave me to the Op Shop.
I deleted every email, every text, every photo.
I may not be able to erase your memory: but I no longer want to be reminded.

I feel peaceful here.
Amongst the dogs and ferns.
The wind ripples through the tall gums.
A silent melody. Gods whisper.

You have it down to a fine art,
How you can compartmentalize your heart.
But you and I both know the truth,
You are weak, you are insecure, you are terribly confused.
You lack the courage to truly share:
So you withold and hope that I'll forgive.
But you treat others so unfair,
And bear witness to the destruction that you create.
You took the wind right out of my sails
And painted the masterpiece of chaos and doubt.
You were cruel and cowardice, in all of your tales,
I love you, I choose you, I want to be with you....
The Rembrandt, in the art of betrayal.

Yes I still dream about you.
And when I awake I have to hold back tears.
You are much more loving in my dreams than you ever were in real life.

So I guess you are going to make me the villian now?
I'm not surprised, but still it hurts.
You know that I was genuine. That my love was real and unconditional.
Think whatever it is that you need to in order to move on, to finally get your "closure."
You are a coward.
So afraid to face yourself. So afraid to be honest with your own reflection.
Hope the bed you made is comfortable.

You make me weak.
Still I seek you out, no doubt, it's complete.
Madness. Sadness. Destruction.
Obstructing my eyes, the two of swords.
No relief in sight.
I might, try to move on. I fight but it's strong.
Your pull. Am I a fool?
To care? Unaware, you have probably already lost hope. A ship to float? Or sink!
On the brink of losing myself. You've placed me on a shelf. To high, you're out of reach.
A breach. Of trust you used deceit to defeat me.
Do you need me? Do you see me?
Or are you just seeking revenge?
Unable to make amends, I cannot see through this muddled lense. Oh please, release me.
You are my kryptonite.

Take that mask from off your face, you know I can see right through you.
Your truth you will never replace, your soul is screaming out.
You know you cannot hide the pain, however hard you try.
You'll live the rest of your days insane, until the day you die.
To go against your inner voice, you welcome hurt and danger.
You know that you can make the choice: I don't have to be a stranger.
You are so afraid to grasp at love, though it's here and always will be.
It is a gift from God above, so take it, and rest easy.

Two individuals, one vibration.
A feeling of home, the ultimate rest.
A strong temptation,  a genuine test.
Two hearts that beat the same, however far they stray.
Eyes that see to the depths of the soul, and refuse to look away.
You feel the tears when they fall down their cheek, your pain is theirs, and theirs is yours.
Open doors to other dimensions, you communicate in dreams.
Attraction so intense, like super novas exploding in the abyss.
Sealed with a kiss, beyond time and space.
You can be the runner darling, I'm quite happy to chase.
As long as I know that light at the end of the tunnel darling, will be your lovely face.
Our insecurities show, like a bad tattoo, but we accept with no conditions.
Intentions set, we will sustain.
Until we meet again.

The grief it comes in waves. How is ones heart expected to heal with such an unpredictable path? Some days it feels as if I am okay, that I have accepted our plight, and other days I can feel the pain so raw, bubbling up into my throat, choking as I grasp for air. On these days I have to let the tears flow and shed the memories and the reality of not having you here. Though you are still on this earth. I guess that's what hurts the most.

Along the river we sit. Sun, gently grazing tan skin. The sound of water riding rough over rocks with green permeating through our bones and sinew. A calling. To live freely in this moment. Toes tucked into sandy banks. Water cold, but life giving. Refreshing my spirit with an inner depth. A deeper connection. I can feel you in the wind as you slowly kiss my cheek. The hairs on my arm stand up straight, alert and sensing your divine presence. Oh Gaia, mother, hold me in the light of your sacred palm. Breathe into me the secret knowledge of the wild ones and instill the gentle calm that only you can offer. The muted granite and rocky outcrops paint a picture of true awakening. In this moment. Calling loud but a gentle whisper. She says, "Be here now."

You came back into my life and in an instant you were gone again. You said you weren't gone... But the distance is palpable. To have you so close within my reach. What could I have said? Maybe what I did say... To help chase you away. The stars aren't as bright. The moon hangs low. The sun isn't as warm and the days drag on a sluggish pace.

I led you deep inside my heart, but still, you could not stay:
To real and raw, are these emotions, our fears was our dismay.
Too many years we have seen pass; our lives are much to full.
To allow in one untimely intruder: to dismantle would be a fool.
Still love is boundless like the sea: an ocean deep and blue.
Over rivers and rocks, and ticking clocks, a crystal or a jewel?
But time can mend the unspoken truth: our departure on the shore:
Rational and frank our choice discussions:
Healing into our core.
Perhaps one-day we can lean in, and speak as lovers do.
But until that day, beloved friend.
We must turn and say adieu.

I wanted to erase you.
For a time....the memories of you come whirling through my mind like a tornado through a valley.
I shed a tear for each long year without you..
That passes on this pale blue dot.
Caught in a sea of tumultuous tides,
I ride...
Emotions rise and peak: I greet your memory, head down. In disbelief.
I wanted to erase you.
Yet, here you are. Mocking me in photos. Smiling in laughter that rings so pure.
You look happy. I feel anger.
Sit tight in this moment. I need to feel these moments.
I want so much to erase you....

I am standing alone…. outside by worn and withered paths;
To dark and treacherous undergrowth:
My thoughts soo deep, run to the bone,
In awe of wonder, dreams of hope:
My first AA meeting is next week;
The battle of trauma sits just above my head;
Generational wounds must I meet;
In fear, In pain, in silence, in dread:
To take the next step, after 20 long years;
An addict I am, and will always be;
How will I now replace the tears?
How will I allow myself to feel?
Without substance to dull the pathway to free?
What shall I do when the unease sets in?
Shall I meditate or go within?
What if I don’t like what I see?
What if I don’t like being me?
Perhaps that’s why I’ve abused substances all of these years;
To cover my anxiety and depression with beers;
Cocktails and wines, and drugs of all kinds;
Never filled the void; but numbed it at times;
Too much thinking but not enough care;
My body is a temple but has been treated unfair;
Too many of us, seeking the ease; never knowing that we are filled with disease.
I’ve today made a choice, to live day by day;
To live life in the present, not tomorrow or yesterday;
To use my voice for laughter and love;
To harness the energy of abundance and say…… I am an addict, while that is quite true; I will no longer let it rule me…. Not ever again.

The more you laugh the more I fall; or rise in love to speak;
The more I see your adoring face;
The thoughts could make me weak.
But you nor I could we match; the vibration of together;
No man or woman ever alive,
Could’ve ever known me better.
Was it real, I ask myself; looking back or far above;
Maybe the fact is just that....
I just love to be in love.

Sitting here playing my ukulele, hearing the birds sing the tunes; a melodic interlude. The spangled drongo sounds it’s unique call; overall it’s a good day.

By all accounts life is pleasant; loved ones are safe and no need to escape. Reality is quite kind; after all of these years.

No fears, no worries; no hurry. To get to the next place. Calm mind, free time. To write this momentary uttering.

Pen back to paper after several long months. Adjusting to the new balanced me. The ordinary and somewhat boring me. The words don’t seem to flow like they used to. But it’s a start.

Last week, I screamed into a pillow.
All the fear, rage, and resentment.
It lasted only a few minutes.
How interesting it is.. for days I have been wondering.
Will I surrender? It was a moment of grief.
Grief for me... for you.... for the whole.
A beautiful release. From days and years of undoing. For months and weeks of overthinking. For lives not yet living.
I scream and cry into this pillow. Close to death I’m sure. Take me.

Hey you, why are you sad?
I think you should be glad, to have, a life so full.
Don’t be a fool.
I think you should know, that you are an incredible human.
You’re not such a tool: you’re pretty cool;
You’re so brilliant!
So don’t hide your light, from the world: because what we need now is more presence.
Please don’t compete.  
You’re more than enough.
Always enough.

Hey you, you should be glad. Life’s not that bad; so don’t consume your mind with doubt.

I think you should know that you are an incredible human; not in a bind-you’re much to kind; you’re so vibrant.

So don’t criticise yourself right now:
Because what we need now is more grace;
As to what I see..
You’re more than enough.
Always enough.

Love freely. Forgive easily. Be authentic. Question everything. Be inspired. Listen carefully. Breathe. Trust. Meditate. Exercise. Be humble. Be grateful. Surrender. Eat well. Balance emotions. Practice non attachment. Teach wisely. Earn your keep. Be conscious of thought; Be careful with impulse. Hug someone everyday. Smile more. Help those in need. Stand in your power. Learn to disconnect. Learn to connect. Be brave. Be sustainable. Organise yourself and others. Lead by example. Love yourself. Empower. Be open to change. Know what you don’t want. Get out of your way. Make magic.

The Present. Wrapped in paper tearing apart plastic and taper; our surface selves. Placed on a shelf. Look within. Underneath the wrapping. Deceitful trappings open up to reality. What hasty duality it seems to produce... A casualty perhaps? Unmarked and brave they seem to cruise. Through jagged edges and barbed wire encased these souls are bleeding in vain. Geometric and calculated footage they’re in square areas defined. Segregated from population. Why and how they got here they do not know. A product of evolution; our hearts shutter. Can we really have free will? Are they really at fault?

Two immense ships collide in the peaked waves of turbulent seas. Wreckage scattered across the hull and where the deck used to lie: bits of broken dreams in hopes of pink skies. The captain is lost in silent thought and disappointment as he sees his beloved instrument torn and twisted. Bent to disarray with no hope of salvage. He cannot do it again. His strong hands with eager reverie all too quick to rebuild the fragmented core still showed youth and vigour.  Yet his heart, too battered and bruised could not fully accept his hands will. In that instance, he had forgotten his purpose. The haste and longing to be a part of his fleet once more-the camaraderie of kinship and sweet melodic rhythms of the seas failed to lull his mind as he floated softly away.....

You found my video.

It wasn't that bad: yes, a bit awkward but I had never done that before.
You laughed at me... said I looked like a drug addict... Then you said it was just a joke - that you were having a giggle.... That I am too wrapped up in myself.

Why do I care so much? Why does it bother me to have your acceptance? Why do I look for other's approval instead of valuing my own opinion?

I am doing the self work: these questions I ask myself and allow the subconscious and conscious mind to guide.

I care because I love you.  Why do I love you?

After years of sharing your life with someone: all thoughts, laughter, and sorrow;
You sit back in fear of the unknown,
What will you think: who will you be tomorrow?
You bare your soul on an email because when you say the words out loud, It’s as though someone else is speaking.

But I want to hear you speak even if your voice shakes.
As words sputter and breath is scarce;
I want to see the shame and failure on your face...
I need to know you once had loved me for goodness sake....
You walk in jovial from work, like nothing had taken place.
The presence of our once happy union-too soon will be erased.
You sat down and poured a glass of whiskey: letting go really isn’t that hard.... it would seem.

It's with great optimism that one day my fellow primates may realise just how fortunate their lives are. With love and education being the driving force, continuing progress. Treating each other with the same respect that we individually demand yet understand the rhetoric that we have been taught to be true is untrue. It is here where we are not alone. Phantasmagorically searching for our happiness and rest. We are a species nothing more; that can and will determine the future of our existence..our place in the cosmos. Such a responsibility.....treat it as such.

The one thing that we humans  possess is a consciousness; however weak or profound  is the life that we have. Our machinations so rich; so vibrant.. Our dreams are nothing more than what we are or have  experienced.. We are Star dust...living on a pale blue dot; gliding or falling; expanding or contracting. Relative to our  place or position, wherever that may be. In time or relevance. In shape or sound. In sight or wave... This is you....and  so much more.......

Let me tell you a story of a girl...
She was born in a small quaint town in the hills of the Appalachians. From a young age she witnessed a many tragedy. The appeasement of feminine power to the masculine. The absurdity in separation of dogma. The fruitlessness of quarrels. The ugliness of racism... She often fled to the woods in hope to find peace. She found it; sheltered neatly in the wild surrounds,  she dreamt of what life would have been like when dinosaurs roamed and nature ruled. Before mans ideologies and fear mongering. She climbed over fallen trees and rustled through the crumpled leaves that lined the forest floor. She tasted of the plants and learned of their unique qualities. The sweet taste of honeysuckle. How sometimes she would meet some plants that would sting with subtle harshness; itch and inflame the skin; though in such a non personal way. She never feared nature... no mountain lion, bear, or snake... they were her and she were they; the source energy-Prana, QI, whatever title you’d like to give it. She was free up there; in the undulating foliage. Amongst the the pine and rhododendrons. What happened to that girl? To the wonderfully connected free spirit? Fast forward ten years and she is but a fraction of that girl. Although she has grown older; the distance widens. She cares less about escaping into the woods and befalls comfort in chemicals. The high that she once found in the shades of deep red, glowing orange, vibrant yellow-the colours of fall... now she seeks to find them in bottles of poison, pharmaceuticals... it can only lead to her downfall; and it did... time and time again she seeks this empty void. She separates herself even further from nature and throws herself into the vacant trap of slavery. Slavery of course, being the imaginary cage you settle into. Money, accolades, success.... Stress becomes the norm and the wonderful world that she had once imagined becomes complete fairy stories.... made for children... lost amongst mortgages, consumption, and failure... On one fated morning she awakes from a deep sleep. The world was no longer how she had left it the previous night. Something had changed. She no longer cared about the surface; the thing that caused her to escape and fear. She searched relentlessly for meaning; the meaning of life and purpose. She found herself once again, seeking nature to provide the answers. She remembered all the books her mother had read. Tapped into a higher state of consciousness not known to her before. She was led to the esoteric world; of tarot and energy healers. She partook in their gifts with an open mind and heart. What she experienced was unique; and powerful. She felt a great need for healing; herself and the world. She reached out to all forms of mysticism and magic. For the mysteries of the natural world became more fascinating than fiction. She set about understanding more than surface knowledge and began diving deep into the astral body. That is where she exists now... in the present.

Someone had to hold the mirror up to you at some point,  and show you the magnificent being that exists within your reflection. I am humbled to have held the mirror for you.

What is it that you are chasing? Perhaps all of the things you seek are exactly the things that you do not share? If you seek love, give more love. If you seek understanding; divulge enough to let others in. If you seek freedom; allow yourself peace of mind. Stop withholding your lighthouse, for fear of being alone in rough seas. Lay down the fear of being hurt and abandoned: when you surrender fully-then and only then, will you find calm waters.

Tonight, you looked me in the eyes and told me that I was not worthy. Worthy of discussion, of love, and your acceptance. For I am now understanding that my worth is something far beyond the confines of what you consider to be valuable. Go ahead, place on me a price tag. Mark me down to whatever value necessary to excuse your cruelty. How much are you worth? Every tear-that’s for sure; Every sleepless night, every broken thought. I honestly thought you loved me; but your love was cheap. Cheap like your reactions. Rigid like your conditions. Unworthy like me.

Shine your light- the dark nights and shadows provide needed depth to the golden days, however, do not mistake that it is within the light where truths are found and we become awakened.

I am missing you.
The little green dot on messenger means you are active-the only solace I find in your absence.
I wonder if you are looking at my green dot. Are you imagining me lying in bed typing this now? Could you imagine our bodies soft; arms outstretched to find each other as we wake from a sound sleep? Could you feel our hearts synchronised, beating one passionate rhythm; as if it were a metronome timing our gestures in a divine composition?
Like medieval armour, I too have weak points which make me vulnerable and susceptible to injury. This is the very reason I must show restraint. For I am afraid that if I get to close, if I let go, fully.... the green dot will go away.

Interesting idea but probably not realistic
Not going to speak this out loud
Fact is, they will probably think I’m crazy
A strange wanting to be nearer
Time to deep dive and reflect on this
Unclear from the chemicals dopamine, seratonin, & norepinephrine
Annoying really, especially because it’s not convenient
Truly wanting to know what they feel
Ignorant to the signs
Only person that seems to “get me”
Nearly at my wits end but smitten

She is no leader, nor follower, no judge, nor jury.
No hope that consumes nor burns bright the integrity of wilting moral.
She is not lustful, nor prideful, nor holy.
No devoted congregation praising blindly amongst rotting archaic ruins of paper.
She pulls another card, seeking clarification to each previous: holding it in her callused hands as if it were a precious gem; something of value and respect.
She breathes in deep, closing her eyes in careful consideration, and slowly she utters... "What message dost thou have for me today?"

I held your hand and shared in your fears; Sat long in the night, now I’m jaded by years.
We two are but drifters, two ships passing by; engulfed in our tragic Shakespearean plight.
At one time it was laughter, that roared through these walls; now suppressed sounds of mobiles echo some ****** tone.
I lie down beside you, wishing daylight was here; alone in my grief, for the one I hold dear.
Salt stains the pillows, as tears leak from my cheek, and I feel like wailing: though I make not a sound.

We are two molecules. Each with polar opposite charge. The attraction exists, for it is a force which determines our moment. Our moment can be determined by multiplying the distance between our atoms by our charge. Without this bond- life as we know it would have never existed. May our friendship be a sound reminder of this.

As the moon drifts further into the starry void,
Turning seas into watery graves;
The sun exudes heat, melting icecaps, and stirring up ecosystems.
Burning still in underground caves;
Coal...natural gas.. What shall we do? When all is consumed, there will be no use for you!
Soon they say, we shall fall, despite government policies like Kyoto protocol;
We have made better steps to ensure our safety...
But is it too late? Has our haste not been hasty?
Have our efforts been as strong, as the cars that we drive?
As the days move along; what will survive?
That is the question that comes first to mind;
Before clearing the thickets of woodlands and pine.
Before killing the terrorists... although I'm concerned;
Are we not the terrorist, to the rainforest and fern?
"Of course not!" they say, with such ill-thought conviction;
Well if that is not the case, then tell me your plan of transition.
Instead of restriction. We all have a right to be free; but each of us needs to understand and practice sustainability.
Like every tree, or animal that came before me...
All have a place in the world, which we live,
All have a reason, and truth that they give;
All have a story and a place in our history,
All have the same future; it's not such as mystery!
We are born, then we die, and go back to the land.
Never mind of religion; if it's used to command.
They will try and find a reason of sharing no blame,
For themselves, to the earth, to the wind, to the rain.
But now is the time when reality sheds light, on the brave few that are given wisdom and insight;
To stand up and be counted, will not take any lies; will not salute any flags, will not stand up and fight;
In any war - peace is upheld.... Guns are forgotten, and people are not jailed;
For speaking their thoughts, not keeping them in; to turn into cancer - of sadness and sorrow...
Tomorrow we say.... we'll get up and start, but it's time for a change.
If not to the world - then at least to your heart.

Between the continuous tick of clocks, the muffled wanes of silence creeps;
Upon the brow lines form with time, the inevitable truth we all must face.
Immortality we chase, but somehow lost; the delicious presence we dare impeach;
We toss and turn but cannot sleep;
The future seems all that we strive to seek.
How can that be? With all that we see? In front of our eyes but we are diverted to stop, appreciating each other, each day a new step; each moment a blessing; each feeling a new depth...
An experience! however small; begging our brains and our heart to just wait....
Be patient with words and thoughts that expel in constant battle to say the next word.... The next word... how about the next action? Or inaction? Gain traction until we are tired of asking about where we are from or why we are here.. my dear I agree it's much easier to fear! But to be fearless requires something few have got....
Take in a deep breath.... and breathe...
Look up at the trees and see the soft wind.
Feel the sun dance upon your skin.
There is something beautiful about growing old.

The mountain is firmly planted in the radius expanse. Snow caps the peak with luminescence: a bright dream or hope lies in the shallows of its caves. The long walk is reminiscent of songs or percussions. Ebb and flow of notes like rising tide or adventures in the woods. Treacherous at times, yet kind. Cradling every juncture and goal with delicate hands. Strong, steadfast, and grounded like Capricorn. Set your intention for the year ahead. Use your intuitive faculty to guide you; to guide you to your higher and most greatest form of self.

Here we ago again, still the same old thing;
Try and fool myself but there is only pain;
It's hard to trust you anymore with my heart;
Thinking surely you must feel the same.
But how is it? That you can go, so hot and cold, so many obstacles, you need to search your soul and find what's missing... but please listen, I am not the one, that's going to sit around and be whittled down; think it's about that time... we need some distance.

I will always love you honestly;
So please stand right back and let me breathe;
I'm not trying to dip; I don't want to leave;
But I know I got to be free....

Please don't play games; or place the blame;
We all want the same.... we want the same thing.
But this wedding ring has suffocated me; I just want to chill, I just want some peace.
So you do you, and let me be;
Just slow your role and let me see...
Are we meant to be or just meant to be?
I just know I got to be free.

The water glides upon the shore, a natural rhythm of which I adore;
The sound of leaves, as they fall from the trees and settle upon your front door;
Step back from the naked branches and say, "You are still just as lovely, with your clothes gone away!"
But with the season coming to a halt;
I can do nothing more but to try and find fault.
Although Spring will be here; counted down to the hours.
It's the grief that I fear; for last year's leaves and flowers.

What love lay here beneath me: pressing softly upon the concave of two bodies.
Heart to heart; hairs tickling soft *****.

If ever there was a want to believe in a divine, omnipotent force - it would be now, though entirely unnecessary.
For we have seen a many hardship, no excuses or apologies suffice.

No rococo or garish design - this is you and I, in the midst of the chaotic rhythms that naturally brought forth existence.

Insufferable at times; a compulsion, a weakness completely devouring us. Leaving ourselves open, vulnerable, to the intentions and propositions of the other.

We hesitate. For at times there is no better purpose, never a greater need, never a solemn moment, never a permanence. Yet, we welcome in the reality of these understandings. Changing and growing with the respect of time.

We must be compassionate with each other, yes, we must also be hard, but never forget the power and privilege we have inherited with such union.  

For there has never been a more trialling, damning, passionate..... beautiful, pleasing, patience.....

What love lay here beneath me.
What life lay here before me.

Does it really have to be so bad? After all, rejection can only hold weight if the ego is temperamental. Sensitive to another’s words or motives. She told him that she’d like to carry on as friends. Friendship is the ultimate affection-the encompassing freedom which attracts two people together not through responsibility or duty, codependency, or loneliness...but for merely experience. For lessons one might teach the other; for kindness and guidance-so that one does not have to sit in ones own head for to long-so that one can lift the vibration of the other. One should be thankful for such a pass!

Come to me my love... within a gentle touch. There is so much that we can be; just the two of us; alone placed high upon a mountain - drinking from life's youthful fountain.

Come to me my friend... for I alone cannot defend, a heart that without you can mend; a stint of sorrow and struggling cries: a blank page to fill such lullabies...

Come to me my warm embrace.... shelter me with your symmetric grace. Take from me what you will; if you forget to ask-be obliged to steal.

In this world of entropy there are no rules: no boundaries to cross;
no bitter fools, no deceitful words, no coins we should need to toss.
Abound in shadow the light refracts, to give such a blessed glow:
A glimmer of pure perfection that is held and placed high upon your brow.

Your laughter rings with ripened cheer, the softest waves that echo through my ear; there is much joy portrayed in your eyes;
the bluest of blue; the colour of skies....

You see... I sit alone... Stand alone... Lie alone....

Right now, you are nothing more than a brief fantasy; in some distant allured synchronicity.

In a crowded room; or at a small cafe;
I could sit and witness, your beauty in every way;
At a football game, or sipping dry champagne;
I could look within your eyes, and see that truth remain.

Amongst the rolling hills, or greenish wooden fields;
I could dare to dream such things, over quiet candlelit meals;
Over the course of time, amidst the world divine;
We could talk in silence; and share one glass of wine.

You could teach me how to build, a tree house or a bike;
I could teach you how to spell, and one day how to write...
We could go on vacation, to Italy or France;
You could teach me how to live, and I'll teach you to dance.

With all of these dreams, I'd like to see, one day is brought to life;
You and me, sitting in a tree, under the wrath of night.
Until then, I'll go to sleep; head filled with things to do.

I shall start all over in the morning: I could see myself with you.

The canopy of the tree surrounds;
in awe of natures wonderful sounds.
Sun kissed third eye and wind caressed cheek;
A holy time in which we must meet.
In early morning, dew showers the day;
enveloped in green and overcast grey.
Sending gratitude out to the mother still;
Her loving embrace and calmness I feel.

I shouldn’t have. As my spirit awakens and ascension begins; I now realise that this longing has less to do with “him” and more to do with myself. If not by chance we met; karmic calculations divine time and place. There is a method to this universal madness. As I sit here; the wind chimes providing dull noise to the otherwise peacefully quiet afternoon; a realisation weighs down, pressing on my throat and chest. Culpability for every transgression; every word uttered. There is a difference between wanting love and taking it. Giving love and receiving. For years I had wanted love, I wanted love so badly that I abused myself and others, allowed them to reflect their hate and insecurity through my eyes. The confidence he once promised (and delivered upon) has been slowly and systematically etched away leaving me once again to question my worth. It’s time that I walk away. I’ll pack my things, my thoughts, what identity that’s left; in search for peace and passion once again. For it is now apparent that the arms which held me tight were also chains that bound my soul. Let tears be temporary reminders that I still know how to feel. Let them cleanse and balance emotions; let them freely drain.

Eternally tied, stitched together with golden thread; glistening with transparency. Stalactite ordain the caved ceiling, dripping water into the thirsty mouths of all the greedy ants below. Another night of insomnia; or so it seems at least. For sleep fails to find eyes… eyes which are wide. A yearning? Perhaps... certainly not an obsession. Obsessions are dark and unnatural. This is energetic-fluid almost. I finally found the title of my last writing; I called it “Twin Flame.” Serendipitous I know, but how else could you possibly describe it? No rationality to it-at least not in the physical realm; oh, philosophical for sure. Could it be possible that the gods and angels play such vicious tricks? Methodically planting two people to meet-in a very peculiar, almost non-eventful way, only to have their gaze meet and then ravage befalls their minds? Could it be a simple case of Freudian projection? Staring blankly into the quiet stillness, I feel almost as if I should have went to bed early... Although… as I slipped further into the abyss of his dark and worried nature-it felt as though I was somehow home at last. Safe, secure, and completely authentic. Nothing to hide; all laid bare with only him to mirror my deepest and most haunting imperfections. It’s been ten days since we last spoke-and thousands of kilometres lie loosely in between.