I met another brick wall today.
Don't prepare for the usual.
We're going at this the old fashioned way.
Guard down, no expectations and lots of faith.

I know in the I have messed up in the past.
I meet these walls and I never stop.
I just run full speed and crash.
Backing up and going at it again head first.
Never stopping until my heart is broken.
My mind always goes first.

This time I will walk.
I will take time to count the bricks.
Take time to notice their color.
To notice what holds them together.

No reason for anymore pluralities.
Unless, of course, they're positive.
No need to brake my mind.
No need for anything short of expansion.

It doesn't hurt, this pain of mine
It feels fine, the ache of walking the line

Scars and fresh wounds, mark temptations indulged
My feet still soft, I haven't been walking long

The curse that I bare is nothing compared
To the the pain I could share
If I were to remain anything but alone

This enduring and dull ache
This constant stabbing in my bones
This constant acidic bur in my veins

How could I give that away?
How could I put that on anyone's shoulders other than my own?

To let this goblet of poison spill into you life
To let it become a river that floods the path you walk

How could I love you and then hurt you like that?
How could I look at you knowing that I'm no better than my past?

So I walk alone, letting temptation wash over me
In the form shackled comfort, a reminder of why I must stay

The power in your footsteps
I have this sense of greed
Passion and lust
It's like nature at my feet

I want to rip it from your soul
Darling dearest, let me live inside your skin
Crawling in there
Living in your windows
Pulling on your strings

You're the X on the map
I ache to burn the paper
You're the treasure in the chest
I've long had you spent
You're a beautiful haunting in the shadow of my heart
Until I'm looking
Then you're just heart break without a reality

I can only have you
If you never exist
I can only love you
If you never let me touch you

Like watching the sky weep
You are nature at my feet

I'm happy to hurt you
with violence that I mean
I promise the pain
is not what I intend

I'm just a little unhinged
in all the worst ways
my doors are wide open

My windows are shattered
I can't control these drafts of thought
as they flow in
as they flow out

I wanna pull us down
make it so you could never leave me
so that you never could

Why would I ever let you go
around you I am finally myself
maybe i should become someone else

I want to change
but I won't
I really want to believe
but I just can't
I want to love you like I should
but I'm broken

can you breathe in
can you breathe out
when everything once turned in
becomes completely turned out

can you carry on
without losing what you're worth
gaining value along the way
can you resist the urge to break

I lay here so silently next to you
As I watch the simple beauty of your sleep
My heart keeps my eyes open

Your hair is in danger of being tucked behind your ear
My lips ache to violate your own
Your body which is mine by association
Yet all together foreign seems to beg to be trespassed

Your eyes open
Reading books behind my own
As the inspiration of your breath writes them

My heart calms
My eyes had been closed all along
To open them

To find my heart as empty
My heart as dark
My heart as cold
As deep space

To find it full of similar
Abilities to combust with creation
Yearnings to offer infinite beauties
Available to anyone who would just look

I wanna remove the skin
From your cranium
I wanna smash the bone
Of your skull
I wanna poke around
In your brain

I want a piece of you
That you will never have back
Not after tonight
Give me your life

I gave you mine
Against my will
I have embraced this anger
The anger you birthed in me

I wanna tear apart
Your mind
I wanna dance
In the fire of your soul
I wanna scream
As you burn alive

Not as perfect as first thought
Effects still producing affection
Still drawn as moth to flame
Still glad to feel without shame

Touching your hand was electricity
Haven't thought straight since
Buzzing synapse to synapse
Still made of electric fire

I know that you're wrong for me right now
I'll stick around with patience for tomorrow
The one whose always taking your bait
Though remaining the one you never catch

I cannot truly express my gratitude
You've shown me a side of myself
Now I can see the full reflection
Instead of staring into a broken mirror

Happiness that's never fleeting
Always able to smile
As long as I can remember
How you make me look at life

I will wait at home
Wait for you to live your lessons
When you learn to get along
We'll learn to get along

I trusted you,
Took you as unknowing of your faults.
Thought I could believe you,
Confide in you my thoughts.

My heart still clings to you,
All of your aesthetic charms.
My mind and soul are hot coals,
Burning with anger and wanting vengeance.

All this time I thought you had seen me,
You had looked forward through a window.
You are truly a man of mirrors though,
Seen because I stood behind you,
No matter how much I wanted to be beside you.
Even now you can't see past yourself,
Oblivious to the fires burning around you,
You'll remain like this until it's you they consume.

Broken again,
I hate you for this.
I wanted you because you were a cure.
Now I'm left to the old antiseptics,
Music, movies and sympathetic friends.
They dull pain until I can find time to stand in the rain,
Find the time to confront this pain and banish these demons.

All my "thank you"s become regrets,
All the electricity grounded and gone.

Walking along an empty street
I'm with you, you're with me
Your jacket keeps me warm
My hand keeps you near

When it's quiet
When we are just on our own
I can feel you there even when I'm awake
Your smile is a fire that keeps me calm
You breath is a lullaby and I can sing along
You touch is beacon and I'm searching

It's when the people come near
It's when the crowds set in
I notice how unnoticed you are
You aren't real

I'm suffocating, there's no air
There's no way for me to be okay
I need to sleep, I need to dream
I need to see you again

Then a reverie washes over me like a tidal wave
You whisper that this is okay
They'd think I was lost, crazy, absurd
You understand, you help me cope
You're how I make it through
You remind me to think
You remind me to breathe

It's when my strongest part falls to pieces
It's when she can't stand to take the beatings
That's when you show up
That's when I can come clean

Someday maybe you'll fade
Just not today
Let me sleep a little longer
Let me dream until this is over

the thought of you is like wild fire
setting alight everything i am
the smoke of poetic inspiration lingers
the fire in my bones a constant reminder

even the ugliest things sound beautiful
when the cadence of you brings them alive
when you inspire their words from my mind
when you pull me from places hard to find

I don't need a hero
I just need to get through the night

I need to breathe
I need safety
I need your questions
I need to believe

I don't need a hero
I just need more than you can offer

Everything you have is temporary
Love only existing to expire
Artificial care to clever for reality

Everything you say
Is all I want to hear
Every red flag of danger
Makes me want to trust you

Lean on me when your broken
I'll revel in your pain

Just keep in mind
You brought this upon yourself
I am not nice and you never deserved it
I am cruel and you always wanted attention

The monster inside me is ever alive
Chancing to come out and play
Ever prepared to play with sin
Ever prepared to win

Cages and screams
Hopes and dreams of better days
Music brings out my emotions
In fits of thought I am never safe

Eyes blurred with its haze
No longer myself
The girl you see now something darker
Perfectly tempting and dangerous

Only visible in the mischievous glint of the eye
The smirk of a killer becoming too effortless
Begging for someone to save me
Screaming to have control

It loathes your effect on me
You spark one dead flames
Making me want to change
Feeling its presence less around you

It hates that you can't see it within me
Your habit to only see the good
Your inability to catch me on a bad day
Manipulate diffused at your feet

I crave to be near you
Yearn for the wide eyed way I feel
The way the sun set high
The way the shadows grow short

Satisfied with what I already have
Any vicinity will satisfy my heart
Feeling this way is the worth
Showing my demons defeat

Like the warmth of summer with out the burn.
Like the comfort of winter without the chill.
My comfort zone.
Everything I regret not demanding.
My safety line that catches me when I fall.
All I can think about in times of need.

His voice and his laugh bring me home.
I love hearing his smile.
When he's talking about his music you can hear his future.
You can hear what he thinks life is.
He's just a boy again, forgotten are all his mistakes, all his sins are gone.

No one compares to him.
No one can take over his memory.
No one takes me where he can.
No one can bring a smile to my face like he can.

No one else is him.
No one else has that part of me.

Sometimes I start to shake
For no reason, no reasons
Sometimes I want to scream
For no reason, no reasons

Always I want the hands that hurt me
For some reason, some reason
Everyday I wish she would take over
For this reason, for these reasons

You've woken something inside of me
This time I cannot smile
You've unlocked the door to all that I have suppressed
Two years I'd done it
Passing with a smile

Now screams become external
Twitches are visible
Instability is more than mental

My muscles ache
My appetite nonexistent
I jump at the slightest thing
My body is always chilled

I still want to be yours
All this pain isn't enough to keep me away
I still want to hurt you
The guilt has disappeared

It's all the wrong things
That make you seem so right
The fact that you'll hurt me
Makes me willing

You say you know
You have no idea
The deep end of my darkness
It has found you
Rather you have found it and are taking a swim
Careful, these are dangerous waters
I'd just hate to see you drown